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Original poster

To Have Walked Out of Restaurant about Wagyu Beef

269 replies

WaguBeef · 14/08/2018 13:28

DP & I have recently returned from holiday with his DCs.

On the last evening we went out for a meal at a lovely restaurant.

DP & his son (13) both ordered Wagyu beef steaks- 150 gms. The restaurant only had 1 x 150 & 1 x 130 gm steaks left. DP said that’s fine.

When they arrived DSS started crying & shouting it wasn’t fair for DP (he’s 15 stone) to have the bigger steak.
After 5 minutes I got up and left.

DP thinks I should have been more understanding. I said ‘ personally I would have picked up the offending steak & put it in the bin’

OP posts:
Jeepy · 15/08/2018 19:59

No underlying issues, but he cries if he loses a board game...at 13?

SalemBlackCat · 15/08/2018 20:04

It is difficult because if you are not married you have no actual standing as a stepmum with him, but I would definitely tell your partner that his behaviour is not only bad, it is truly disturbing and he needs help. Maybe next time the boy acts up and cries in public, tell him loudly that people are staring at him crying and doesn't he feel embarrassed that at 13 he is crying in public over 'insert issue', and even say if you keep crying maybe you should be in nappies. Yeah, harsh but it may just embarrass him and jolt his self-worth enough as a boy to make him reconsider his behaviour.

Bestseller · 15/08/2018 20:08

There's something uncomfortable about a 13yo not being allowed to cry. Obviously if it was about a few grams of steak Something's badly wrong but that's all the more reason a bit of kindness is required.

His father is right, more understanding is required. Not about the steak but about why a 13yo boy is so fragile he will cry and make a scene in public.

unababy · 15/08/2018 20:08

When my stepdaughter was about that age she would throw a tantrum a least once a week over the most trivial of things. I walked out more than once. I felt that if I weighed in on the strong discipline it would have a negative effect on our relationship. My DP, her Dad, always supported my actions. DSD is now in her thirties and we are on very good terms.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 15/08/2018 20:18

Just picked up on maybe it wasn’t about his steak. Feel have been a bit judgmental here.
Yes, it’s inappropriate for a 13 yo to have hysterics about his meal but now I’m thinking there’s more going on here.
Is family life ok? Is he happy about op and dp’s relationship?
He sounds like he’s got a lot of anger going on.

ScattyCharly · 15/08/2018 20:22

I haven’t rtft but would point out that an active 13 year old boy in adolescence could easily require more calories than a grown man. Boys of that age can often have gigantic appetites. And especially go crazy for meat. I remember my brother at that age needing meat like it was a drug! I don’t know wtf a waygu steak is though.

That aside, the crying in the restaurant is an indicator that something is not OK. Either he is not coping on holiday without his mum, struggling with adolescence or not actually NT and something is going undiagnosed. Whichever it is, I wouldn’t have walked out as that just fuels the fire.

I would also add that not all kids are the same. Just because you did not encounter these particular problems with your dc, it doesn’t mean it isn’t ok for this boy to encounter them.

happypoobum · 15/08/2018 20:25

What happened after you left OP? I am assuming DP caved and rewarded the brattish behaviour with the bigger steak?

Has DP discussed it with you since? How do you usually resolve any issues that arise around his sons behaviour?

I couldn't cope with this to be honest, it would put me right off spending time with them.

Maelstrop · 15/08/2018 20:37

I hope your DP has serious words with his son. I’m actually gobsmacked at a 13 year old being so spoilt that he behaved this way.

RainySeptember · 15/08/2018 20:38

"DP thinks I should have been more understanding"

Yes it would be interesting to know whether op walking out made the situation better or worse, and how her dp handled it.

Since, after the event, her dp felt that she should have been more understanding, I wonder whether he got a sense of the underlying issue.

NotBeforeCoffee · 15/08/2018 20:53

Op hasn’t even really given many details but everyone has psycho analysed this boy, his father and their entire life.
Being 13 is hard, being a child of divorced parents is hard, we don’t know how the DSS has been brought up, we don’t know how he was feeling that day. All we know is he’s got upset, sometimes if we are not feeling great small things can tip us over the edge and it seems totally irrational

StrangeLookingParasite · 15/08/2018 21:01

OP I think leaving was the dignified response to his bratty behaviour.

I agree, I don't know why people are responding so negatively to her leaving (and incorrectly characterising it as flouncing or huffing out). My view is that the sooner you remove the oxygen of attention from behaviour like this, the sooner it stops.

Mycatsaninja · 15/08/2018 21:12

My first thought when I read this was that maybe he has ASD issues , having a meltdown when things don’t go as expected is a big thing for an asd kid and that includes not winning games etc .

RainySeptember · 15/08/2018 21:36

"My view is that the sooner you remove the oxygen of attention from behaviour like this, the sooner it stops."

I think we're waiting to hear whether that is what happened, whether op walking out calmed the whole thing down and made him realise how badly he was behaving.

I tend to think that parents know their kids best. Certainly that is what mothers posting on here are always told - ignore everyone else, you know what is right for your child. If the boy's dad said afterwards that he needed some understanding, that makes me wonder whether there was a bit more to it. I can't believe it was all about 20g steak, I doubt it was noticeably smaller to the eye.

cheval · 15/08/2018 22:08

This young person is going to have real problems dealing with life if he has a hissy fit over a wagyu steak. Father needs to sit him down and have a chat.

Bestseller · 15/08/2018 23:10

This has to have much more to it than a 13yo being a spoiled brat

LemonysSnicket · 15/08/2018 23:21

A 13 yo should have been grateful you allowed him to order a very expensive cut of meat. My mother would've grounded him.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/08/2018 23:25

To be fair I wouldn't expect a teenager to be grateful for having a wagyu steak over a big standard one. I'd expect him to cope better with disappointment but it's not as though teens are famous for their gratitude.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 15/08/2018 23:46

The amount of women excusing this brat's behavior is exactly what is wrong with our world today!!!

Icapturethecast1e · 16/08/2018 00:03

My 7 yr old developmently delayed son use to behave like this & he still occasionally does. I never pandered to him & eventually he learnt to accept what's given or have nothing. It was bloody hard listening to him whine on & on but it was worth it. It must be hard for you OP as you can't really say anything if your partner isn't going to support you. The boys parents need to work together to help resolve his issues.

Mariatequila · 16/08/2018 00:40

Does it not concern you why he’s so fragile OP? It concerns me. Often when we are overwhelmed the littlest thing can tip us over the edge & what seems like an irrational reaction is actually just everything boiling over. I’d be interested to hear what a psychologist would say if he saw one.

Jeanclaudejackety · 16/08/2018 00:46

Oh god is he written off as "sensitive"?? What a load. Sounds like he has never in his life not had his own way.

DP should be mitigating the behaviour somehow and trying to help him grow up. He's not going to be very popular in year 9 crying over a boardgame with friends or because someone got the last piece of garlic bread at lunch time.

"there's only one 150g steak left so ill have that seeing as I'm a full on grownup, and you can have the smaller one, sound good? It's hardly any difference but if you're still hungry we can get some extra chips or even a nice big pudding after. Okie dokie let's order" breezy and no chance of arguing just set out what's happening.

Jeanclaudejackety · 16/08/2018 00:48

Don't care if he's having a bad day, he needs help to manage his behavior, as I said a teenager acting like this is not going to do well with peers.

Guienne · 16/08/2018 01:00

I remember my brother at that age needing meat like it was a drug!

Nobody needs meat. They might desperately want it, but that's a different thing.

Jeanclaudejackety · 16/08/2018 01:03

It's a bit of a derail but I kind of hate the growing boys need food thing. Growing PEOPLE need food. Its a load of shite that males are some sort of special exception for the years between 12 and 21 because they just need to gorge themselves 24/7, a lot of the time my older brothers ate out of boredom and because it was there. If all that was in the house was bananas and brown bread they wouldn't eat. When there was crisps, cooked meats, cheese and cola they ate the entire lot in a couple of hours without sharing and my sister and I, also teens looked on, whilst my mum said "they're growing boys leave them they're hungry" Sad

SemperIdem · 16/08/2018 01:07

You sure all entirely sure he is NT? That doesn’t sound at all like standard 13 year old behaviour, male or female.

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