Advice needed please - child arrangement order

[Standinguptononsense]

Not really an Aibu as such but posted for traffic.

My ex husband and I have been separated for over 3 years. We have a court order in place for the children as of Oct 2016.

He is not taking me back to court because I won't agree to a spreadsheet dictating when each of us takes the children to the dentist, Dr's, hairdressers, get there feet measured and when they speak to the other parent when they are not with them! Despite me saying we can have a conversation about it, because I won't go to mediation (because a, there's no point and b I can't afford it). I've very recently remarried so I. Wonder if this has sparked his narcissist traits off again and he's trying to control every last thing.

Does anyone have an experience of this?

Thanks in advance

Xxx

It's a child arrangement order that sets out when they live with me and when the live with EXH. It's doesn't say custody or joint.

Wonder if he'll add 'Toe nail cutting schedule' into the mix for his next display of fucktardary.
Or ear cleaning?

I do wonder.... 😂😂

So you're argument is this:

As a parent you have taken the children to all appointments necessary and the children are not neglected in this manner by you. Might be an idea to see if you can get a record over the past year of dentist appts etc.

Since you have been apart he has done x number of these appointments (I'm guessing 0) and has asked to do it x number of times.

It is not in the child's best interests to have this strict schedule as if an emergency dental appt is required it would not be good for them to have to wait for the correct parent to take them. Whoever has the child at that time is the best parent to take them. By sharing the responsibility without a schedule you can both ensure that the children get the best healthcare.

Out of interest has he ever taken them to have their feet measured and therefore bought them shoes?!

Yes that sounds reasonable. Once, last week.

It's a child arrangement order that sets out when they live with me and when the live with EXH. It's doesn't say custody or joint.

Ah I have sole custody so I have charge of all appts etc.

But as the boys primary carer?

Oh what a surprise he does it when he wants something from the courts 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's hard to believe there's more than one of these idiots but obviously there is.

If that's a legal term then it's up to you I would imagine. I would think primary carer means that parent is responsible for health care etc. But I don't know.

It all ties in with the questions from the. Cms as well as he claimed to be the primary carer for one DS despite having both at the same time. Needless to say they rejected his proposal.

My ex actually got told off in court once. I found it quite amusing 😂. As long as you can show that you are prepared to be reasonable you really don't have anything to worry about.

Tbh in our child orders it was more me trying to micromanage because he'd been abusive to me and the kids and I didn't want to give him an inch. My barrister (legal aid was still around then) wouldn't let me ask for nit picky stuff like he's asking for. So I doubt his barrister will. Have you had a letter from his solicitor yet?

Nothing from anyone. X

Although he's friends on. Fb with his previous solicitor....

I wouldn't sweat it too much yet then. Wait until you either hear from his solicitor or get the court application.

In the meantime ignore him. Pratt!

Yeah that's the plan. I'm just baffled by it to be honest lol

They are truly baffling aren't they?! The stuff they come up with.

It's Hilarious. It's was feet measuring that tipped it for me 😂😂

I feel for you OP. Hope it gets sorted, he's a bully

Thank you. It's appreciated. He really is. Comes from a family of them. X

My ex insists on buying the kids clothes (when he can be bothered and he's showing off) that are the age they are. However my kids are all giants and clothes their age are too tiny. He bought ds an expensive item of clothing in April that usually gets bought yearly and it barely fit. I said it was too small and to buy a larger size so he bought smaller still. 4 months later and he's made a hole in it where he's grown out of it. It's all part of the control thing. And doing the exact opposite of what I request. Dd is 11 and has size 9 feet. Darent let him buy shoes for her because he'll probably refuse to accept her feet are that big and buy size 7 instead.

My ex is the opposite.... Sends them in. Clothes too small!!!

Make sure you tell the children to get their feet to only grow according to the schedule mine only get measured about twice a year but they grow very slowly. DD2 was a 13 last summer and is now a 13.5. Their dad never buys school shoes and what shoes he does get are rarely in the right size. Same with clothes. I have to throw away a lot of the clothes from his due to holes or stains. Knickers shared between 4 girls?? Revolting.

OMG my two share pants at his! Clothes are too small, if I dare to suggest they are too small he says they fit. My youngest is 5/6 and he came wearing size 2/3 shorts! I buy school shoes as that's covered in maintenance yet his spreadsheet shows he is responsible in Aug for shoe measurements so not sure how that's going to work.

I'd photograph the too small clothes. It's all evidence.

I have xxx