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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Making coffee in work- non drinker

439 replies

Winchester89 · 14/08/2018 14:59

Right, started a new job couple of months ago. I love it, everyone's really nice. I'm the admin assistant for a small team of 4 other people.
Anyway- I don't drink tea or coffee. Therefore have never offered to make anyone any as I really hate doing it and don't think I should if I'm not also drinking it! Couple of the team made some subtle comments that I've just ignored or laughed off.
So today- my manager is on her way out to a meeting with other team member - mug in hand goes- oh we were just saying we should get you making coffees!
I replied automatically 'not happening' and laughed. And she looked taken aback by it and then carried on to the meeting.
Am I being unreasonable in not wanting to become the tea lady for the team considering I don't even make the stuff for myself!?

OP posts:
NicknameMustbeBetween4and30Cha · 15/08/2018 19:03

you can't expect her to make it if she doesn't drink it

Exactly. Only a CF would expect you to do so.

FabulouslyFab · 15/08/2018 19:30

Lols - fab update!! 👍

PotteryLady · 15/08/2018 19:48

YANBU. I don't drink hot drinks at work and we had this issue 15 years ago. Everyone took turns and tried to include me - I just said I find the drink it so wouldn't be making it. Used to piss me off when we had visitors and the manager used to pop out to get us to make drinks - he knew where the kettle was! Anyway there was so much time wasted making drinks we got a vending m/c - problem solved.

LilyMumsnet · 15/08/2018 19:53

Ahem

Can we have a bit of peace and love, please?

MiniCooperLover · 15/08/2018 20:02

I was a PA in a big law firm to a partner and several lawyers. The partner would never ask me to do drinks, I think in 6 years I got him a coffee and sandwich 3 or 4 times because otherwise he wouldn't have eaten or drunk anything due to being busy, but I volunteered. The associates (especially the flipping trainees) would always try to make me go to Costa or whatever for them but because I had his backing that I wasn't a servant but a person with an actual job I said
No. Also the secretaries would get themselves all tied up that I didn't want to join the 'tea gang' and o said 'I don't drink it so I don't make it'. Honestly it drives me mad that people even think this could be your responsibility!!

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 15/08/2018 20:13

When they are doing tea run why don't you ask for water/juice? I have made tea but it was shit and now everyone laughs at my tea making skills.

Winchester89 · 15/08/2018 20:15

@MercedesDeMonteChristo
Because I have a giant bottle of water on my desk I've normally filled at home. Then I buy a Diet Coke in the afternoon

OP posts:
Jiggy16 · 15/08/2018 20:33

Can't believe the amount of 'senior staff' and professional people out there that must be unable to make themselves a drink! I'd be embarrassed expecting someone else to make me my drink. Here and there if someone's already making one and they offer to make me one-lovely, but the favour would be returned and no expectation to keep it up! If u need that many teas etc to do ur job then that's ur issue, not the junior staff!

TornFromTheInside · 15/08/2018 20:54

Lead by example
Make a brew for your staff

InionEile · 15/08/2018 21:29

No serious businesses do this 'junior staff / secretaries get the tea' thing anymore. The big tech companies I've worked in have vending machines or alternatively someone will do a Starbucks / Costa run. This kind of hierarchical thinking is antiquated.

cherish123 · 15/08/2018 21:30

Why do people not just make their own tea or coffee. I suspect the manager does not know you don't drink t or c.

stressedoutpa · 15/08/2018 21:35

I was a PA for a long long time and got to the point of staying out of the tea/coffee making groups.

Making 20 cups of tea and coffee in one go, trying to remember that Brian like builders tea with one sugar, Sarah has black coffee, Trevor like earl grey with a dash of milk stirred in a clockwise direction, etc. etc. Someone would then reciprocate the offer and I'd end up with an insipid cup of gnat's pee.

Seriously, who has time for that shit?! Unless it is part of your job description, then I wouldn't be sucked in. Admin and PA jobs are crackers these days. I made tea for myself and my boss (if he/she was in the office) and made sure refreshments/catering was arranged for meetings but that was that.

TornFromTheInside · 15/08/2018 21:53

No serious businesses do this 'junior staff / secretaries get the tea' thing anymore

Big tech firms don't, but lots of other traditional firms do - legal can be steeped in some old world stuff. Some very big companies outside of tech.

Pringlecat · 15/08/2018 23:04

There seems to be a lot of bad attitude on this thread!

I actually like that we have tea rounds in my team. Yes, everyone takes their tea/coffee/water a different way, but that's the point. You end up knowing one small, personal detail about a colleague - even if it's it just that they like a splash of milk and 20 sugars.

I don't make the most junior people make me tea. And I certainly don't make the most junior women make me tea. We all make each other drinks because it's a nice thing to do, and we all pull our weight regardless of seniority or gender. It's a little gesture that says despite the hierarchical system, no one thinks they're better than anyone else on a basic human level.

If anyone joined my team and started giving attitude about something as trivial as taking it in turns to get a drink for a colleague, I would start to question whether they were a good fit. It's one thing politely opting out of a drinks round - "Oh, I find this one giant bottle I bring to work every day does the trick for me, so I'll sit out the rounds if that's ok?" to declaring "Not happening!"

I think when you're new, it's very important to observe how the current team interact together and tweak your behaviour to fit with them. Your probation is always part capability and part personality. You need to make an effort to get them on side - obviously without being a doormat. But doing a nice, reciprocal thing for your colleagues isn't being a doormat.

In the OP's shoes, I would join in with the tea round "I'm just refilling my water bottle, would anyone else like a drink?" and then next time someone pops to the kitchen with a bunch of mugs call out, "Ooh, I'll have some water if that's OK - thank you so much!" It may be they've excluded her from the tea round given her reluctance to making tea, but it should be easy enough to get back into it.

evilharpy · 15/08/2018 23:34

cherish123 "Why do people not just make their own tea or coffee"

I like doing tea runs. I drink multiple cups of tea or coffee in a day but usually only have to make myself one when it's my turn for the tea run, and everyone else taking their turn keeps us all well supplied. Plus there's always someone in the kitchen to have a quick natter with. It doesn't take long. We have a coffee machine and a hot water tap for making tea without having to wait for the kettle to boil.

The most prolific drinks run offerer in our team is probably one of the senior managers. There are three people in the team who don't drink hot drinks at all, so they don't do drinks runs and nobody would expect them to. But we would all happily bring them a glass of water.

Also there are always biscuits in the communal biscuit tin. We don't have a kitty or a biscuit rota or anything like that but if someone notices the biscuits getting low and happens to pop out for some lunch they'll just bring back a packet. It's all very civilised really.

TornFromTheInside · 15/08/2018 23:50

Life is full of nice gestures. As long as it's not expected or demanded, it's just something nice to do.
We gift someone a lift in the car.
We help someone carry something.

It's just what we do to be friendly. It's true we don't need to do it, and sometimes it can be illogical, but ho hum.

stressedoutpa · 16/08/2018 06:54

I think it depends on opinion. Some people think it is a lovely gesture to encourage team bonding. Other people think it is a pain in the arse. There is a lot of forced behaviour in offices which makes it a very unnatural environment. You only have to read the crisp chomping/curry eating at desk threads on here and the rage that ensues to understand how people feel about spending 40 hours a week with people that they probably wouldn't be friends with outside work.

I do a completely different job now (not PA) and work at a far more leisurely pace so the tea making probably wouldn't be an issue for me now. When I was a PA, I barely had time for a wee let alone making drinks en masse. Sorry, getting Board papers out on time trumps Nigel's huffing and puffing that I haven't made him tea with his organic tea picked by orangutans at a sanctuary in Sri Lanka.

Jenasaurus · 16/08/2018 07:58

I work in a team as an Administrator, there are another 2 Administrators, 4 managers and a variety of other senior roles in the department. We all take it in turns to make teas and coffees, even if we aren't having any, its not a rota but we are all aware of whose turn it is. I get water for the ones that don't drink tea and coffee but we all muck in, no one is too senior and its not just the admin job to do.

Adnerb95 · 16/08/2018 08:01

pringlecat has nailed it!!

KidLorneRoll · 16/08/2018 08:39

"Other people think it is a pain in the arse."

It is totally a pain in the arse. So much easier if people just get up and get their own drinks when they want them. If people want to spend 20 minutes faffing and having a chat, they can do that without involving the people who just want to get on with their work.

Gottokondo · 16/08/2018 09:43

I don't drink coffee and I never make it because when I do they complain it's too strong or too weak. I have no idea what I'm doing and all coffee drinker have a different recipe for some reason Confused. So if they want a good cuppa they need a coffee drinker to make

chatwoo · 16/08/2018 10:19

OP I haven't read all 16 pages Grin but good for you for standing your ground. I did admin/support work for many years and hated the fact that various people think admin means that we might also like to make the tea. I tried my best not to get suckered in to such things and even sat out of the tea/coffee round in various workplaces. If I want a quick drink, I don't want to offer everyone else and end up having to make 10 cups of varying milkiness, not too hot, just a touch of sugar etc... Luckily there are no such niceties in my current workplace!

AlmaGeddon · 16/08/2018 10:42

You could argue that you are considering their health. There’s less chance of DVT if everyone gets up and walks about every few hours!

runningkeenster · 16/08/2018 10:45

When I was at uni I did a 2 week work placement at a large law firm. They had a tea lady who came round every afternoon and made everyone tea from a big urn on a trolley. How civilised that was.

I wonder whether anywhere still has that? I doubt it somehow in the age of cutting costs of the bone. I've also worked in places which didn't even have a kettle and you had to pay for all your drinks.

actualpuffins · 16/08/2018 10:48

I'd say you absolutely don't have to take part in the coffee/tea rounds if you don't drink it. However if normal practice dictates that you take it in turns to make coffee for meetings, you should do that.

We are a small office and have a morning coffee break at about 11am and an afternoon one at about 3.30pm. People make coffee for themselves and ask if anyone else wants one who comes into the kitchen. Even if I'm not having a coffee, unless I'm very busy I try and sit down with them for ten minutes and have a chat.