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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Have Walked Out of Restaurant about Wagyu Beef

269 replies

WaguBeef · 14/08/2018 13:28

DP & I have recently returned from holiday with his DCs.

On the last evening we went out for a meal at a lovely restaurant.

DP & his son (13) both ordered Wagyu beef steaks- 150 gms. The restaurant only had 1 x 150 & 1 x 130 gm steaks left. DP said that’s fine.

When they arrived DSS started crying & shouting it wasn’t fair for DP (he’s 15 stone) to have the bigger steak.
After 5 minutes I got up and left.

DP thinks I should have been more understanding. I said ‘ personally I would have picked up the offending steak & put it in the bin’

OP posts:
missyB1 · 15/08/2018 12:46

I wonder if this boy would benefit from some professional input on how to manage his emotions? He does seem to be emotionally immature for his age. He needs to build resilience because life only gets harder from that age.
You were absolutely right to walk away from that situation in the restaurant by the way, I don’t see what other option you had.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 13:01

Perhaps it was hangry tears at the end of a really stressful week when the 13 year old realised all the old hierarchies have changed and he is now the least important person in his dads life.
Whatever it was I think you were wrong to walk out the restaurant but you should have modelled calm, reasonable behaviour to this obviously confused young boy

I expect his parents already parent exactly like this. Very understanding of his behaviour and calm while he kicks off.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 13:01

Bold fail Angry

RainySeptember · 15/08/2018 13:06

I disagree that walking away was the best option. It might be what is recommended to take the wind out of the sails of an attention-seeking 3yo in your own home, but I imagine it just inflamed the situation with a teenager in a restaurant.

Was the meal finished, or abandoned? Was dss taught the lesson you wanted? Was dp better able to deal with his son, or faced with the added stress of you leaving?

You didn't do any activities with dc during the holiday, and walked out of a meal. They may well be indulged but they also know that you don't like them very much.

QueenArseClangers · 15/08/2018 13:11

Think I spotted a pic of him in my copy of Viz...

To Have Walked Out of Restaurant about Wagyu Beef
Original poster
WaguBeef · 15/08/2018 13:14

@RainySeptember - a very unfair & untrue assumption on your behalf. You have absolutely no idea how much I go above & beyond to make their time with us the best & most comfortable time I can usually to my detriment.
By choosing not to participate in activities they had a great bonding experience with their father & seemed to like telling me all about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaguBeef · 15/08/2018 13:16

& yes I did walk out. I quietly told DP that I was stepping out for some fresh air.
I will not sit in a restaurant while a 13 yo cries because he is not getting his own way

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 15/08/2018 13:18

But if you are certain your actions were justified, I'm not sure why you are asking us if they were

SoftSheen · 15/08/2018 13:19

YANBU. I'd be mortified if my 3 year old behaved like that.

bluddyknackered · 15/08/2018 13:27

Honestly, my (much-younger) step-sister was parented like this by her father, and pandered to for atrocious behaviour, and sadly it's turned her into an absolute monster now at 24 years old. She's selfish, manipulative, angry, bitter and a liar - and desperately unable to cope with real life. When I think of what a lovely girl she was as a small child, it makes me really sad, as being ludicrously spoiled has basically ruined her life.

It's a really hard situation for you to be in, op. My mum tried to discipline her a little, with the result that she won't speak to my mum at all, now. She claims mum 'abused' her (eg occasionally asked her to tidy her room or wash the dishes). I blame her dad squarely for allowing this to happen and not nipping the nonsense in the bud years ago.

bluddyknackered · 15/08/2018 13:28

And for what it's worth, I think you were absolutely right to show that that behaviour was unacceptable, since his dad was not showing that in the slightest - so how else will he learn?

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 13:28

I will not sit in a restaurant while a 13 yo cries because he is not getting his own way

Too bloody right OP. I’d walk out if my own son did that.

AgentJohnson · 15/08/2018 13:29

The real problem is the spineless parent who enables this behaviour by pandering to it. I wouldn’t be very understanding of a 13 year old pulling this shit but I would be more embarrassed to call a man DP who failed their child by enabling such poor behaviour.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 15/08/2018 13:33

There are always a handful of posters on each thread started by a step parent who will, no matter how badly that the child has behaved, tell the step parent that it is somehow their fault merely for existing. And any behaviour is excused by virtue of the fact that the child has experienced their parents divorcing.

It's such bullshit, and unhelpful for these children in their futures to grow up being precious little snowflakes.

My DC have also experienced a divorce, and their father fucking off and having no contact. They wouldn't even think about behaving like this, because they have boundaries and manners. When they misbehave they have consequences put in place, because it is my job as a parent to raise them properly!

RainySeptember · 15/08/2018 13:37

"so how else will he learn?"

Do did he learn then? It worked did it?

"because it is my job as a parent to raise them properly"

Agreed.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/08/2018 13:40

He needs to learn that his behaviour will drive people away

FanciedAChangeToday · 15/08/2018 13:41

Sorry if you have answered this already OP - I have scanned your posts but couldnt see this. How did your DP and his son respond when you walked out? Did it calm the situation down and teach DSS a lesson?
FWIW I totally agree with what you did. My sons are 13 and 14 and would never cry about this, cant imagine them doing it when they were 7/8/9 let alone 13 and 14

sexnotgender · 15/08/2018 13:52

Your DP needs to step up ASAP and parent him properly or he’s going to get a very nasty shock when he gets out into the real world.

Amanduh · 15/08/2018 13:54

Ffs all this justifying and sense of justice and oh dad should have cut his steak why should he get more because he’s an adult etc... no.
He was having a massive strop and was being a brat. He has his steak, it was a tiny bit smaller, he had a tantrum. He needed telling off and a conversation that his behaviour isn’t acceptable.
Yanbu op

Guienne · 15/08/2018 14:48

& yes I did walk out. I quietly told DP that I was stepping out for some fresh air.

I know it's hindsight and all that, but I suspect if would have been more effective if you had firmly told both of them that you were leaving because you didn't want to witness your stepson's appalling behaviour any longer.

Notmany · 15/08/2018 14:54

Why are you wasting good expensive meat on a 13 year old? No wonder he behaves like a spoilt brat.

JessicaJonesJacket · 15/08/2018 15:40

So is the question: were you UR to quietly leave the table, saying you needed fresh air rather than address DSS' behaviour?
Because I think most PPs thought you had made it clear why you were leaving and hence are answering a completely different AIBU.

Waffles80 · 15/08/2018 15:45

What happened once you’d left?

Shell4429 · 15/08/2018 17:30

To be fair 13 year old still growing and probably needed it more than an overweight man. They burn a lot of calories at that age.

DarlingNikita · 15/08/2018 17:33

Shell, I don't imagine the 13-year-old was in danger of wasting away for want of 20g of steak Grin