To Have Walked Out of Restaurant about Wagyu Beef

[WaguBeef]

DP & I have recently returned from holiday with his DCs.

On the last evening we went out for a meal at a lovely restaurant.

DP & his son (13) both ordered Wagyu beef steaks- 150 gms. The restaurant only had 1 x 150 & 1 x 130 gm steaks left. DP said that’s fine.

When they arrived DSS started crying & shouting it wasn’t fair for DP (he’s 15 stone) to have the bigger steak.
After 5 minutes I got up and left.

DP thinks I should have been more understanding. I said ‘ personally I would have picked up the offending steak & put it in the bin’

You did the right thing OP. But what happened next?

I’m struggling to understand all the acronyms on this thread. What’s NT? DSS? There’s others I’ve lost now. Is there a guide to mumsnet acronyms somewhere?!

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

DSS = Darling StepSon
NT = Neurologically Typical

I agree that it may be about more than the steak. My ds is the same age and is very tearful at the moment. He wouldn’t cry over food, but on occasion he has been upset at something completely that seems completely irrational and we just give him a hug and talk him through it. He always apologises for his behaviour and we move on.

The thing that most stuck out for me in the op was that dp didn’t offer his ds the larger steak in the first place. In this situation dh would always have taken the smaller steak, as would I tbh.

DSS started crying & shouting

What did the shouting involve? Was it loud enough to draw attention from other people in the restaurant?

I'd have been embarrassed too, and would've removed myself from the situation. A 13 year old crying and/or shouting in public because he can't get his way isn't normal and I wouldn't want to be associated with it either.

So I guess none of you have teenagers then because the behaviour the op saw is actually typical teen behaviour thanks to their hormones. It's not acceptable though but allowances should be made as the teen is confused and struggles to control all these new feelings which can often result in anger and crying.
I know this because I have a teen under CAMHS right now and this is something we have discussed in length. It passes thankfully.
If this behaviour doesn't get better by 15/16 years then I would self refer to CAMHS as they may need extra help.

lovelove I have had two boys go through the teen stage (now in their 20s), and another ds about to start those years. I wouldn't say that crying and tantrumming in public was typical teen behaviour, my boys wouldn't have wanted everyone in the restaurant looking at them. Yes they did struggle with their emotions at times - and there were certainly outbursts at home, but most NT teens get very easily embarrassed and would want to avoid Joe public seeing them in a state. Mind you my boys were mature enough at 13 not to cry just because someone had something bigger than they did.

Who's paying for the sodding steak? No wonder the kid is entitled if he expects to have the bigger steak because that's the norm

missyB totally agree. Teens can have extreme mood swings for sure but my 16-year-old would never behave like that in public or cheat at catds! It’s pathetic and embarrassing behaviour.

Ywnbu
The description of his behaviour is not at all unusual to me strangely, several of dc’s friends behave like this, all from stable families. I’m just gobsmacked at seeing a 12yo + tantrum (not cry, tantrum. my hormonal one-parent dcs occ cry of course). This is why I dont have them over anymore or take them in my car and it has caused tension with their parents but fuck that for a game of soldiers I want a quiet life!

I teach and it's not unusual behaviour to me either.

I also don't think it's always a clear case of a spoilt brat and bad parenting, no matter how much some people want to believe that. A conversation afterwards usually hints at the real reason.

In this case, on the last day of a holiday, away from his mum, watching his dad and dsm interacting, there'll be a lot more to it I suspect. If his dad said he needed some understanding, he needed some understanding imo.

And regarding the cheating at games, that's linked to self esteem and powerlessness and a need to look successful at something.

To people who never had this problem with their teens - well done, you've been lucky, or done a great job at parenting, or probably a combination of both, but it doesn't take much imagination to see that not everyone is necessarily as fortunate as you.

Couldn't agree more, September

my dsis was spoilt it got to the point they just gave her money whnever she asked-it really hasnt done her any favours as an adult

shes very entitled thinks the world owes her-why shold she work why wont people still give her money for nothing

its quite sad really-u let them do what they want and act how they want this is what happens

I left a full carvery meal and a glass of wine in a pub on my birthday because my son was in meltdown mode. I didnt want to upset other diners and ruin their meal as well as my own! He was 18 months.....13 year old would be frogmarched home! If your DP wants to be understanding he should either discipline him or give him the steak and save you the headache

I have 7 x dc over teen age and can truly declare not 1 has ever had a hornomal meltdown at the table over a meal.
Ds once discussed his newly sprouted pubes over lasagne with mil +fil present.
Didn't go down well - the topic not the food.

I've cried over things that really were not worth crying over. I'm 30. It's not 'acceptable' that he cried in public like that (and I think his dad should have a word with him about it) but it is perhaps understandable. He's 13, probably hormonal, could have stuff going on that's worrying him, who knows. I doubt it's about steak.

I would have taken the steak off his plate and shared it between the others let him show himself up.

This reminds me of the time when DH, teenage DSC and I were meant to go out for a meal. DSC weren't happy with me travelling in the car with them because they would be 'cramped' so I had to make my own way to the restaurant. Got there a bit early and settled down with a glass of wine, everyone else arrived, then DSC decided they didn't want to eat there after all and threw a huge tantrum. DH agreed to take them somewhere else. I enjoyed a lovely quiet meal at the restaurant we had originally agreed on. Good riddance.

Yellowocelot good for you! Hope you enjoyed your evening. It’s important not to be pushed around and to draw a line at unacceptable behaviour.