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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think holidays/travel are ruled out to me?

177 replies

palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 13:04

Please do not think this is an adverse inference on anyone who does holiday alone but it is not for me.

At the same time an organised group is my idea of hell.

So - going away seems out? Which is a shame.

OP posts:
ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 13/08/2018 20:49

Roaming charges within the eu have been stopped, so just sort it out with your provider before you leave. Anywhere she, yes, buy a sim card. I usually do it on arrival at the airport because they are used to travellers and often set it up for you, making it easy.

ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 13/08/2018 20:53

Although you'll need to keep an eye on roaming charges post-brexit

MarthaArthur · 13/08/2018 20:58

Good point re roaming charges i will look at that.

MynameisMaximus · 13/08/2018 21:03

I think the OP is posting more about a sense of loneliness and disappointment than the logistics of holidaying alone. Although some great ideas suggested for solo travel.

I am considering a holiday alone this year as pretty much all of my friends and family have their own partners and children. I've recently broken up with my partner (no DC) and feel in desperate need of a break but feel sad at the prospect of going alone. Daytimes would be ok, it's the evenings I think I'd struggle with. As the OP said, too much aloneness. It's hard.

Spudlet · 13/08/2018 21:15

I used to go camping alone with my dog. We'd pitch up then go walking for a couple of days. I took books for the evening and it was honestly lovely.

A hotel by yourself is a bit intimidating but camping or self-catering is different, you are in control and have a little bolt hole should you wish.

Start with a long weekend, perhaps an Air bnb somewhere in the U.K. so you can easily bail if you hate it. Then work up to going further afield for longer.

PeridotCricket · 13/08/2018 21:29

A good tip I read was to find a good local cafe and go there all,the time so they get to know your order.

buttermilkwaffles · 13/08/2018 21:30

@MynameisMaximus Yes, it is hard at times and easy to be envious and feel a bit left out when you see couples/families/groups of friends all sitting together and chatting, drinking, eating. Especially in the evenings as you say. But the way I look at it is that the alternative would just be being at home and I would much rather have a holiday solo than no holiday at all.

At least on holiday even though on my own it's a new and unfamiliar place to explore which is interesting and exciting to me and I can just enjoy that aspect of it and just being somewhere different.

Also as others have said, if you stay in an airbnb or similar at least you have your little nest to go back to in the evening, which is more homely than a soulless hotel room and also means you don't have to go out to eat at night if you don't want to.

Otherwise try to focus on the positives rather than dwell on the negatives - you can get up whenever you want, go to bed whenever you want, eat when and where you want, do whatever you want, no arguments or lengthy discussions about what partner/friends or children want to do.

But if you really hate the idea of holidaying solo, then perhaps look into activity group holidays, be it hiking, cooking, learning a language or whatever floats your boat.

MynameisMaximus · 13/08/2018 21:44

Thanks @buttermilkwaffles - it's the emotions of being on holiday alone rather than the actual holiday if you see what I mean. As you say, seeing others with loved ones. I'm generally happy in my own company and am 'good' at living/being alone. Just the holiday thing brings things into sharp focus, I suppose. Group activities definitely not my thing although I know some people get a lot out of them.

Having said all this, my last holiday with my partner was a pretty lonely affair so perhaps actually going alone this time wouldn't be so bad!

ForalltheSaints · 13/08/2018 21:51

I agree with the OP about organised holidays. All the same I feel a sense of sadness that the OP has not relatives to visit, or a particular interest that would be a reason to go. I have holidayed alone, though acknowledging it is a lot easier for a man (not that it should be, just seems to be a sad reflection of the society we are in).

Self catering sounds a good option and the suggestion about main meal at lunchtime good as well.

buttermilkwaffles · 13/08/2018 22:01

"I'm generally happy in my own company and am 'good' at living/being alone. Just the holiday thing brings things into sharp focus, I suppose."

Yes, very true it does and it can bring you down, not sure what the answer is but I found it did help to focus on the positives/freedom to do your own thing aspect and that also being in a new and unfamiliar place was a distraction in that I had to constantly think about things that I would take for granted at home, like planning how I was going to get somewhere the next day, where I was going to buy groceries from, or just became interested in something I saw while walking around and that helped...

Also, accept that you may have one or two shit days (or parts of days) when the negative aspects/loneliness gets you down, but overall you will probably have more good days than bad ones and when you get back you will be glad you went...

Montybabe · 13/08/2018 22:23

How about a cycling holiday? An easy one not professional! I did a cycle from Germany to Vienna along the Danube. Very gentle through beautiful villages - the tour company took your luggage to the next hotel.

DickensianHysteric · 13/08/2018 22:31

I have been on lots of solo holidays in the past, all over the place from Amsterdam to Australia. But over the last couple of years I have lost my confidence a bit when it comes to travelling alone, and have been put off group trips because I'm not very sociable. This thread has inspired me to look into options as it's a big world out there and there's still loads I want to see and do. So thanks everyone. Flowers
OP, I hope you find a way to go on holiday. I do understand where you're coming from, yes there will be low and lonely moments wherever you are but there will also be amazing wow moments where you can't believe you are there!

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2018 05:05

What type of holiday would you like to go on?

You’ve stated you don’t want to go on a group organised holiday, tbh that rules out so very much

I’ve done city breaks with friends

Are you looking for a week long beach holiday?

Activity holiday?

What would you choose if you weren’t going solo?

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2018 05:08

There are some great holidays in Croatia, Cycling and sailing, island hopping Google it and many companies come up. The Cycling isn’t many miles and you can stay on the boat if you choose, swimming in the sea and bbqs

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2018 05:11

Tbh I think YHA is better than hotel because you can book your own room or a dormitory, go and do your own thing but in the evening everyone is around cooking and eating in the kitchen. So company if you choose

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2018 05:13

The last time I went hosteling everyone in the evening cooked dinner and then we all went across to the pub together for a drink and chat

Urbanbeetler · 14/08/2018 05:44

I have travelled on my own in India several time and found the ywca hostels clean, safe and reasonable.

But I don’t think this thread is really about holidays, it’s about the op feeling like she is a horrible person because she has no obvious person to holiday with. And that is making her defeatist and sad.

I hope you find the strength to become holiday active in a positive way. Being alone during holidays doesn’t mean you’re horrible.

keyboardkate · 14/08/2018 17:59

I don't think OP is looking for travel advice at all. I think it goes deeper than that, but I hope she is OK anyway.

For those looking for suggestions, try the Camino de Santiago. It is not religious, but it can be if you wish. Go alone, you will not be alone for long, but you can hang back or go forward if you want a bit of solitude, then do the opposite if you want company.

It is hard work, but you only have to do as much of the trek as you can easily fit in. Some do it all at once, some do it bit by bit as time allows. Some stay in Albergues for half nothing, some mix it up with private rooms/basic hotels. It is up to you.

Just throwing it out.

Vitalogy · 14/08/2018 18:39

I'm interesting in doing that walk @keyboardkate. Did you plan it all out before you went or just a go with the flow type thing? How many miles did you do? All walking?

legolimb · 14/08/2018 18:58

I was interested in going on one of these courses. No time to feel lonely wjen you're working out.

www.fitfarms.co.uk/iem/display.php?M=308421&C=248eef7c9eac8d0cb204123922e080e1&S=168&L=40&N=85

SofieMonde · 14/08/2018 21:43

Hostels are the way to go, you will always find someone to chat to or go explore with or you can just be alone. Book a cheap ryan air flight and get adventuring, you are missing out. I recommend Venice, lived near it for years. Easy to get around and endless things going on and to explore. There is a chep hostel on giudecca and go to the hilton roof top bar for a free view or have a hot choc and enjoy

keyboardkate · 14/08/2018 21:58

@Vitalogy.

Have a look at this website. Suspend animation, and if you sign up (or look at previous posts) you will see that all human life is there. And you can post your question/fears etc.

www.caminodesantiago.me/community/forums/camino-frances.12/

You can do it whatever way you like.

Vitalogy · 14/08/2018 22:03

Thank you @keyboardkate

ivykaty44 · 15/08/2018 07:46

I live hostels, as you meet such a variety of people and it’s the kitchen and dinning room where everyone congregates. Have stayed more recently in westwoodho and exford

ShatnersWig · 15/08/2018 08:18

I totally get where the OP is coming from. I have no relatives (bar my parents) and no friends that live anywhere exciting or abroad. The idea of a week with people I don't know really doesn't appeal at all as I'm the sort of person who takes a while to get to know people and all my friends are coupled and in many cases with small children. I also loathe flying (friend killed in a plane crash when I was younger) and while I will fly I need the reassurance of a friend to steady my nerves and keep my mind occupied while hanging around airports for hours and wondering if the plane is late because there is something wrong with it.

I don't mind the occasional weekend away on my own around the UK but I'm 44 and have pretty much exhausted everywhere I can sensibly go for two nights and when you've been single for years and spend a lot of time on your own anyway, going somewhere nice and not having someone to share it with really doesn't appeal.

Added to which, you often have the dreaded single supplement and even some of those Solos type trips are far more expensive than what each half of a couple pays.

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