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Original poster

MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

350 replies

shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 21:45

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 01:40

(I said party way too much there apologies)

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 01:43

Shumpa if you mean my sister, no not invited, MIL wouldn’t even think to and wouldn’t want “strangers” in her house anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 01:55

People are treating this as if it was a big party with lots of invited two year olds and the works. It was never that. We arranged to go to MILs for the weekend when we had a move from our rented place to stuff in storage and temp accommodation whilst waiting for our house purchase to go through. We weren’t allowed to do a month by month tenancy so applied to leave at the end of the lease. Suddenly the chain moved forward and we realised we could skip the temporary move and go from tented property to bought. That’s when we should have changed plans but felt that was rude as we had told MIL we would be there. So decided to just work hard and get it all done before the weekend.

Then it all went wrong.

If it hadn’t been DS’s birthday, the thought that I should sort out a house move on my own was still stupid, especially as DH committed to work stuff without thinking it through. But the fact that it is DS’s birthday and I might want to spend it with him not crossing MIL’s mind is ridiculously self centred. She only cares that DH and DS go up to see her. And them going up is a big part of it, she won’t come to us.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 01:56

Rented not tented obvs 😆

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 02:46

You should have been able to invite your sister and anyone else you wanted to be at the party. She sounds quite controlling.

Suresurelah · 15/08/2018 02:52

I cannot believe some of the responses OP.....only on MN.

I would have been very cross as well at her thoughtless idea and the more you right about her, she really doesn’t see you as family.

Your son won’t care if the party is changed.

Hope the move goes smoothly for you.

Stormi12 · 15/08/2018 03:16

Your mil is a moron for even suggesting it. Why would you have the party at her place? I’d switch it to a neutral place. Her invitation to the revised venue would be optional.

Suresurelah · 15/08/2018 03:21

Write not right...doh!

Eponymous · 15/08/2018 04:56

For all those saying 'but think about the birthday boy', I'm sure a whole weekend without his mum on his birthday is exactly what any two year old would love.

Projection: my dd would have spent most of the time crying.
OP: definitely NBU to take up the offer for a weekend of scrubbing alone.
Kudos to the dp for not jumping at the chance to get out of it too. I'd have been tempted myself

RayneDance · 15/08/2018 07:51

Dc parties mean different things to different people.
For some it's large hall parties that are quite anonymous.
Ours are smaller parties at our house. At 2 we took both dc to the zoo and did small celebrations at home. Then smaller house parties.

What a shame Mil never thought to invite your sister with you.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 09:26

Re the responses, people just wanted to pick a fight because they are unhappy with their own lot, water off a ducks back to me. The self confessed MILs and ones that say I’ll be a MIL one day and my DIL will hate me 🙄 have their own agendas obviously. They show you what some MIL’s really think. That they don’t see their adult families as a separate unit, that by not thinking or by design they scheme to have “their family” to themselves. Whatever. MIL and the MILs on here have taught me lesson last night and I’m a wiser person today.

MIL is “hanging onto” DS’s birthday presents from “family” (HER family) even though she knows DH is away soon and I don’t go up on my own, which means DS won’t get them. That’s our punishment. Oh well, new house new start.

Back to the Tupperware...

OP posts:
SpandexTutu · 15/08/2018 09:37

MIL is “hanging onto” DS’s birthday presents from “family” (HER family) even though she knows DH is away soon and I don’t go up on my own, which means DS won’t get them.

And that says all we need to know about what kind of a MIL we have here! Not really a person acting out of kindness or wanting her DGS to have a great day.

Suresurelah · 15/08/2018 09:38

Oh that is mean OP

Suresurelah · 15/08/2018 09:40

I’m sure your DS will have a lovely day with you both. Just think she’ll be sat seething at home....but it’s all her own doing.

WoahBaby · 15/08/2018 09:43

This feeling slighted by anything and everything a MIL suggests, when they normally seem to have kind intentions at heart is starting to piss me off. It's a one off type offer, thought came into her head, she mentioned it type thing. Don't like the idea? Say no thanks. Get some perspective.

WoahBaby · 15/08/2018 09:44

How is MIL going to get the presents to DS though OP? What's your suggestion?

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 09:50

Is MIL refusing to let DH come and collect presents? Shock

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 09:51

WoahBaby

Have you actually RTFT?

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 09:55

DH can’t do a 9 hour round trip, he hasn’t the time even if he lost a night’s sleep. I haven’t the car and it would be unfair on DS. DH asked her to post them, it’s only Wednesday, there is time for them to get here, but she says she’ll “hang on to them”. This includes the ones DH’s aunt sent to her house. I have offered to pay for postage but no reply.

Oh well.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 10:02

DH is getting annoyed now. I think he is embarrassed that his family aren't offering even verbal help while my sister is running around desperately trying to get here, BIL also.

He says he’s going to ask MIL to send just the cards. I’m keeping my head down, it’s getting bumpy.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 10:06

RayneDance Yes, this was basically a birthday tea (ordered by me except for drinks).

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 10:07

Sad that she doesn't want her DGS to have his presents for his birthday.

It's another control thing. She controls the guests and when you get the gifts.

I agree, keep your head down. Don't give her a reaction.

Clutterbugsmum · 15/08/2018 10:24

Can DH not contact his relative who are/were going to his mums and explain that due to unfortunate circumstances that you are unable to go to his mum house this weekend.

And should anyone wish to send ds a card to your address and that you will pay for any additional cost of postage.

HappilyHarridan · 15/08/2018 10:24

I don't think at 2 he will mind when he gets his presents!

youarenotkiddingme · 15/08/2018 10:28

I expect this is a case of mis aligned help!

Part of me wonders exactly what dh said to MIL to prompt her to suggest you stay at home.

Lure my because I can see this sort of conversation.

DH "Mum. Dw wants to postpone DS party because she was doing a load of house move errands and her car broke and the cleaners cancelled so she has to sort that. This means she's behind with the jobs she was doing and will need the weekend to catch up"

MIL "that sounds stressful. Well don't worry I'm happy for party to go ahead and I'll organise everything - dw can do her jobs then if she wants".

A thoughtless response with good intentions!