Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving 102 miles to a destination one day over due.

160 replies

WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 08:46

And then of course 102 miles hole again.

I'm pregnant and due on Christmas Eve. My Dad is having Christmas at his with my brothers and all their kids and they make it into a huge magical deal that the kids love and the adults have a great time at.

I'm bound to go over due and I want to go.

DH says no. Not because he's worried about the baby coming, but because he wants to use the baby's due date as an excuse to stay home and not see family this year (if we never saw family he would be happy, his own included) or travel anywhere.

I say that being stuck in with two kids arguing over Christmas will be hell, and the kids will be missing out on an amazing day.

Logistically I would pack a bag, and if I went into labour that day then we would have childcare on tap.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 10:15

mamastudent that's what inspired me to post this thread!

OP posts:
Seeline · 14/08/2018 10:16

Even if baby comes early, I still think it's a wise move to stay at home. My DS was born at the end of November. It was a bad birth, I ended up with stitches and a blood transfusion and he ended up in special care for a week. Christmas was 2 weeks away when we came home. We went to my Mums for the day - DH drove, it was 20 mins in the car. I felt awful, the journey was really uncomfortable. DS was feeding all the time. 2 hours of that would have been horrendous.

adviceonthepox · 14/08/2018 10:18

Buy fun board games to play with the kids and treat yourselves to some movies and treats. Get DH to cook dinner and have a lovely chilled family Christmas. 12 year old can help DH with clearing up!

StopAndChat · 14/08/2018 10:19

I'd go without a second thought.
If the baby has arrived, I'd love the chance to relax whilst my family enjoy the new arrival. If baby hasn't arrived, I'd enjoy just being surrounded by those I love, relaxing, knowing the kids are being entertained.

If you only spend this time with them once a year, all the more reason to go.

EdisonLightBulb · 14/08/2018 10:20

fingers crossed your baby comes early OP then you can all go!

Arrowfanatic · 14/08/2018 10:21

I'd like to think I would still go if I were you, but having been pregnant myself 3 times I know that by the end a trip down the road in the car was uncomfortable let alone 100 miles. Not least because of the incessant need to pee every 10 minutes. Logically yes you can still go, you'll have family to keep the kids occupied, can put your feet up, if you do give birth there is family to rally round but what if you went into labour on the motorway. You've already said you labour quick and god forbid something went wrong you'd never forgive yourself.

I'd suggest staying home and spend a few days before prepping the roast. You can par boil all the veg and potatoes and freeze them so just need reheating. You can cook the meat and then just reheat it. All stuff easily manageable even when pregnant or Dh can surely reheat a meal. Failing that buy in a Chinese take away and warm that up for Xmas, or pizza guarantee the kids will love it.

My concern is that you feel Xmas alone with your little family will be boring. We always have Xmas just DH and the kids and we play games, go for a walk, play Xmas music and watch random stuff on tv. I've even had Xmas on my own pre children and my husband's shifts meant he worked them and it was blissful Grin.

I think forward planning will be your friend here, you never know you might go early and still be bleeding a murder scene out your foof and frankly who wants to travel in a car then or cook a big meal. Stay at home and prep and reheat.

Alittleshaderequired · 14/08/2018 10:23

We don’t have any family so Christmas is always just us and the kids. They’re never bored on Christmas Day.

@Lazypuppy, would you enjoy it as much if you spend every year with your inlaws? Or is it just because it’s your family?

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 10:24

You're missing the point Edison.

DH doesn't want to go because he can't be arsed with the family thing. It's nothing to do with the baby possibly coming that day.
So even if the baby is here, he still won't want to do the family thing.

OP posts:
WhatATimeToBeAlive · 14/08/2018 10:35

Depending on where you are, you would probably need to consider the weather as well. If (big if) we get snow/ice at Christmas your journey would be treacherous. The roads are horrendously busy on Boxing Day so you could find your journey takes far longer than you anticipate.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/08/2018 10:36

I'd go. Presumably if you see your family for a day and his for a day; you do get some quiet time around Christmas as a family?

It seems unreasonable to put his foot down and say that he doesn't want to drive because he wants to be at home but not suggesting how to make it a good day for everyone. Is he going to learn how to cook a roast between now and then? Spend time coming up with things to keep the kids busy?

If it was me, my only concern would be around whether it was worth going up a few days early so you were settled incase baby came - but I appreciate that might make DH even less happy!

Lazypuppy · 14/08/2018 10:39

@Alittleshaderequired if they did xmas properly with a full xmas dinner, turkey, ham, beef etc, and presents were a big thing (not expensive, but gifts selected for each person because you think thqt is what they like, not just boxes of choclates) then yes i would be happy to spend it with my in laws!

But they don't.

That's why we spend boxing day with them cause they don't care about the food and just want to get pissed.

LadyFlumpalot · 14/08/2018 11:00

I was due on Xmas eve with DS. I went into labour in the early hours of Xmas day. I wouldn't risk it personally.

Alittleshaderequired · 14/08/2018 11:28

@Lazypuppy, but surely a lot of it is you feeling comfortable spending Christmas with your parents? It is different for the OP’s DH as they’re not his family. We don’t have the option of any family but I’m not sure I’d want to travelling and faffing every year either or the squashing into one room. I’m not sure how it will be for my kids as adults either as I’m 47 and my youngest is still 4 so I’ll be at least almost 80 by the time family Christmas is even on her radar if I’m even still around of course. I’m guessing as you mention your nan that she must be rather old yet she still does Christmas? Shock if I can manage to keep doing them until DD is 18 then I’ll be 61 and probably done. Any years DH and I have left will then be on a beach although the kids will be very welcome.

TheBigFatMermaid · 14/08/2018 11:37

Imagine going into labour there, needing a c-section and having to do the 100 miles with a crying baby and a gaping wound. Or something needing a hospital stay 100 miles from home

You know they sew the gaping wound up, don't you? They don't just leave it gaping!

I had to travel a good distance the day after DD was born my emergency C-section. I had no choice. She was poorly and had been moved to this hospital so very far away. They absolutely would not let me travel with her (big team to come and get her and no room in the ambulance for me as well), They arranged transport the next day, so I went then. I needed to be with her, nothing would have stopped me at that point.

You know what? I survived!

SilentEm564 · 14/08/2018 12:00

OP you don't like the fact that your DH isn't keen about doing 'the family thing'. But that's who you married. He isn't BU in how he feels, regardless of whether anyone else agrees or not. Just like he can't say you're BU for wanting to spend every Christmas with your family. We want what we want.
The fair thing would be to alternate Christmases... your way one year and his another.

Lazypuppy · 14/08/2018 12:08

@Alittleshaderequired did you not read my post? I'm very comfortable around my in-laws, but 'their christmas' is not how i would want to spend my christmas, and my partner agrees.

I think that is really sad that you would want to spend christmases abroad away from your kids, but everyone is different.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2018 12:10

Mermaid
People are talking about getting stuck, needing and emergency c section and getting trapped on the roads due to traffic. It’s not likely to happen but it isn’t advisable to travel full term during a time, known for bad weather and heavy traffic.

Neverender · 14/08/2018 12:12

I would - DD was 6 days late and I felt fine. There are hospitals everywhere.

Bluelady · 14/08/2018 12:15

I'd go but I've always been a bit reckless. Mine wouldn't even consider saying he didn't want to go, he believes in "happy wife, happy life".

Pinkvoid · 14/08/2018 12:17

Subsequent babies can come very quickly. It wasn’t the case for me but I know it happens to many people, especially when it’s your third or beyond that.

I just wouldn’t risk it, no. If it were half the distance then maybe but that is a LONG way from home if you go into labour. Packing a bag and having everything ready is fine but you would likely end up rushing to a hospital nearer than the actual one you’re set to give birth in. I also wouldn’t want to have such a long journey whilst overdue, you’ll be stopping at every service station to pee!

I’m with your DH I’m afraid. Your DC will miss one year, it won’t harm them.

TheLionRoars1110 · 14/08/2018 12:26

I wouldn't simply because if you go into labour there and something goes wrong you may be stuck there for quite some time.
The whole thing just seems a lot of hard work for not a huge amount of gain and i can totally see why your DH can't be bothered.
you could do a 'pretend' Christmas get together in the new year. We did that one year when everyone got ill and couldn't get to the ILs. It was better than normal Christmas!

Ta1kinpeace · 14/08/2018 12:28

With DC2 I was designated driver at a family event two hours away
DH was allowed to drink, DC1 was a toddler
and I was 9 days overdue Grin

the venue nearly had kittens but nobody in the family batted an eyelid
DC2 turned up five days later

I was still at the gym at 11 days overdue

If you've had two late ones, the third one probably will be too
have a FAB Christmas

Bluelady · 14/08/2018 12:29

It's lot more hard work to stay at home and have to shop, cook and wash up

Alittleshaderequired · 14/08/2018 13:10

@Lazypuppy, why is it sad? They will all be adults. I’ll be in my 60s. I’ll have devoted 30+ years to parenting by that point, and very hands on parenting at that. Very intense parenting as no other family so no GPs to visit, no aunts, uncles or cousins to see at Christmas, Easter etc. Just us; always. We will be more than happy to pay for the DCs to join us but I think by the time I’m in my 60s I’ll have earned a Christmas by the beach. It doesn’t mean I love my DCs less than anyone who hosts 15 family members for 3 days over Christmas.

Alittleshaderequired · 14/08/2018 13:16

But I guess if your Nan is still alive then you’ve all had kids reasonably young (20s) and all live reasonably close to each other and that you were brought up in a large extended family situation and are now doing the same for your children. I think parenting must be a very different experience if you’re part of that sort of network rather than it just be the 2 of you with the kids and no help/support/meet ups ever.