AIBU to think holidays/travel are ruled out to me?

[palmtreeparrot]

Please do not think this is an adverse inference on anyone who does holiday alone but it is not for me.

At the same time an organised group is my idea of hell.

So - going away seems out? Which is a shame.

I only ever had one holiday alone. I went to Barbados and learned to scuba dive. So I had company through the day (my teacher) but was alone in the evenings. Bliss for me but I love restaurants alone. I never got to go on holiday alone again. Two friends, one also single and the other one with small children having realised that I went alone "invited" themselves along on every future one and my husband now would not be keen on the idea of me holidaying alone (just because we both love travelling and opportunities are limited). So I remember that holiday and just how it was possible to be hugely self-indulgent extremely fondly.

I've also done a learn to ski holidays in a single travellor group (guaranteed own room) and a gentle bootcamp where all of the activities and the evening meals etc are optional. All very enjoyable in different ways.

YABU. Nothing is "ruled out to you". You are ruling it out. And engaging quite oddly with the thread that you started - not really engaging at all TBH just saying "no".

Do you restrict yourself like this in many aspects of your life?

But they aren't ruled out at all - you just don't want to, which is different.

I loved travelling alone - from visits to retreats to just taking a week off, getting on a plane and having an adventure (with a Lonely Planet guide book for some advice on where to stay/what to do not sure if they even exist anymore?). I always met people, some of whom I'm still friends with 20 years later - or when I wanted to not meet people I'd take some good books and relax and sunbathe and swim, or visit interesting places or galleries or sit in cafes and people watch, get loads of sleep... It's bloody brilliant.

Clearly that's just my experience and opinion - but saying that you can't is wrong, you are just saying that you won't (because you don't want to) - which is sad really as you are missing out, but it is entirely your choice to do so.

You are in control of your life, if you want things to change you need to change them. Sorry if this “tough love” hurts, but you sound as though you need to hear it. I was in a similar spot a while ago and I needed someone to give me a “come to Jesus” talk to galvanize me. Use the advice here and do something with it.

Holidaying alone - I would hate eating in a restaurant alone. Sitting on a beach for hours alone. Travelling around alone. It’s just too much alone. The things described above are just my life anyway.

Maybe you'd benefit from learning to do some of these things on your own in your home town as a first step- eating in a restaurant, going to the cinema or theatre etc on your own. It's strange at first, but it is veryHolidaying alone - I would hate eating in a restaurant alone. Sitting on a beach for hours alone. Travelling around alone. It’s just too much alone. The things described above are just my life anyway.ossible to g get used to it more, and it makes for a much more enjoyable life-at home or away.
The trick is, I think, to not worry about what other people think, and don't feel self conscious about it.
It's useful to have an ipad with you to amuse yourself or check out the new area that you're in or keep up with mumsnet!

When my 3 DC were young I would have loved to have a friend come on holiday with us. Extra pair of hands, and an extra adult ma kes the evening feel more grown up.
Is that something you could offer to a friend?

The last time I had a holiday was with my parents as a child

So how can you possibly know that all these things you're rejecting wouldn't actually be perfectly enjoyable?

You don't sound horrible. Maybe a bit negative.

Has something happened recently to make holidaying alone something you've newly come to consider?

It can be daunting, the first time.

Could you ask friends if you can join their family holiday?

I get that your friends are all in families, but lots of families don't mind at all if someone else comes along imo, if a friend asked me this I would say yes in a heartbeat.

No extra for anyone else, just including you in th etrip ask - you might be welcome on lots of holidays!

You overthinking Op.

Have a look on Airbnb. Somewhere cheap to get to. Pools are good.
Ask your friends on Facebook that you have a villa somewhere with enough room for a couple or someone else. So no one need share. Or agree it in advance if you have a small/ non intrepid social circle
Go on holiday.

I’d go on a cruise like someone else has suggested. There will be loads of people and plenty of opportunity to visit places as a group. You won’t be alone. Or what about your parents or siblings. You might actually enjoy with your parents.

Yes, they are ruled out because you're so incredibly defeatist.

You assume you know that your friends wouldn't be up for a trip without actually asking them - hence closing out that as a possibility.

My friends have small children and we take trips together for four days or so. If you don't ask...you don't get.

You assume you wouldn't enjoy travelling alone. You don't want to eat in a restaurant alone. You're not willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone and give it a go.

You assume you wouldn't like travelling with a group, again, you have no intention of trying it or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at all.

Your world is very small...because you are making it that way.

They aren't ruled out by someone/something else. You have ruled them out yourself.

If you go on holiday alone, you don't just do it as you would with other people. You have to arrange the holiday differently. So, for example, if you think you'll feel lonely spending a whole week away, then go for 5 days. If you don't want to sit alone in a hotel restuarant every evening, then book a holiday apartment and spend the evenings cooking stuff with local ingredients while watching TV. If you won't want to spend all day walking round museums alone, then make sure to do other stuff; find out where there's a nice swimming pool or good cinema, go during a big local arts festival, go hiking, take some good e-books for the evening, so you can do the sort of things you'd be doing if you were at home.

What do you do at home that stops you feeling lonely?

I am the one with the young family, and I go on an annual city break for up six days with my single best friend. The first time we left my dc they were 2 and 4. So you might have friends who would consider this. We did it on a shoestring as I didn't want to use up all the family holiday money, but had a great time.

I also have visited friends abroad, who couldn't take time off work. It suited me: time to do exactly what I wanted during the day, then dinner and catch-up in the evenings.

Yes I appreciate what you’re saying but I think I would still be missing out if I went alone

You don't know that.

You are taking every suggestion people are offering and dismissing it because you think you wouldn't enjoy it.

Whether you think you can do something, or whether you think you can't do something, you'll be right.

Stop creating obstacles then putting them in your own way, just book something that you might be interested in then go and do it.
You don't know what it will be like until you try it.

You can sit there and think you won't like it so then you talk/think yourself out of so you don't bother doing it, but where's the life in that?

Stop overthinking everything, pick something, go and see what happens. It's not going to make you any more miserable than you are already and it might be great

There's a big city festival on next weekend here in Dresden, Germany. Easyjet to Berlin and there's a cheap bus company will get you down here. You could sleep on my sofa, fancy coming over? :)

I am just wondering why you started this thread, OP? Do you actually want suggestions for ways to enjoy some kind of holiday, or did you just want sympathy for missing out?

It's very easy for lots of people to suggest the first, but hard to offer the second since it seems to be self-imposed, as you haven't given any of the main options a go to see if you would like them. You also haven't mentioned any illnesses, disabilities, caring responsibilities, lack of money etc which are the reasons many people who would love to go on holiday are unable to.

I went on a fabulous walking holiday in Italy on my own...a mix of couples, groups of friends and lone travellers. Was very sociable if you wanted it to be and we went to places i wouldn't want to hike to on my own but time to spend by the pool on my own reading. Had a lovely time.

Holidays are not ruled out to you, you are ruling them out for yourself. There is a whole world out there you could go and see but you are choosing not to. You need to seize control of your life, get out there and make the most of it.

There is someone who posts every so often, in a really defeatist tone along these exact same lines.

Want to go on holiday but don’t want to go alone or in a group. Also don’t have any friends, family or DP.

Rejects all suggestions.

If it isn’t the same person then maybe these posters should do an AS and message each other and club together for a holiday??

I think you need a hug. And then you need to try something new. This is said very kindly, btw, because I have been where you are.

I loathe beach holidays and clubbing and am quite happy in my own company a lot of the time so I am definitely more of a city break type. but what about you?

Am sensing that what you really feel you're missing out on is not "holidays" but a partner. Yes, it can feel utterly shit and I used to cry my heart out over it. But I will promise you this: when you start saying "yes" to the universe, your world will open.

So: Yes, I will go away for 2 days and a night in Brighton - walk on the beach and the pier and play bumper cars against all the middle aged dads and young kids, cackling like a loon! And I will buy some candy floss and eat it looking at the sea. You are part of the landscape just like the happy families. Then I will go into town and try on hats, eat some nice food, watch the seagulls and go to the cinema in the evening on my own to see something I would never normally watch.

Please try it. Invest in yourself.

www.explore.co.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjw2MTbBRASEiwAdYIpscAmvPNtZ_uOuMfy4VKt_B8N5J7xEQV4aLAUuCElM-vtMNpQ2KrP8hoC_QEQAvD_BwE

Have a look at explore. I have been on a few on my own and they are great. small groups - mix of ages and single, friends and couples. I had a single room, tent, banda ate with various people from the group if I wanted to, on my own if I didn't. Give it a try, if you don't enjoy it then just don't do it again.

Ok, if your last holiday was with your parents as a child, but you say you can't holiday with your friends as they have small children, why couldn't you holiday with them before they had dc?

Is it more you've never been bothered enough to arrange a holiday with friends, or try holidaying alone, or tried an organised group holiday- is it more you aren't all that interested in holidays, but feel you are missing out because other people are having them now?

Is it more you want the settled couple lifestyle, not the holiday?

OP, I don't mean to be harsh but everyone has these kinds of choices.

If you had children you could easily be here saying "I will never go on holiday because I don't want to go to places where I can take children and cannot leave them alone". If you had dogs you could be saying "I will never go on holiday because I don't know anyone who can take the dogs, don't like using kennels and don't want to take them with me". If you didn't like flying you could be saying "I will never go on holiday because I don't have time for ship or train and want to go abroad". Life is all about compromise and priority. Either travel is more important than hating to go alone/in a group or your hatred of travelling alone/in a group is more important than your desire to see somewhere new. Only you can answer that.

fwiw I used to live alone and a couple of my most enjoyable holidays were New York and Singapore where I ate alone, saw the sights alone, went to the theatre alone. When I booked New York I thought I would hate it because it was just a bit more being alone in a new city. I surprised myself and bloody loved it.

I am single and holiday alone - there are as people have said negative and positive aspects to it. But the alternative is to spend that week/fortnight not going on holiday and just being at home, which is surely not as appealing?

Yes, going alone means nobody to share the experience with or to talk to about what you have seen and done, but it still means you get the stimulation/ interest of a new place, different things to see and do and basically a break from routine. If the choice was go alone or not go at all I would always choose to go alone.

You can negate some of the negative aspects (like dining alone) by self-catering (eg Airbnb) and I also do the lunch at a nice restaurant and dinner in the accommodation thing. Eating alone at lunch seems much more socially acceptable and is cheaper too.

Yes, going for a drink in the evening is more difficult/awkward on your won, but on the other hand you are abroad in a place where nobody knows you, so who cares what other people think. :) Or just buy a nice bottle of wine and enjoy that in your accommodation, then do the sitting on the terrace having a meal/drink and people watching thing during the day.

If you crave some company then join an activity like a city walking tour or guided tour of an attraction. AIrbnb also has activities now, so you can go on a hike, go sailing, do a wine tasting etc without having to go on a group holiday.

I think the key is to approach it with the right attitude - focus on the positive things about a solo holiday like being able to do exactly what you want, when you want, without having to worry about what another person/people want to do or don't want to do. And reduce some of the negative aspects of it by using the tips I and others have given you here.

If you live in a big city there may also be a Meetup.com group for holidays/city breaks - that way you get to go with other people but as it's not an organised tour from a tour company you are pretty much free to do what you want while you are there or people suggest what they want to do and ask who wants to join them and you can do the same.

How old are you? Rude question I know.

But I've traveled in my 20s to 40s alone and with other people. I tend to stay in shitty hostels and guesthouses and there never fails to be a little lost duck (often a young person in their 20s) to adopt. They went alone and now they are a bit lonely. I always adopt them. Company for me and I'm a talker.

This does not happen in nicer hotels. So you have to stay in Lonely Planet/Rough Guide type places. If I tried it in the hotels I stay in alone for work, people would assume I was picking them up!