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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving 102 miles to a destination one day over due.

160 replies

WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 08:46

And then of course 102 miles hole again.

I'm pregnant and due on Christmas Eve. My Dad is having Christmas at his with my brothers and all their kids and they make it into a huge magical deal that the kids love and the adults have a great time at.

I'm bound to go over due and I want to go.

DH says no. Not because he's worried about the baby coming, but because he wants to use the baby's due date as an excuse to stay home and not see family this year (if we never saw family he would be happy, his own included) or travel anywhere.

I say that being stuck in with two kids arguing over Christmas will be hell, and the kids will be missing out on an amazing day.

Logistically I would pack a bag, and if I went into labour that day then we would have childcare on tap.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2018 09:20

Well with my history of very overdue needing to be induced babies I was a few days overdue when I went with my DC and a friend to meet up with another friend for the day 125 miles away!!!

I packed my tens machine and notes! We all figured if something happened we'd manage but I was confident it would be fine. DC4 was induced when I was 42 weeks.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:21

Jassy it won't be a day. In all, it's two weeks.
And DS1 will be 12, he doesn't have toys, he has scooter parts.
And they wouldn't have millions of toys anyway, they will have one each from DH and I and a stocking.

I don't know what you give your kids on Christmas Day but we can't afford a million presents that last all day long.

Had it been a family get together, that's exactly how it would have been though.

OP posts:
Anyonewhoknows · 14/08/2018 09:23

I am with you op. If I was feeling well I would do it.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:24

Can the older DC go whilst you and DH have a quiet Xmas together at home?

How?! My eldest is 12 and can't drive yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:25

For those of you asking, Christmas is usually a day at his parents and a day at mine.

However this year his parents are going away. In my mind, I'm thinking great, just one trip!
But in his mind (as you guys have mentioned) it's even more of an excuse to do no trips. So yes, in that sense I guess he should get the Christmas he wants.
at the detriment to the children

OP posts:
Gazelda · 14/08/2018 09:26

What do you generally do at Christmas? Do you take turns in visiting each side of the family? Do you generally stay over somewhere?
How long does DH generally get off work at Christmas?
I'm veering towards his side, and no, I wouldn't take a newborn on such a long journey.
Get an M&S ready meal for dinner, lots of choices, movies and snuggly PJs. You might well have a tiny newborn to gaze at, which will surely make the day even more magical?

JacquesHammer · 14/08/2018 09:28

Meh I’d do it. I’d take my notes and hospital bag and provide no indications labour was imminent I’d happily do the journey

Hillarious · 14/08/2018 09:28

The fact that the DH might prefer a quiet Christmas is irrelevant and confuses the issue. On this matter alone, I would say he can have peace and quiet any time in the rest of the year, but why should the rest of the family miss out on a family get together on one special day?

But on the issue of the impending birth, the fact that a baby is due shouldn't be an excuse to stay at home on Christmas Day this year, but could be a very good reason to stay at home.

I did a 240 mile round trip with DH and DC1 to my home town for a reunion two days after my due date with DC2. I took my hospital bag and notes and we made it safely back home by 9.00 pm on the Sunday evening. DC2 was born at 10.00 am the following morning and I must admit to being just a little freaked out by that.

oldbirdy · 14/08/2018 09:29

An alternative would be for your dad to host Christmas at your house and have visitors come to you? I'd be pretty hurt that they have arranged something bound to exclude you; they must have known about the pregnancy for some time.

Op the best way to guarantee a boring Christmas is to decide that it is going to be so. We have loved big family Christmases and also the little ones where it's just our nuclear family, and our eldest 2 dses also fight. They don't tend to on Christmas as there is new stuff to do.

If you aren't paying for 200 miles worth of petrol maybe you could afford more than 1 present per child??

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:29

Same JacquesHammer.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/08/2018 09:29

Could another family member take the kids to your Dad’s?

JassyRadlett · 14/08/2018 09:30

I apologise, my response was rude. But I am quite surprised, being honest about it.

My kids don’t get a million presents. But we aim for a few things that allow us to do a stuff together, which is also what my parents did in the years we didn’t have massive family Christmases including when we were teens.

They took turns between the huge family palaver on my dad’s side (great fun but huge work for my mother) and the much quieter day with just us, because each of their preferences was treated as equally valid.

Why is your husband’s preference less valid?

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 09:30

We can't afford a million presents that last all day long

They don't have to spend all day opening the presents. What about playing with them? Eg lego, a raspberry pi for the eldest, a big jigsaw, a game of Risk for all of you?

SoyDora · 14/08/2018 09:31

I think, however annoying it is (and I’d be annoyed too) that YABU. Your DH doesn’t feel comfortable with it and he doesn’t want to go. You go every year. Eventually he has to get the quiet Christmas he wants, instead of sucking up the sort of Christmas he doesn’t enjoy every single year.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:32

Dad to host Christmas at my house 🤣
My dad owns an enormous house which is good because it can take our enormous families (according to my dad, we breed like rabbits Blush). And I live in a albeit large, two bedroom flat (yes, yes we are buying a bigger place before anyone leaps on that).

And no way can I be hurt for them arranging to do something that they do every single year. That would just be silly.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 14/08/2018 09:33

Just to add that I would do it, I went to a wedding 160 miles away on my due date with DC1. I just took my notes and assumed they have hospitals in other parts of the country Grin. But if he really really doesn’t want to go, and doesn’t feel comfortable with going, then I’d take that into account.

SassitudeandSparkle · 14/08/2018 09:33

YABmassivelyU!

I hope this is hormones talking and you're not going to sulk this much on the day and ruin things for your family OP. Your children's Christmas does not depend on your family, it's down to you! You can make it special for them, or you can mope around and say out loud that you wish you were somewhere else. You will all have a great time at home, you can do the same as your father would and have a fabulous day.

Either you will be overdue or will have a young baby and as has already been pointed out, it's not recommended to do such a long journey with such a young baby. Start your own traditions and have a wonderful Christmas [santa] It's not about money.

Nothisispatrick · 14/08/2018 09:34

I also find it very odd that you’re convinced a Christmas at home with your partner and children would be so boring. Why?

If you have the energy to make such a long trip at full term then you’ll have the energy to put some effort in to making Christmas a nice day for your children.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:34

But it won't be a quiet Christmas 😭😭😭

The kids are off for 2 weeks over Christmas.
Christmas Day will not be quiet, it will be stressful. I will be over due, I won't want to cook a roast, DH is a shit cook (although I'm
sure he'll try) and the kids will open their presents at 6am and be bored from 10am
onwards.
Believe me we have done Christmas days like this, when my dad has his gatherings in Boxing Day.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:34

I'm sulking am I? 😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂

Hokaaay.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 14/08/2018 09:35

I do love the board game suggestion.

I will definitely be taking that up.
What's raspberry pi?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 14/08/2018 09:36

Think of it this way. This year your dh gets to decide how ye spend Christmas. Really mention that a few times in a nice way. Then next year it will be your turn. Off to your Dad for a week!

Guienne · 14/08/2018 09:36

they make it into a huge magical deal that the kids love and the adults have a great time at.

Clearly not all the adults have a great time - your husband doesn't, and I wouldn't mind betting he's not the only one. If you've always gone to your parents for Christmas, it really is time your husband had the sort of Christmas he wants.

I don't know what you give your kids on Christmas Day but we can't afford a million presents that last all day long.

Children really don't need a million presents to keep them amused for one day.

We've always had Christmas Day on our own and visited relatives at other times. Our Christmases at home have always been lovely. I can't imagine anything worse than spending large chunks of Christmas Day on the roads.

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 09:37

Learning to code

thecatsabsentcojones · 14/08/2018 09:37

Can your dad cone to you instead?

I'm with the poster who said should you need an emergency C section that one hundred miles back would be the most savage journey you've ever taken. I had four miles to go and it hurt like hell. You realise how many potholes there are, put it like that.

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