Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving 102 miles to a destination one day over due.

160 replies

WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 08:46

And then of course 102 miles hole again.

I'm pregnant and due on Christmas Eve. My Dad is having Christmas at his with my brothers and all their kids and they make it into a huge magical deal that the kids love and the adults have a great time at.

I'm bound to go over due and I want to go.

DH says no. Not because he's worried about the baby coming, but because he wants to use the baby's due date as an excuse to stay home and not see family this year (if we never saw family he would be happy, his own included) or travel anywhere.

I say that being stuck in with two kids arguing over Christmas will be hell, and the kids will be missing out on an amazing day.

Logistically I would pack a bag, and if I went into labour that day then we would have childcare on tap.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
angelopal · 14/08/2018 08:54

I wouldn't go but with DC3 I could barely walk by the end and stuggled being in a car for more than 20 mins.

How long does it take to get their? Neither of you are being BU as both valid opinions. Can you wait until nearer the time to see how you feel.

Shitonthebloodything · 14/08/2018 09:03

I don't think it's worth arguing about now, what if the baby comes early?
I'd just get things organized so you have everything at home then if baby shows no signs of coming, decide the day before. You can't really make any solid plans like that around your due date.

CardsforKittens · 14/08/2018 09:04

For me it might depend on the roads! Two hours on the motorway I would be fine with. 100 miles of rural single track not so much, in case something went wrong with the car (but maybe your car is more reliable than mine).

Or maybe you can go with the kids and leave your DH with the remote and a take away menu? Would he enjoy that or would he feel left out?

SnuggyBuggy · 14/08/2018 09:04

I wouldn't have wanted to do such a long car journey as pregnant as that.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:05

I'm not making a solid plan. I'm making a decision, that if everything is ok and I'm still pregnant then I want to go my Dads.

If I'm uncomfortable or the baby is here (if the baby is here then we are definitely going) then we can change it.

So yes we can absolutely make a decision now, a flexible decision.

His is an outright no, and for selfish reasons in my book.

OP posts:
peodar · 14/08/2018 09:06

Is this your first? You really don't know what this pregnancy holds yet! I would however accept the invitation with family explicitly knowing you may flake at any given moment, research hospitals both in the location you're going and en route just in case and make a promise to your DH that you won't travel in bad weather, forecast or actual!

Also, don't agree to travel with a newborn - it's too far for them to be in a car seat at that stage

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:07

cardskittens it's all A roads and motorways.

I suggested that I go, and DH stay there and he said that was ridiculous.
To be fair, that was pretty stupid of me suggestion it, I know full well that my babies come out fast and a motorway isn't the best place.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:07

Peodar it's my third baby.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 14/08/2018 09:07

When does your DH get a turn to have Christmas the way he likes it?

From me, I wouldn’t have done the trip because I would have been in agony at full term.

But you do seem determined that your DH not get the chance to have a smaller, quieter Christmas. Which seems quite unfair to him.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:07
  • it's too far for them to be in a car seat at that stage

Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:09

Jassy small and quiet is fine. If that's what it would be.
Unfortunately I have two children who will be bored out of their minds and be arguing and there will be nothing quiet about it.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 14/08/2018 09:10

I was overdue for two of mine. The only thing I wanted was to be in labour, two hours in a car would have made me cry.

peodar · 14/08/2018 09:11

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

They should only be in for max 30 mins at a time. Your 2.5 hour journey would take at least 8 by the time you do the breaks

Neolara · 14/08/2018 09:11

Good God. Just no! Don't go.. I don't want to alarm you, but my Dc3 was born under 30 mins from the first twinge. Baby being born while at your dad's house is one thing. Baby being delivered at the side of the road by your DH in December with 2 kids looking on is quite another.

oldbirdy · 14/08/2018 09:11

If the baby is here I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to take a newborn on a 100 mile journey in Christmas traffic, for starters, or expose a newborn to a myriad of germs in a house full of children.

I think your dh is right. It's ONE Christmas and you have the chance to coccoon yourselves and have a lovely small family Christmas. There's no reason it should be terrible unless you have the mindset that it will be.

noblegiraffe · 14/08/2018 09:14

Imagine going into labour there, needing a c-section and having to do the 100 miles with a crying baby and a gaping wound. Or something needing a hospital stay 100 miles from home.

Anyonewhoknows · 14/08/2018 09:15

With DC I would have happily made flexible plans to go. You know how you feel, what you are capable of. If at the last minute you decided against then so be it.
Interested to know what your H excuse for not going would be if you weren't pregnant.

Anyonewhoknows · 14/08/2018 09:16

Meant with DC 3!

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 09:17

What do you normally do at Christmas? If this happens every year and you always go and DH wants a quiet family Christmas then you are being very unreasonable. Why shouldn't DH get to choose for once? Especially with a newborn baby.

If this is an unusual plan (eg brothers usually go to their in-laws) then YANBU (although I think you're a bit mad to want to go!).

IHeartKingThistle · 14/08/2018 09:18

We took 5 day old DD 3 and a half hours away for Christmas. Stopped a lot. Was pretty hideous.

JassyRadlett · 14/08/2018 09:19

Unfortunately I have two children who will be bored out of their minds and be arguing and there will be nothing quiet about it.

Seriously? Your kids can’t enjoy Christmas at home without being ‘bored out of their minds’? New toys, Christmas dinner, a couple of games, a walk if the weather allows to try out new outdoor toys, lots of treats, Xmas movie or telly and they’d be ‘bored out of their minds’?

Why on earth are you having a third if you don’t want to spend a day - and a day full of new/nice things - with the two you have?

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:19

Oh bloody hell.

Fine, you all win. Gutted, I really thought I wasn't being unreasonable with this one.
This is going to be such a boring Christmas.

I feel like the kids are really missing out.
Arse ☹️

OP posts:
shakeyourcaboose · 14/08/2018 09:19

I think it's unfair to ask your DH to do a 204 mile round trip (as assuming he'll have to do all the driving?) to something he does not want to do yet has taken part in for how many years? As pp said, when does he get the Christmas he would enjoy?

MumW · 14/08/2018 09:20

Can the older DC go whilst you and DH have a quiet Xmas together at home?

AJPTaylor · 14/08/2018 09:20

As pp. If you go every year yabu. Let dh enjoy a quiet xmas