To ask who is the most intelligent- you or your dh?

[Electrascoffee]

Can relationships work where one partner is much cleverer than the other?

Actual IQ intelligence or intellectual curiosity?

A really good point. STBExH is intelligent but has no conversation and no curiosity about the things I'm interested. And he's got worse as he's got older. None of his family do either - conversations in their house are pretty dull.

I am book smart and mostly good at things like English and practical things - I love knowing how things work. DH has the common sense and is excellent at maths.

We’re both very intelligent overall and can have some very interesting and lively debates, but mostly we just chat shit with each other!

Looks like everyone here is very smart. Speaking lots of languages etc.
My dh is more professionally qualified than me but he has no head for remembering small details or names or for quizzes. I have a memory like an elephant for that stuff.
In conversation we are well match intellectually. Same interest in politicshistory etc.

I am more intelligent 100%, but he is more emotionally intelligent.
He can communicate in a much less emotionally charged way, and is much more likeable than I am because he presents as a personable even if I little aloof character, wheras I am a little more abrupt and have received feedback that I sometimes cross the line of unacceptable bluntness.

So even though I am the more intelligent, he is by far more successful than I will ever be.

My husband is very intelligent but he holds himself back with insecurity and also finds it hard to think about many philosophical and psychological topics in a deep way due to an overriding anxiety about death that he covers up by dismissing and serious intellectual approach to those things as pretentious.

I think I’m fairly intelligent but I’m perennially lazy and also have issues with anxiety (but more around making mistakes publicly/losing face) that hold me back significantly.

We get each other though and that’s what’s important.

I'm more intelligent. I have more academic knowledge so would be better at spelling, grammar, helping with homework, languages, etc.

However, he has much more knowledge of current affairs because he reads/watches the news at least once a day, usually twice. I don't, because I'm just not that interested in what's on mainstream news. I'd rather read a book, and anything that will impact on me will be relayed to me somehow (someone will start a MN thread)

DH is more intelligent than me. Privately educated, went to university and runs a very successful business.
I left school at 15,become a single teenage mum. Worked 12 hr shifts in a factory.
We couldn't be more different but are totally right for each other😀

To be honest I’m a lot cleverer than DH. He’s more savvy and streetwise and has a much higher paid job than me, but he has a narrow range of interests and isn’t interested in talking about anything really. I find he sometimes doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say to him And o always have to rewrite any correspondence he needs to make! It works but it can be frustrating at times.

@DieAntword But why should people want to think about death? It is sad enough that it happens.

We’re both very clever. We’re both good with words and language, both very analytical. He’s better with maths, puzzles and logic. I’m better with creative pursuits, analysing and expressing feelings and quickly clarifying my feelings about complex ideas. We are very evenly matched. I think he’s a shade more intelligent than me, but he says the same in reverse so who knows.

Intelligence is something I value hugely so I don’t think I could have been happy with someone less intelligent than me - but I think it depends on what the couple in question consider to be important.

I am undoubtedly more academic than DH. I aced everything at school/uni, he struggled and scraped through with Cs at GCSE and no qualifications above that. I often help him with writing important letters/work emails.

BUT, he is very intelligent. He's brilliant at logic tests, he is interested in politics, economics, news etc and holds a good debate. We earn similar money (he in sales, which is another thing he's brilliant at, me in a professional job).

So it depends on what you mean by intelligence. Shared interests and outlook on life are more important imo.

I left school at 15, husband has an under grad, 2 post grad degrees and a 'clever' job. I run rings around him when I can be arsed to put my mind to it. 22 years later I can safely assume that anyone who reckons mismatched educated partners won't work talks bollocks!

We are both educated to roughly the same level, I hold one more qualification than he does (both diploma level in finance). I am book smart, I love reading and despite working in finance, maths isn’t my strongest area, English is. I can speak one foreign language, so can he, although the other language aside from English we can both hold a conversation in, is different from each other’s. DP has much more common sense than me and he is able to think logically and quickly, whereas I tend to think of every possible outcome and analyse a situation, he is much more able to stay calm in an emergency. We are ‘chalk and cheese’ but it works for us as our differing opinions and thoughts make interesting conversation.

@MsAwsomeDragon I‘ll start one. We never watch the news and I am being a bit bored. Lying on the floor on my toddlers room, because one of them woke and still won‘t sleep.

But why should people want to think about death? It is sad enough that it happens.

Because if you live your life without really appreciating its finality you’re making choices based on living in a different reality than the one you’re in. It’s like if you tried to do economics (or just a household budget) without really accepting the idea that resources can run out (ahem, not that anyone would ever do that.)

Me - on just about every measure. 3 degrees, ace at pub quizzes, ability to work things out, fix stuff, find things, solve problems blah blah

But DH is the most loving, even tempered caring man ever and most importantly makes me laugh every day.

Definitely me, DH loves clever women though.
Not sure why your Mum thinks it won’t work, DH missed out on a good education academically and culturally (dyslexia and lack of family encouragement) but is open to new experiences. He lacks confidence rather than interest.
I was lucky to be exposed to a more enriched upbringing ( not financially but think more all music genres, arts and literature) and he is happy to ‘have a go’.
Clever is only one quality you can bring to a relationship. There are far more important ingredients required to make a successful marriage.

@DieAntword Not sure if I get this. Can you give me an example of the things that will happen to me if I do not think about death enough. Not trying to be snarky... it is just that I really do not want to think about death... in fact I do hate the very thought... and I do not see how it would make my life better.

I'm pretty intelligent but my husband is genius-level smart. On an IQ level he's way ahead of me, and most people I know. He speaks multiple languages fluently, has an amazing memory and absorbs knowledge like a sponge. He's awful at focussing on things, though, and wouldn't be amazing at planning his way through life so I tend to do 'better' by him in terms of career. We do well together. (I have the absolute horn for nerdy men though so I tend to always end up with people who are very smart and a bit disorganised. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone I thought wasn't intelligent)

@MsAwesomeDragon Here is the thread I started www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3336193-Are-we-being-unreasonable-to-never-watch-the-news

l am and it doesn't matter because he is the most kindest man and we love each other.

OH is smarter than me, I have better logic than him. It's a fair split I believe!

I was top of my year at school all the way through without much effort, good degree from top university etc. My DH got poor exam results and dropped out of uni after three months. We both now do the same finance job which involves analysis of complex information and explaining arguments. He is much better at it than me, his brain works at a million miles an hour. He also has amazing general knowledge as he seems to remember everything he's ever read. So unfortunately I've concluded he's more intelligent. His mum would agree with me but I won't admit it to her...

Also I think childbirth and too much wine have killed most of my brain cells as I'm certainly much slower than I used to be 😬

It has made me realise it's quite important to be on an equal footing. I am not sure I could respect a partner if I felt he wasn't a match for me in that respect.

Me. And it can be tricky as we both work in the same field. I am junior to him but probably have more potential. I wonder sometimes if my career choices will hurt him in the future.

Happily married 16 years - I am better at language, arts and general knowledge. He is amazing with maths and technology but failed English at school. We come from polar opposite backgrounds. It’s a cliche but we do complete each other bleugh sorry.