Advice needed please - child arrangement order

[Standinguptononsense]

Not really an Aibu as such but posted for traffic.

My ex husband and I have been separated for over 3 years. We have a court order in place for the children as of Oct 2016.

He is not taking me back to court because I won't agree to a spreadsheet dictating when each of us takes the children to the dentist, Dr's, hairdressers, get there feet measured and when they speak to the other parent when they are not with them! Despite me saying we can have a conversation about it, because I won't go to mediation (because a, there's no point and b I can't afford it). I've very recently remarried so I. Wonder if this has sparked his narcissist traits off again and he's trying to control every last thing.

Does anyone have an experience of this?

Thanks in advance

Xxx

Sounds just like my ex 😂😂 know what you mean about it making you ill. I've got ME and it always worsens when I've had to sort things out with him.

I'd say something along the lines of the family court has more important things to deal with than dictating schedules and that this should be something that can be resolved without resorting to court. I am happy to let you know when the kids needs dentist appointments etc but it is impossible to set a schedule as their needs are constantly changing.

Out of interest what's his financial situation? Because it costs to go to court unless you're on a low income.

Just noticed from your op that you offered to have a conversation about it and he refused. That's not going to go down well.

Yeah I've tried all sorts. But basically if he's not what he wants it upa the anti. I'll represent myself in court. He'll have a barrister. I've got emails showing that I've taking them and keeping him in the loop. I've also got messages Where's he's told me that an incident withy child and another is irrelevant and he refused to give me any info. So I spoke with the school.

I have previously made statements to the police regarding his emotional abuse as well. He's been spoken to by them.

If he wants to waste his money let him. Quite surprised a barrister would let him take it that far tho tbh. Solicitor might talk him out of it.

So he's picking and choosing what he wants the court to deal with. Because he knows they'll tell him to stop wasting court time
No cure for stupid!

He's been trying to convince the cms he isy eldests primary carer. Another way to reduce maintenance. He can't afford court unless his parents are paying. He wouldn't pay £6 for the kids to do an after school activitiy on his day and told me they would miss out of I didn't pay...

What a charmer!

I know lol

Hi op. I'm confused as to what he applying for?
I'm guessing the initial application was for a child arrangements order to specify contact etc and that is what is in place.

One can apply to vary the order or for a prohibited steps order. Using a spreadsheet isn't a part of either of those so I second ignoring him.

There isn't an order that covers insisting on using f a spreadsheet.

Judges can dismiss applications to vary an order altogether on paper.

Also I'm assuming the contact arrangements in the original order are upheld.

I think the court will be confused too and not pander to him. My stbexh knows that the courts won't accept his application for what he actually wants so he always throws in an accusation of child abuse to ensure he gets a hearing

We have an order that shows time spent with each parent, then we had to add in mothers day, fathers day, birthdays and holidays into the same order. That all it covers. He assume he wants a specific order in relation to scheduled Dr's and dentist appointment, haircuts, getting feet measured and calls to the other parent.

The spreadsheet shows who will be responsible for each month. I get January to June. He gets July to. December.

summerFruitPudding

What exact is your problem summer? It's perfectly clear what the OP is saying.

OP let him take you to court, I don't think he'd get very far.

Anything different to the current order CAO is a variation. The court will need to know why the variation is needed. He could apply for a specific issue order in relation to the spreadsheet but he is going to look stupid. As long as you agree to give him adequate notice of where you are going and when ( so he get time off work to go as well, for example) he hasn’t got a leg to stand on. The court will have to list the case if he makes an application, I’m pretty sure that it can’t be dismissed on paper. The only time that the court ‘filters’ applications is when there is a Section 91 (14) Order in place. This means that a party has to apply for permission to make an application, a judge then decides whether or not an application can be heard.

He's said he has requested the c100 form from the mediator so is that a variation? Can he ask to. Change the original order?

Also, will I need to attend court or can it done on. Submissions. Who pays court costs?

He pays all the costs as it's his application. The mediator gives him the form that says he's attended a Miam meeting and mediation is not appropriate. Then he fills out the c100 form for submission to court. You don't need to do anything until you get something from court in the post. Yes you'll need to attend a first directions hearing where the judge will listen to both of you and find out what you both want then might schedule a hearing to resolve the issues. Carcass always get in touch and do an assessment.
He can apply to very but courts refuse to micro manage and this is what he wants them to do. I can't see him getting as far as a hearing unless he embellishes the truth.

Not sure what he can say to do that as I have proof of keeping him fully aware and up to date.

My advice is to refuse to be drawn into any communication about this now. He's trying to rile you so don't give him the satisfaction. If he applies to court then you'll get a copy of the application and s hearing letter. IF. He hasn't got a leg to stand on and a solicitor would tell him that.

If it gets as far as court one of the things to point out is what happens if one of you is unable to do it in your prescribed times?

Because what will actually happen is that he won't take them for their appointments when he's supposed to and then you will end up doing it and then he will take you back to court for breaking the arrangement.

Micro management was the phrase I was looking for earlier thank you. It's a ridiculous arrangement and I can't believe his solicitors will let it get that far.

Thank you. I have no intention to respond to him, thank you for you help and support. X

Actually that's a really good point. Last year the school phones me to collect me eldest as he was poorly but was on "his" day until 3pm. He was concerned I broke the order and I collected DS rather than his dad even though I was due to get DS At 315...

So with miam do you think it's worth me going to tick that box? Or can I fill in. The c1a form?

Do you have custody or is it joint?