To ask who is the most intelligent- you or your dh?

[Electrascoffee]

Can relationships work where one partner is much cleverer than the other?

I'm more educated, have more qualifications and am well travelled. He is more logical, curious and I would say intelligent. He has dislxyia (sp) that was never diagnosed at school, he was just labelled as stupid, so he never got any qualifications, which I think is a huge shame. It also left him with a lifelong belief that he is thick and no confidence. He can make and mend practically anything, he's a real capable man.

Id say I have a different brain, I am good at languages and music. He's more scientific.

I have a slightly higher "IQ" by about 25 points.

He's better at geography, maths and history. Mechanics / engineering

I'm better at tech, logic and language . Possibly science

I'm into philosophy poetry etc.and challenging the norms. He doesn't care about those subjects.

So I'd say we are equal/ well matched

We're intelligent in different ways. He's more academically gifted; member of Mensa, works with computers and is just incredibly bright (right word when talking about an adult?). And I'm more emotionally intelligent; I'm very aware of thoughts and feelings, good at analysis, I'm also good with drawing/playing the piano and guitar etc. So it's hard to answer that question.

@Honeyroar Dyslexia :).

Yes... curiousty mentioned up thread.

I'm much more curious and love learning new things (just not about maths history or geography

We’re both university educated but I would say I’m more naturally academic and I certainly have more common sense but husband remembers more ‘stuff’ (pub quiz super star). I am more ambitious so my job is much more challenging. We balance well. I think shared humour, interests and family values is more important.

DH by quite a way. He is fearsomely intelligent. He writes incredibly well and very quickly. He is a a university professor (law) but knows a lot about history, philosophy, geography, social sciences. Although he didn't do any sciences at A level he is actually more naturally able in maths and science than I am and I have maths and science a levels and a 2.1 science degree from a top (non Oxbridge) university. He is not great at at foreign languages though which I am better at. Neither of us is great a map reading or navigating but DH is better than me and
has a much better sense of direction, though that is not saying much as mine is appalling.
We are both quite poor with money but earn enough for us not to go without and so have almost no arguments about it as we are both quite laid back about money.

DH is laughably bad with remembering faces and probably less emotionally intelligent but tbh, I am not great myself at the latter, I am fine with faces.

We both come from working class poor backgrounds and were the first generation in our families to go to university (and the only sibling to do so in DHs case) so have very similar outlooks and values which is important

My oh and I are very different due to the opportunities we had growing up.

I have a degree and professional qualifications and my oh only has a few GCSEs.

However we have the same priorities in life, family is important to us both. We support each other 100% at home did work. My oh probably earns as much as me as he works so hard and is good at running his own business.

But i don't think I'm more intelligent than him, Ive just had the opportunity to have s good education.
My oh had not experienced some more cultural things before we met but he now enjoys the theatre, opera, loves museums and national trust houses.

I think we are a perfect match even though my parents didn't think so when we met and were horrified and yet we've been married for 17 years

I'm waiting to for the poster who feels that she and her husband are equally thick as plaited shite

For! Not to for.

Perhaps I am that poster...

It's me. He tells me this often. The only advantage he has over me is physical stamina and he's started to lose ground there too. I have to be careful every day not to use it negatively against him as he is an argumentative bastard who tends to use my intelligence and knowledge about a variety of things instead of switching his own brain on and it really pisses me off at times. It can be very wearing. As the years have gone by, he gives the appearance of having become much less intelligent. I say appeared because if he was actually as stupid as he acts, he wouldn't make it to the corner of the street without getting lost or run over, let alone do the complicated engineering tasks that his work demands.

Sometimes I feel as if I were married to Forrest Gump's dumber cousin who had suffered a catastrophic brain injury.

I know this isn't true, I just think he saves his stupid side for me.

I do think it's better to be with someone on a similar level, intelligence wise, though.

I’m more book intelligent than him but he’s more practical intelligent than me.

On paper I’m way more qualified than him but in real life he leaves me standing.

I think a good education and culture are two entirely different things.

People are 'clever' in different ways... I think relationships can certainly work when one member is much more academic than the other... what I do think can put a strain on relationships is when emotional/social intelligence differs dramatically. Im sure there are some couples that work well together with different levels of emotional intelligence but I think that is probably a lot harder to achieve.
I personally think its more valuable to have interests and outlooks/opinions in common than it is to have the same level of education.

My husband is much more educated than I am. He has 2 degrees and a masters etc and I only have GCSEs and a couple of AS levels. He earns quite well but I have only ever earnt minimum wage. Theres also a large age gap. BUT we have very similar tastes and interests in art, literature, music, film and architecture. We have a very similar sense of humour and we share very similar moral values. We enjoy doing the same things and we like the same people as friends.

I agree with you HotblackDesiatoto that there is no need for such navel gazing about a grim subject. And as most people worldwide do believe in an afterlife of some kind, contemplating the finality of death isn’t a common pastime, anyway.

OP, my husband and i are equals in intelligence but in different ways, that was something very important to me. I remember one of my friends dating a man who was lovely but just not as intellectually curious as her, and I think it ruined their relationship.

My husband isn’t very intelligent, he makes me look like a genius which is nice sometimes. He can’t do anything technical/change lightbulbs etc, useless in an emergency, can’t do emails, shit at flatpack, could not put together a games console if his life depended on it.. but he is an absolutely amazing father... quite randomly he can play princesses for hours on end- tickle monster for a whole afternoon, he will trampoline and do trails and play gruffalo’s, he loves parks, scootering, and board games (particularly cluedo junior and Tummy ache),

Ask him to put the washing on and it’s like taking English to an eskimo, just not happening?!

There are different types of intelligence. My dh is dyslexic and doesn't have good grades like I do. But he passed his driving test with no minors, is great at DIY, gardening and cooking, and speaks well about current affairs.

I suppose it can work if one is cleverer than the other. We all have gifts and skills and people can complement eachother.

My husband and I are probably about the same intelligence-wise but are good at different things.

Me of course! Humble, too.

My DP had a full education and went to uni. He went on to be a geologist. I had sketchy education until I was 16 then had to give up. He is definitely a lot smarter than me. But we share the same interests and have the same sense of humour. I don't think it makes a big difference but I do think it's a good thing for our son. He has two parents who have years of different knowledge between them.

I'm a genius and tbh I've struggled to meet partners similar - and have been frustrated by partners not quite measuring up.

The memory is both a blessing and a curse. I get very annoyed when others don't remember things. "but don't you remember? It was a Wednesday in July, 1998 and we were stood outside the sandwich shop and you said ...".

In my experience (defence) I've found genuinely intelligent people don't talk as much because there's an assumption everything is already known. I'll check my arrogance.

I am blinded by an acute wit so all is not lost when I search.

Dh definitely far more common sense, logical skills and his math skills is far far beyond mine.
On paper people think I’m the clever one as I’m the one with the Masters etc but Dh for sure ‘gets’ things far quicker than me.

On paper my academic results are slightly better than his, but both of us have an excellent record both academically and professionally. I'm not sure I could be in a relationship with someone much less intelligent than me. I love a good debate.

DH is very intelligent with a very high IQ. He was extremely precocious at school and has been highly educated. He is from the south of England and his family are well off and quite ‘proper’.
When we met I didn’t have anything above a few GCSEs. I’m from the north of England and my family are lovely but not ‘proper’ much more fun
We work well because there are still things I am much better than him at and I make sure I’m respected for them. My job is more interesting and makes a difference where as his is technical and not really dinner party conversation. I’m better at organising things and more emotionally intelligent. I think if your similar there is more conflict because there is direct competition.

We can definitely have a good debate too.