To ask who is the most intelligent- you or your dh?

[Electrascoffee]

Can relationships work where one partner is much cleverer than the other?

Can you give me an example of the things that will happen to me if I do not think about death enough.

I honestly can’t give a concrete example because it’s too personal, but just not living your life in the way you would if you kept mindful of the coming of death. Which is coming and thus is the way you would want to live in reality.

From my own life day to day I forget easily about how short and vulnerable life is and this causes me to waste time doing things I wouldn’t do otherwise (spending too much time on the internet for one!) or to prioritise things that don’t seem that important when I remember how short of a time I get or get upset about things that in the grand scheme of things I realise are not worth being upset about.

Being mindful of the reality of death keeps everything in the proper perspective.

But I say that as someone who is honestly made very happy by thinking about death because when I keep it in mind I do the opposite of when I forget, I remember who I want to be and take steps to become that person - before it is too late. I stop putting off what really matters to me and start putting off the things that really don’t but that are so easy to get caught up in. My quality of life, sense of satisfaction and general contentment with who I am and what I’m doing increase. Doesn’t mean I relish the fact I will die. I do not, it’s no fun that this all ends, but it punctuates life. The fact that there is a full stop means that the words before it have to mean something.

I'm the more intelligent of the 2 of us. But he's hardly dense!

I have a PhD and my husband left university with a Desmond. But I would definitely consider him to be the more intelligent of the two of us! He reads philosophy and politics voraciously and has an intellectually stimulating job he excels at. He has more common sense than me and is better at problem solving, and we're about equal when it comes to emotional intelligence. I guess my point is you can't measure "intelligence" by number of degrees or job role alone.

I think its the gap that matters. For example, my OH is smart and educated but in all honesty I'm smarter and far better educated. We have a fantastic relationship.
But if I was smart and well educated and OH was neither I don't see how we would work as a couple.

I'm better with words and general knowledge, concepts and history etc. He's better at numbers and science.

You mean like “Carpe Diem/YOLO“. Yes, that makes sense, that makes a lot of sense.
It is just... the thought of death terrifies me... the thought that we are so vulnerable... and that everything we take for granted can be gone the next moment... and I for my part do think that thinking of this too much would keep me from enjoying my life.
Very much off topic. Interested in starting a philosophical thread?

Dh is definitely cleverer than me, but I wouldn’t say we’re worlds apart. Seems to work for us. Different strengths too, (languages, history, literature etc on my side, maths and science on his).

Because if you live your life without really appreciating its finality you’re making choices based on living in a different reality than the one you’re in. It’s like if you tried to do economics (or just a household budget) without really accepting the idea that resources can run out (ahem, not that anyone would ever do that.)

I find this bizarre. Do you think people who don't think about death much must believe they are going to live for ever? How strange to think so!
I don't think about death. I don't need to, I'm not an idiot...I know I will die. It could be in 5 mins, it could be in 5 years, it could be in 50 years. I don't need to consider death to live my best life.

above post was @DieAntword*.

Although he would say I was smarter, I think he would probably score higher on an IQ test as it's about logic and puzzles and numbers. IQ tests don't ask you about long finished civil wars, the origin of words, who Ajax major and Ajax minor were ...etc

DH is in IQ terms, his brain works much faster than mine especially since I had some brain damage from meningitis a few years ago. I am better at planning and organising though.

Dh is cleverer than I am. He has a high iq and a science degree. He can do maths and technical stuff.

I’m more life smart in that I can read situations very quickly and have good instincts on what to do. My iq isn’t as high, but is higher than average.

I couldn’t be with someone who was less intelligent than me as I’d become bored. I value intelligence above most other things tbh.

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone less intelligent/interested than I was. I would be frustrated and bored. Lots of women seem to though, so I must be in the minority.

We are both very similar in intelligence imo.

One person is always more intelligent than the other. Where there is a huge gap of intellect it may lead to frustration but most people manage just fine when the gap is small. I'd you love each other enough then it doesn't matter at all. For instance, when we met my husband was a genius and I was merely intelligent. I was attracted to him and rejected him for it and he was grateful to find someone who could keep up woyhout feeling the need to compete. Unfortunately, having two children has rather turned my brain to mush. My poor husband has been quite understanding and patient. I'm a bit worried though about what will become of me if my brain doesn't recover.

Very much off topic. Interested in starting a philosophical thread?

I should probably try and avoid getting too caught up in one this close to bedtime. But if one is ongoing tomorrow naptime l might enjoy it.

I should disclose though started out thinking a lot about death when I was a nihilist which I am very much not now (moved through existentialism to Christianity - I can trace a journey in authors, starting with Cioran and Nietzsche, who looking back now I both love and fear, moving to Camus, who I still greatly enjoy and finally through to Kierkegaard, Heidegger and Sartre are also interesting from the broad existentialist grouping but they never captured my imagination the same way despite the fact that as a teenager I was a Marxist - and Dostoyevsky can slot quite well into the group too and he also had a big formative impact on me) and that adds a whole different colour to the picture.

But I’m not a very good Christian not just in moral terms but ...I don’t have a lot of faith.

I don't think about death. I don't need to, I'm not an idiot...I know I will die. It could be in 5 mins, it could be in 5 years, it could be in 50 years. I don't need to consider death to live my best life.

Ok but let’s be honest and say most people are not living what you refer to as their “best life” - myself included - and for many of us that is down to a lack of day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment mindfulness. We could do with remembering death more often even if you don’t need to.

Obviously while I’m wasting time clicking refresh on reddit I know, if I care to consider for a moment, that I will die, but I’m not caring to consider, I’m trying to forget, not death itself but perhaps life. Trying to avoid the raw reality of the responsibility that comes with stewardship over every one of my few moments.

Maybe you can say on seeing a chart of how many weeks you have lived and have left in Black and white that it makes absolutely no difference to the choices you want to make. But plenty of people find that stark reality a major impetus to drive them to do better with themselves and what they’ve been given. Only often sadly to sink back into unconsciousness and distraction as soon as the sting fades even slightly.

Ideally I could keep that sting alive forever but so far it requires constant work to remain mindful and I am weak.

For starters, education is not an accurate measure of intelligence! And I think if there is a vast difference it can be problematic. My exp was as thick as 2 short planks and was only interested in his next visit to the pub or telling me something 'rate funny' that a mate did. If i tried to start a conversation with him I would get 'shut up you're boring me' so I stopped trying and we spent the last several years only communicating if desperately necessary! My current (And hopefully forever) dp is extremely intelligent and we have similar interests and philosophies and I think we had been together about 18 months before we watched tv together and only occasionally do now because we just talk and talk and talk! It's absolutely wonderful! 😍

My husband is much more intelligent then me and so is his family.

I do have a degree but I would not class myself as intelligent, I do sound very dumb some times talking to his family. I have much more street smart then him, we compliment each other . We have been together 10years.

Shared values are more important than similar intelligence.

my OH has a PHD and works in academia, i have a 2.2 BA and work as a cleaner and we work just fine

@DieAntword www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3336234-AIBU-to-ask-you-how-you-cope-with-the-fact-that-people-including-you-are-mortal

I’m more intelligent than my DH and better educated BUT he is fantastic at practical things and I am really not

Oh and I should mention, i have no education beyond GCSE's other than vocational qualifications in health and social care, but I'm by no means unitellegent, dp is university educated and he thinks I'm more intelligent than he is! (He's very wrong but also modest so..)

Me completely, intellectually, emotionally and socially.

Not to sure why we work but we do...