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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dd18 is acting like a spoilt brat?

184 replies

Twistella · 14/08/2018 16:31

We've driven for hours and hours to get to France. We've been lent a lovely house by a friend. The three dcs have all run in very excited as there are four en suite bedrooms. Dd18 got the last one left - it's lovely, pretty with an ensuite shower. But it has twin beds. All the others are doubles. She's thrown an almighty strop and is refusing to talk to us. Dh offered her a beer and she's actually flounced out into a random French town.

In every holiday she's ever been on shes got the 'best' room in account of being the oldest. AIBU to think she should just cheer the hell up? And if so, any tips on dealing with a vile tempered teen for a week?? Confused

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 16/08/2018 23:20

Glad she is happier now.

I am surprised at some of the replies. Surely it doesn't matter if she sleeps in a single.

I am much older than 18 in fact am old enough to have a child of over 18, but if i was offered an all expenses paid holiday i would be grateful for any bed as i have to sleep on the floor!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 23:59

I presume you think that’s relevant, Farrah? Why?

lunchboxloony · 17/08/2018 00:11

Nobody needs a double bed unless they are a couple. I can't understand all the DCs friends (primary school) who have double beds - what a nightmare changing the duvet covers???!!! I was very happy with a single until I had my own house - DD is being a spoilt brat! Does she have a double at home? (If so - why on earth?? I just don't get it!).

pollymere · 17/08/2018 00:21

Glad it seems sorted. Few niggles though. Two narrow singles 2ft or 2.5 would make a small double or double bed. And anyone who's been to Uni will tell you that you can sleep two people in a narrow single! 😂

HolyPieter · 17/08/2018 00:36

Why on Earth is a grown adult going on holiday with her parents in the first place?

If she wants a holiday she's old enough to either go with friends or by herself, she shouldn't be scrounging off Mummy and Daddy.

Guienne · 17/08/2018 00:56

Lots of adults go on holiday with their families. Why shouldn't they? It's no-one's business but OP and her family's.

cookiesandchocolate · 17/08/2018 01:06

18!!!!!
Just because you're now legal means naff all.
I was a child at 18, although I was allowed to make my own decisions.
I felt like a child even when I became a mum at 23.
What about a kid who turns 18 in September in their final year at sixth form, versus a kid who turns 18 in the August of their final year of sixth form.
I hate this mantra on mumsnet whereby if you're 18, your officially an adult and that's it, done, hands washed.

My mum did this, and it wasn't actually nice. No longer classed as welcome for family holidays with younger siblings and made to fend for myself.
My minimum wage paid job didn't help me. Also as I was on the 18 year old minimum wage rather than the 25 year old minimum wage.
It's a ridiculous notion and frankly means shit. Yes she's classed as an adult in the eyes of the law but no way in hell would I leave my 18 year old child, as bratty as they made be, in a French village by themselves, just because they are classed as an 'adult'

AllAboutTheStuff · 17/08/2018 01:17

Well when my eldest turned 18 he didn’t come away with us but that was because he had just booked his first holiday abroad and was having to work to jobs to pay for it

He was 6 foot 3 and sleeping in a 3 quarter bed at 22 when he moved out because there wasn’t room for a double . His brother now has the room and at 6 foot has opted for a single as he prefers to have room for a book case (tiny room) it doesn’t hurt adults to sleep in a single bed

AllAboutTheStuff · 17/08/2018 01:18

*two ffs!

MrGHardy · 17/08/2018 01:33

"Why does she need a double bed?"

Really? Could ask why does the 12 year old. And it was the 15 year old that was ill.

ToftyAC · 17/08/2018 03:39

For goodness sake! We have just come back from a family holiday! Me, my DP and DS2 (who is 3) shared one room, all with single beds, and DS1 (who is 16) had the next room with a double. We did not die or suffer any ill effects from sleeping in single beds for a week.

Teacher22 · 17/08/2018 07:02

The DD needs to sort her ideas out. I have noticed that there is a clear divide between entitled, resentful, scapegoating people and those who are grateful and appreciative. The former are miserable and poison their own and others’ lives never suspecting that they are responsible for their own unhappiness merely because they are grudging and bitter.
Those who have empathy and appreciate the good things in their lives are happy and create happiness around them.

The trick is to find the best in every situation and to do what I call the ‘life audit’. Every day think about your blessings, advantages and pleasures. In a rich, free, first world country with the NHS, benefits, free education and pensions there is a lot to be thankful for.

Your daughter should be thinking of all the children who do not have loving families and lovely holidays.

Cismyass · 17/08/2018 07:08

Yes she is a spoilt madam and she'd be getting first dibs of nothing in future. Also she's a bit old for tantrums and flouncing.

Jeanclaudejackety · 17/08/2018 08:51

I went on holiday with parents at 18 and 19 AND did the Greek Island girls holiday alcohol fest every year from 16 as well, funded by birthday money and part time job money, it doesn't mean I didn't want to go away with my parents still, we got on well and they come away with me and dd sometimes as well

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/08/2018 09:26

It must be awful to have that sort of relationship with your kids, where you can announce that they’re no longer your responsibility because they’ve turned 18, and they’re no longer welcome to participate in family events and should just piss off to Ibiza instead, while the members of the family who haven’t yet reached the majority enjoy themselves elsewhere.
How dreary.

No wonder they don’t want to be around you.

RiverTam · 17/08/2018 09:30

Two single pushed together is a superkingsize! Much better than a piddling double Wink. DH and my bed in our cottage was made up like this, it was blissfully ginormous.

harrietm87 · 17/08/2018 09:40

Wow can't believe all the posters saying she should get a double because she's 18?! When I was 18 I shared a room with my sister and we each had a single bed. My bro was in a box room and had a single bed. None of my friends had double beds at home. When I went to uni everyone lived in college for 3 years and every bed was a single. Unless you are sharing with a partner why do you need a double?!

She's just being a teenager- id just leave her to it.

BlueBug45 · 17/08/2018 09:51

@lunchboxloony in one of my friends' cases it is because her kids' half-siblings are tall and she didn't want to have to buy full replacement beds when they hit their teenage years. When they moved she actually sold their single beds off. Plus visitors can sleep in her kids' beds as there is no spare room while the kids can be put up elsewhere in the house.

kateandme · 17/08/2018 12:14

im shocked but thankful my family seems to be so different to those on here.
people being shocked an 18 year old comes on holiday.and why would they/should they?!to me and us in our family your children are your children and part of the family at any age.
as a wider family we had cousins and sibling going who were anything from 7 to 28.bf included for some.
still went and were lovingly and wanted on family holdays at 18.still get asked and go now.with ranges of 25-32 we all still find this lovely to be both asked and to go.same with cousins.
we also didn't reach 18 and weren't "quick ur an adult get out!"told by our parents.they love and protect and (child) us as much as ever.

AsIfIWish · 17/08/2018 14:38

I used to hate the 'rush in and grab a bedroom' thing with my siblings, and regardless of what room I got, I always felt disgruntled if I'd been last – more so if I considered the room to be worse than the others. If I was really tired/hungry I sometimes did have a strop at least internally (externally if challenged about looking grumpy).

I wasn't an entitled child, rather got left out/ignored at times, so different situation, but I can sympathise, I guess.

I have lots of siblings and I used to hate the push-and-shove mentality. If we all just went in together and chose nicely I would have been far happier!

IceCreamFace · 17/08/2018 14:46

Why on Earth is a grown adult going on holiday with her parents in the first place?

Errrr because her and her family enjoy each other company and want to spend time abroad together. I don't think much changes because a teenager happens to turns 18. If they're still in education their earning potential is limited and they certainly haven't reached full maturity in most cases yet. (I'm not suggesting you should treat an 18 year old like an 18 month old just saying there's no reason they should suddenly be uninvited from family holidays on their 18th birthday).

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 17/08/2018 14:50

We've just gone with our 20y old and 18y old and two younger siblings, and some extended family.

I don't see it as odd at all, especially if they are at uni and living away term time, it's a nice way to spend time together.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 17/08/2018 14:52

Its not fair expect an adult to use a single bed and give a 12 year old a double. I would have made the young child move rooms.

Ellyess · 17/08/2018 16:36

Twistella Oh poor Mum!! (and Dad and sister(s) or is one a brother?)

I have 3 daughters all now flown the nest and my husband very late of this life. However I have not and probably shall never recover from the miseries of the holidays with all 3 because one of them I am sure was the baby from hell. Oh how strange and sort of releasing it is to tell strangers the honest truth! Makes me feel so guilty of course. But it didn't matter what the situation, everything had to revolve around her. She had to have the best. Then when she got it, she screamed and was nasty and stopped the world turning because she found something else to go crazy about. Her sisters had terrible childhoods unless she was temporarily out of the house for example at a birthday party.
I would get your DD18 to leave home as soon as you can. Good luck. She will come back and if it's like the one I've got, she won't change. She will treat others badly and somehow get away with it, she will make you terribly unhappy. Try to detach yourself. I don't know where why or what it's all about with these people (I did get a first in Psychology) but they just are like that. As a friend said, try to feel good about yourself, 2 out of 3 were nice kids, so don't keep wondering what you did wrong. Others would say she's a spoilt brat but sometimes we gave in out of desperation. The lengths she goes to are terrifying.

Good luck. Enjoy your good children, the two who play fair. I really will pray for you.🌻

margesimpson40 · 17/08/2018 16:50

Truthfully the two oldest children should Get the bigger beds not always the best. I was 5' 8" by the time I was 1 5 and single beds were a nightmare as I slept on my stomach with my arms stretched up to the headboard. 18 ... Maybe should have went on holiday with friends. I'd say the strip has nothing to do with the bed it's just the straw