Advice needed please - child arrangement order

[Standinguptononsense]

Not really an Aibu as such but posted for traffic.

My ex husband and I have been separated for over 3 years. We have a court order in place for the children as of Oct 2016.

He is not taking me back to court because I won't agree to a spreadsheet dictating when each of us takes the children to the dentist, Dr's, hairdressers, get there feet measured and when they speak to the other parent when they are not with them! Despite me saying we can have a conversation about it, because I won't go to mediation (because a, there's no point and b I can't afford it). I've very recently remarried so I. Wonder if this has sparked his narcissist traits off again and he's trying to control every last thing.

Does anyone have an experience of this?

Thanks in advance

Xxx

Btw unless you're breaking a previous court order then they will laugh him out of court. They're used to these idiots. In fact there's an application to go to court and if he puts 'she won't agree to a rigid spreadsheet' i doubt it will go much further. Court knows that these things can't be set in stone.

Yanbu. He is trying to exert control. I completely get why you wouldn't want to go to mediation with an abusive person, the thought of having to do that with my abusive ex makes me feel slightly sick even though it's been 8 years since I finally left him. I completely get why you'd rather email. That said could you email him and say if he thinks mediation is necessary then if he's happy to pay you're happy to do it and keep the email in case he does ever try and use it against you.

Summer is struggling a bit - everything seems very clear. The conversation is via email ( I say I chat to my sister daily, what I mean is I email and WhatsApp, no one over a number of years has ever found this challenging terminology), the person who is not a manipulative bully is the non manipulative bully.

There's is nothing in a previous court order (issued only 2 years ago) regarding these things.

The children are registered at my Dr's and dentist from birth as it made sense then and still. Does. He goes to different practices for both.

I feel better now you all agree about mediation.

My ex could start an argument in an empty lift about whether it was going up, or. Down. Lol

@Standinguptononsense of course there isn't because the courts recognise that it is impossible to regulate these things. They will probably tell you to sort it out between you. After my x took us back to court for the nth time they told us they didn't want to see us again and sort it out between us. Which is hard when one is a controlling narcissistic idiot. Courts have bigger things to deal with than dictating when a child should get its feet measured. I wouldn't worry too much. He's going to come out looking like an idiot.

If you can face it look at a parenting plan - I believe there's one on the cafcass website. And see if you can suggest a sensible compromise. It will just look better that you have tried to be reasonable but he refused.

My x also doesn't come to school functions etc. Brick wall + head.

We did have telephone contact included in our original court order. Children were 5, 3 and 1 at the time. Would never occur to him 7 years later that he could call them whenever he likes. Also he forgets that these arrangements were made when the littlelest was a baby and is now 7 and that things change, there are now things like piano lessons and after school stuff etc.

Primary carer generally does all appointments. I make sure they get shoes etc but occasionally he does buy them really expensive trainers. Wouldn't harm them to get their feet measured twice.

That's a good. Idea re the parenting plan. They were pissed with us last time, I'm. A. Sahm and he was trying to. Take my youngest (who was nearly 3) off me and put him in nursery.

Nah mine doesn't do school stuff either.

@imnotreally I agree. But do we really need to take it to court on a spreadsheet!!!

No! And court won't appreciate it either.

Not that that's your fault. That's his.

Exactly. His behavior is baffling. Problem is his parents are the same so no one is telling him to stop being a dick. They encourage it.

Sounds so familiar!!! My xpil are so enabling that 7 years after I kicked him out he's still living with them and his dad provides his job. He's 40. He has no intention of getting his own place and has one child at a time every other weekend.

OMG that's horrendous. At least your rid of him. Well done for being strong xxxx

For the hard of understanding, when a normal person goes to mediation with an abusive, manipulative person and meets half way, that it usually a shit outcome for all concerned except the abuser.

*that IS usually

Spot on @bastardkitty thats what happened last time. And we ended up in court anyway.

@bastardkitty give him an inch he takes a mile. I usually offer something so I can say I did but it's not something that I can't take back. Or if he does take a mile he then loses all progress he'd made. Not easy tho. Mines a complete idiot and can sometimes be manipulated if need be and is often left without a leg to stand on. But yeah. I agree with you totally.

It's just so exhausting. My health deteriorated when I was with him and during the year I had to. Endure living with him post separation. I suffered panic attacks. :(

This was his reply to my email....

I am not aware of any reason why my proposal would not be agreed by the family court.

Are you aware of circumstances that would prevent the family court from agreeing with my proposed schedule?

* Please note * The other topics I shall deal with within a separate email, as I would like this resolving promptly between us as parents and not a court.

Wow, is your ex my ex? Pompous twat.

IGNORE

Oh yes. Ignore that kind of drivel all day long. He just wants attention.

Lol yeah I'm not responding. He won't back down so I guess court it is.

Top tip... Create a special folder in your inbox marked IDIOT. Create a special rule for the special man, so all mail goes there. You can choose to read it or not when you want to then, not when he stamps his feet.

That is bloody brilliant thank you!!

@MrsBertBibby what are your thoughts if you don't mind please xxx