To ask who is the most intelligent- you or your dh?

[Electrascoffee]

Can relationships work where one partner is much cleverer than the other?

It's pretty close but on a purely academic level I'm going to say me.

I would say it depends how you define intelligence. I have a natural flair for creative problem solving and I have a shit memory but dh is more academic and has a much better memory - we got the same in our degrees but his was from Oxbridge.

I think it depends on whether you need intellectual stimulation to make you happy and content. My sister and I are both very intelligent (in terms of IQ) but she is driven by intellectual pursuits. She chose law as a career whereas I went into media. She watches little TV but will chose educational programmes if she does, whereas I love trash TV and watch hours of it. She would not be happy with a partner who wasn’t intellectual and seemingly not equally or more intelligent than her and would never have chosen someone ill educated even. However, I could definitely be partnered with someone less intelligent than me... it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I think if they had no emotional intelligence though, that would be the crunch point for me, as I like talking about relationships and feelings and if they weren’t on my level in that respect, I would find that hard.

Loving all the self proclaimed geniuses on this thread, MENSA must be bursting at the seams with Mumsnetters!

Loving all the self proclaimed geniuses on this thread

I know! In real life, I am considered to be fairly intelligent but on mn I feel like an absolute dunce!

Mine's a MENSA member and has a brain the size of a planet. No idea how I compare because I can't be arsed to take the tests.

I am more “book smart” than DP (he’s not stupid by any stretch) but DP is a better all rounder than I am and has more emotional and social skills, so I’d say while I’m somewhat slightly more academic, he’s the better package overall.

I’m like an encyclopaedia, he’s actually a well rounded person.

I was once dumped by an ex because 'I was too clever for him and girls don't need to be clever' I don't think he was a great loss to be honest.
DH & I both have professional qualifications and several degrees each although I would say we have very different strengths. I would say our shared experiences of academia and professional careers help us understand each other so help our relationship, so it's the shared experiences and opportunities rather than the brains themselves that keep us together.

We both have our areas of expertise, he's better than me at some while I'm better at others

Dp and I are very similar.

I was the same as my first ex-h, but more intelligent than my second ex-h. I'm now seeing someone at a similar level. I think it makes a difference.

Hmm I think we balance out. Funnily enough we had this conversation a few weeks ago. He is better educated than me, certainly. He's degree level educated and I didn't go to University, I got a job after my A Levels and progressed my career that way.

He has an aptitude for maths and science that I really do not have and through work is a member of a professional body where he is required to seek out further education in his field continually.

However, he is lacking in common sense and emotional intelligence! I've often commented in frustration that I am surprised that such an intelligent man can be so stupid. He looks for logic and reason in everything, when in reality life isn't black and white like that. It just doesn't occur to him.

Being cultured is a completely different thing from being intelligent.

My OH is much more intelligent than i am. Take for instance math, he can work something out straight away but i would struggle to even think about it and would need him to work it out for me amongst other things but it's never an issue.

DH for sure, feel this is due to different opportunities and support when growing up. We have been married for 22 years and it works for us.

My DH is a very gifted mathematician and also loves science. My skills are in humanities and more creative thinking. I am better with people by a long shot!

In an IQ test I expect we would perform similarly.

We met at Oxford so I guess we are similar intelligence but good at different things

I have been much smarter than my exes and it never worked out. I didn't feel challenged or stimulated in conversation.

With DH, he is wildly intelligent in his fields: maths, history, science etc. I couldn't discuss literature with him but we don't tend to. He teaches me so much and has so much to contribute to conversations about politics and law (which I know more about) but adding knowledge from a different angle that I never would have thought about. We compliment each other rather than compete in conversations, if you get me? It's one of the best things about him in my eyes.

I'd like to add, I have little common sense. DH has loads of common sense and that REALLY helps

I have quicker brain and get things more quickly, he is more diligent and knows more about most things. I think whether it works or not depends on what you focus on in a relationship. I know one couple where the bloke isn't the sharpest and his wife is. They've been together for 30 years. He is kind, funny, generous and supportive and she is encouraging of his more practical abilities and clearly loves him.I

Being clever really isn't everything.

We are about the same, but he can't spell for toffee, can mental maths ridiculously fast, can't control his emotions for shit and is great at practical tasks
What he's good at, I'm shit at and what he's bad at, I'm good at
We balance each other, although I'm more academic then he is

I'm a senior academic, DH dropped out of uni. I used to think I needed someone on my level of intelligence but after a succession of clever boyfriends with varying annoying flaws I decided to cast my net wider intellectually speaking and met DH. He's daft as a brush sometimes but is curious about lots of things, a brilliant dad, shares the load equally, and no more crap sex. That is what counts.

Dh is amongst the very best in his field in the country. His specialist knowledge, dedication, and ambition are rarely equalled. I am far more widely read and cultured, interested and curious about history, arts, writers, politics, gastronomy etc etc etc. I couldn't dream of competing on a professional level even in my own field. I am, however, undoubtedly the person you want on your quiz team out of the two of us!

Dh is a really good problem solver and knows everything there is to know about engines. He’s a farmer and uses these skills all the time.

I’m learning that intelligence and other skills are a “use it or lose it” deal. I used to think I was intelligent and curious as well as a very capable artist. Nowadays i’m dulled by drudgery.

I think it's fairly easy in the early years of a relationship to skim over disparities in intellect. You can distract yourselves with all sorts of fun things... Nice meals out, sex, socialising, raising children, etc etc. But the shit really hits the fan when the children are older or the finances are depleted. You only really get to see if your combined skill set is a winner in the face of adversity. Sometimes it takes an awful event to shine light on a relationship. The most unlikely looking pairing can be the most resilient in these moments.
But equally, the loneliness and isolation a partner can feel if there's no intellectual connection after all the superfluous stuff is stripped away can be devastating.

I am the more academic, I have an MA whereas DP didn't even do A Levels. But as for intelligence? I would say we are equally as intelligent, just in very different ways.

I am bookish which doesn't really translate to much in the real world, whereas he runs his own business, is very capable, creative and forward-thinking in a way I will never be.

Thanks Goth237. It's ironic that that's a difficult word to spell really!