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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Have Walked Out of Restaurant about Wagyu Beef

269 replies

WaguBeef · 14/08/2018 13:28

DP & I have recently returned from holiday with his DCs.

On the last evening we went out for a meal at a lovely restaurant.

DP & his son (13) both ordered Wagyu beef steaks- 150 gms. The restaurant only had 1 x 150 & 1 x 130 gm steaks left. DP said that’s fine.

When they arrived DSS started crying & shouting it wasn’t fair for DP (he’s 15 stone) to have the bigger steak.
After 5 minutes I got up and left.

DP thinks I should have been more understanding. I said ‘ personally I would have picked up the offending steak & put it in the bin’

OP posts:
DagenhamRoundhouse · 14/08/2018 14:17

Sounds like he might have behavioural issues. Not normal for a 13 YO.

namechange2pointoh · 14/08/2018 14:19

I would not have walked out. I would have sent the 13 out.

TatianaLarina · 14/08/2018 14:20

I’m guessing you had a lot of this on holiday and this was the last straw.

ali0210 · 14/08/2018 14:22

He sounds like a spoilt little brat. He should be grateful that he was getting treated to such a nice dinner in the first place. Doesn't sound like he deserves it. And your DP needs to realise that he should have put his foot down and made DSS understand that you don't always get what you want.

prunemerealgood · 14/08/2018 14:23

Hmm when you say it was your last night on holiday, how did the holiday go?
As a child whose dad couldn't give his children full attention when his girlfriend was around, I'm going to tend to wards the jealousy explanation.

It's a very strange thing to experience but when you just want your parent and you see them being lovely to someone else (who they are presumably involve with) you react with emotions you can't understand or process and they come out in scenarios like this.

Anyway, that was me. I'd look to his dad to repair things a bit and crucially to do all the adult explaining of why we do not behave like that even if we feel a bit shit.

(Obviously I'm projecting massively but kids are brats for all sorts of reasons!)

GetAwayFromHer · 14/08/2018 14:24

I have learnt that people who use the term 'spolit little brat' on AIBU threads about children or teens are not to be listened to Smile

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/08/2018 14:26

Is this the sort of behaviour his mother sees from him, or is it just when he's with you/his dad?
I would have been furious. I'm not a SM so I only have experience of my own children but I know they would never do this. They have been told many times that if they misbehave when we are out, they will be taken home straight away. I'm not sure if I actually would drag them home, but they believe that the treat would be lost, so it doesn't happen.
Maybe your partner is afraid to discipline his kids because he doesn't want to risk them refusing to see him. Whatever the reason, I agree that he isn't helping them at all.
I think you were quite right to leave, since your partner wasn't making an effort to deal with the behaviour (so staying to support him would achieve nothing). I'm sure it was mortifying for you as well as unpleasant for other diners.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/08/2018 14:28

He sounds like a spoilt little brat. He should be grateful that he was getting treated to such a nice dinner in the first place. Doesn't sound like he deserves it
So much wrong here! The child was wrong, but still a child and obviously in need of help/guidance from a parent. The fault here is really with inadequate parenting.
The idea of "deserving" one kind of food or another makes me really uncomfortable too, especially wrt children.

prunemerealgood · 14/08/2018 14:29

Ah well, my dad's gf also did things like walk out, refuse to speak to us, tell us we were brats.

We were bloody damaged is what we were and should have been somebody's priority. I'm going to guess that this holiday involved him wanting quite a bit of his father's attention.

ILoveDolly · 14/08/2018 14:30

My eight year old always makes a fuss if someone gets more than her (and she cries when she loses games too). The others aren't like this so I can only assume its a personality thing. If she's still doing it at 13 though I'll be mortified. I don't think you need to be understanding though, its clearly a ridiculous over reaction and you should be able to tell him he's making himself look an arse. Dad gets the bigger portion, because...... he's Dad. I usually find that hissing 'people who behave like this restaurants don't get dessert' works ok

summerFruitPudding · 14/08/2018 14:32

I'm an adult so no, I wouldn't have left a restaurant over a teenager's tantrum.

Botanicbaby · 14/08/2018 14:32

Your DP sounds like a terrible parent, no wonder your DSS behaves like that. Why is your DP excusing this behaviour. His son is going to grow up to be a selfish entitled immature adult who cannot cope with not getting his own way.

I’d be questioning compatibility with your DP & no I don’t blame you for walking out either. They both need to learn. I’d have gladly left them to it. YANBU.

nibblingandbiting · 14/08/2018 14:34

The kid needs his parents to step up and stop spoiling him. And like fuck would I have left anything early because he was in a mood. He and his dad could have left.

The restaurant, I wouldn't have left. I would have made it very clear father needs to deal with behaviour and if that means they leave then so be it

rainingcatsanddog · 14/08/2018 14:36

Your h is contributing to your dsd being this way. He has been conditioned by his parents to kick off. Most kids will have got over this by the time time that they start school.

I have kids of a similar age and if they were in that restaurant, they would have pissed themselves with laughter and be forced not to record it and make it viral. Crying at that age should be for actual physical or emotional pain.

I think that leaving was the classy thing to do. (But maybe the younger kids deserved to be free of the embarrassment of their sibling's crappy behaviour)

Funny that your h didn't give him the bigger steak as he's just so understanding 😂

HollowTalk · 14/08/2018 14:36

It's hard to see the boy in another light re the steak, though, @GetAwayFromHer. He sounds very spoiled and entitled and his dad sounds as though he indulges him.

I wonder whether he gave his son the bigger steak after the OP left.

Original poster
WaguBeef · 14/08/2018 14:38

To be clear - whilst we were away I didn’t do ANY activities with them (said I preferred to relax/read) so they could have time together. As a child of divorced parents I am well aware of time needed together.

As a parent of 2 older children I am also aware of how human beings should behave.
Throwing a strop about a smaller piece of meat is unacceptable behaviour.
I refuse to sit in a restaurant whilst a teenager is crying and making a scene.
He refused to see how his behaviour was unreasonable.
I preferred to leave rather than sit through a very unpleasant atmosphere

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 14:39

prunemerealgood I’m sorry that happened to you, but what was OP supposed to do? Sit in silence and put up with it?

UpOnTheDowns · 14/08/2018 14:42

I don’t think DP should have had the smaller steak & panda to DS.

Certainly not - panda must be even more expensive than Wagyu! Wink

buttermilkwaffles · 14/08/2018 14:43

I know he's "only" 13 but maybe tell him that there are plenty of children in the UK who don't get to go on any holiday at all and whose parents rely on food banks to feed them. Being able to eat the worlds most expensive steak in a nice restaurant while on holiday is something they can only dream about. (Not to mention that there are children literally starving to death in some parts of the world.) Sense of fucking perspective and all that. Either get him to have an appreciation for how privileged he actually and how he is massively overreacting about a minor "first world problem" or risk him growing up to be one of those unpleasant adults you sometimes come across, who have a massive sense of entitlement and little or no awareness of how privileged they are and how minor their "problems" are in the greater scheme of things.

WhoWants2Know · 14/08/2018 14:45

So how did your do resolve the situation?

YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 14:46

I’d put a fiver on him giving his kid the bigger steak.

CherryPavlova · 14/08/2018 14:46

It’s more difficult if you’re not the biological parent, I guess but we’re one of mine to behave in that way I’d have sent his meal back to the kitchen and let him go without.
He needs to be supported/allowed/made to grow up fairly quickly. Does he have friends?

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2018 14:47

I don't think it's ok to call this child names, like spoilt little brat.

But also I'd be deeply concerned if my 13 year old was behaving like this. I would have to assume there is underlying issues there op. Potentially it's a learned behaviour that gets him his own way,

However his parents need to start dealing with this, because in a few short years this child will be an adult, and at 13 he should know how to behave.

MissusGeneHunt · 14/08/2018 14:47

I've been in your position OP, and my ex partner's son was forever kicking off about minute things. My ExP's excuse was that he didn't dare reprimand him when he was staying with us as he was scared he'd not come back. Said child was immensely coddled by his mother as well. All and sundry could see the damage the indulging behaviours did, and I hear tales from mutual friends now, to the point that the son is no less spoilt, and behaves like a brat at an older age.

Nip it in the bud now, if you can. It'll save the son from being a tosser when he's older.

prunemerealgood · 14/08/2018 14:47

YeTalkShiteHen you're right of course.
Gah, it never goes away! I'm welling up with frustration at all of you calling him a spoiled entitled brat! And he might be. Or he might just be desperate!