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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think holidays/travel are ruled out to me?

177 replies

palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 13:04

Please do not think this is an adverse inference on anyone who does holiday alone but it is not for me.

At the same time an organised group is my idea of hell.

So - going away seems out? Which is a shame.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 13/08/2018 13:47

Then I guess it's not for you if you won't entertain any options. Personally, holidaying alone is my idea of bliss. I've been on a couple of coach tours alone and loved them.

PlainVanilla · 13/08/2018 13:47

I have just arranged a holiday "alone" for the nth time. As others have said, being alone gives you the options to select how much you join in with. The holiday I have arranged involves some 1 to 1 activity during the mornings (mostly fairly passive on my part) and the freedom to read, sunbathe, go on trips, swim etc. in the afternoons.
I quite often arrange my own sightseeing at this particular destination, too.
As I have been a widow for over a decade I am quite used to doing things on my own, including eating in restaurants. I take a book or use the Kindle app on my iPad, or people watch. If you are not bothered, you will find nobody else is either.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/08/2018 13:47

Maybe you should practice with day trips. Even if you hate it you haven't wasted much money.

thenightsky · 13/08/2018 13:48

Posted too soon... I meant to say that I would love to holiday abroad, but the single supplements put me off.

Missillusioned · 13/08/2018 13:50

Yes, to be fair I once went on a learn to sail holiday where the group had lessons in the day, then met up in the evening for meals, but this wasn't compulsory and not everyone met up every night.

I was with my then husband, but there were a number of singles there and I would have been happy in their situation. Plenty of company if they wanted, but solitude available if they didn't.

melj1213 · 13/08/2018 13:51

I think YABU as there is no reason you cant travel you just dont want to do it alone. You are a single person so you either need to try holidaying alone, find someone to travel with or not go. You have ruled out the first two so you have decided you can't go away, but have you even tried going away by yourself for a few days?

I always thought I would hate travelling alone but once I started I found that I loved it! I could do what I want, when I want and didn't have to coordinate with anyone else. If I want to spend all day in bed in a hotel room ordering everything from the room service menu, then I can and nobody can tell me I'm wasting my holiday.

I am a single parent but I share custody of DD 50/50 with her dad and during the summer she spends 3 weeks with him and 3 with me.

When DD is with her dad I love travelling alone - but I only do things I enjoy so I would never go on a lone beach holiday for 2 weeks as I would be bored rigid even if I was with other people. I tend to go for long weekends and have a day or two in a city/doing something cultural like museums etc and a day or two on the beach/relaxing and enjoying the quiet. That way I feel like I've done something productive but also had some downtime to recharge.

Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 13:51

I am married with young children and I’d be delighted if someone asked me to go away with them for a long weekend.

Last month my kids and I went away for a week with my friend and had a great time. We both left our partners at home.

You do sound a bit defeatist. Look at your options and pick one (and beat in mind that one of your options is not going on holiday, ever). I think you’re shooting yourself in the foot by ruling everything out without giving it a go.

chemenger · 13/08/2018 13:52

An activity type holiday is a good idea. I have done a couple of cooking courses and really enjoyed them.
I also find city breaks on my own really enjoyable, if you go through the week rather than at a weekend the attractions will be quieter and restaurants will have business travelers eating alone. Hotel restaurants are full of single diners. You may find once you’ve done it once it doesn’t seem so daunting.

Missillusioned · 13/08/2018 13:53

Was with Neilson if anyone is interested. However, I wouldn't do it again as I learned I am not a sailor 😂. I enjoyed the holiday except for the sailing part!

But maybe something similar.

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/08/2018 13:54

There was a piece on Woman's hour last week about solo travel and one tip about restaurants was to eat the main meal at lunchtime while out and about, for anyone who feels self concious about eating alone in the evening. The woman who said this said she then had snacks and wine on her hotel balcony in the evening.

If you don't want to sit on a beach for hours, don't. Even hot and sunny places usually have plenty of non beach sitting options.

What about a group activity holiday? If everyone is concentrating on biking, climbing, diving, canoeing or whatever, there's no pressure to chat to people all the time and there's a common interest to talk about.

I've been on several diving holidays, with DP and with others and there's always been a mix of couples, singles, groups of friends so no-one stands out as being on their own and there's no pressure to match make or make friends, although that does happen.

But if you have no relatives, friends or partner to travel with and don't want to go on a group trip, it does seem that there isn't a lot of options that suit unfortunately.

cheesefield · 13/08/2018 13:54

If you don't want to travel alone, don't want to travel in a group, and don't think any of your current friends or family would want to go away with you, then it sounds like you should perhaps put some effort into meeting new people.

But none of this means travel is "ruled out" for you, it's your decision to not travel.

zzzzz · 13/08/2018 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chewbecca · 13/08/2018 13:57

I'd do a residential cookery course if I were in this situation. Or a cruise where there is plenty to do (including ability to dine with others whenever you like) and private space too.

Original poster
palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 13:57

Well, I do try to meet new people and for the most part I am successful.

But, regardless of individual choices people on here make, asking a friend to come abroad with you and leave her young children at home, is a big ask and I just don’t know anyone who would - I’m not trying to be defeatist but I do have to be realistic as well.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 13/08/2018 13:57

Or I would go away with a married friend who wanted a break without their family.

Original poster
palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 13:58

The last time I had a holiday was with my parents as a child zzzz

OP posts:
Lucked · 13/08/2018 13:58

I don’t like eating evening meals on my own in restaurants other than wagamamas or similar ( breakfast and lunch are fine) but I have made use of recent work travel to go to shows and museums on my own and have really enjoyed it to my surprise. Just need to crack evening meals.

I have single friends who have gone on group holidays who range from introverts to go getters and they have all enjoyed them.

I think if it is a choice of having one or two group holidays to try them out or never holidaying again you would be a fool not to try it. At the most you have to endure a week of a below expectation holiday but if you enjoy it you have so much to gain.

legolimb · 13/08/2018 13:59

I have my eye on a French language immersion course in France. I imagine most of the participants are traveling alone.

I have a DP and (now adult) DC but it's on my list to do one of those courses.

It's kind of being in a group but with a lot of alone time too.

Don't knock organised tours either . Years ago I left baby DS home with his dad while I went on a five day coach trip to Luxembourg. My DM and dsis went too. Ist of the day you are in a group but there is plenty of option to peel off and explore alone. Evenings have organised meals and activities but again you can choose to J on in or not. It was way more fun than I anticipated ( despite being the youngest one on the coach).

chocaholic73 · 13/08/2018 14:05

Although I have a DH, our DD has severe chronic health issues and both of us end up having separate breaks as we can't both leave her. I have had very enjoyable spa breaks - lots of people go alone. At some spas, they have a communal table if you want to chat but if you prefer to eat alone that is also fine. I agree I'm not the greatest fan of eating out on my own in the evening (although I will if I need to to) but you can have your main meal at lunchtime, order a takeaway where you are staying ... there are options. Sometimes, I think I can't be bothered because I will be on my own but I am always glad I have made the effort.

amicissimma · 13/08/2018 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471426142 · 13/08/2018 14:14

What is it about group travel that puts you off? I did some small group tours (ranging from 4-12 people) on my own and they worked really well as there was generally free time built into the itinerary so you could have time for yourself but we’d generally eat as a group and could then pick and choose which sight seeing trips you wanted to do. I went places with the group tours that I would never have done on my own and if you pick the right companies, they don’t feel like a mass coach trip (which I would hate).

Original poster
palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 14:15

I don’t know. I suppose just that maybe it’s not even the travel as such. Just I feel like I’m not living properly. I don’t know Smile

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 13/08/2018 14:16

As others have said - if you won't go alone, can't go with friends and won't consider organised groups then no, you don't have many options. But you're ruling yourself out, not being ruled out by some external thing.

I go away alone, and have colleagues who say things like oh, I'm so jealous! I wish I could do that but it's just not possible - they can get quite self pitying about it as if they've been hard done by. Not saying that's what you're doing OP. But it's all personal choice in the end. If you feel you're missing out, the only one who can change that is you.

Ohhurryup · 13/08/2018 14:18

palmtreeparrot I sympathise as I was in this position for many years. I did a few weekends away with other single work friends and they were great fun, but finding someone to have a 2-week break with is really hard. If you feel self-conscious on your own (and I did in my 20s and 30s) then it's much easier to go somewhere like a city where there are loads of tourists. You can spend all day in galleries and seeing the sights and you'll be just like everyone else. Take lots of pictures, listen to the audio guides in the museums so you feel busy and are not thinking "I'm all alone".

I agree with the above tip about eating at lunchtime. It is way easier to eat lunch alone than dinner - if you are in a city, you can find a smaller cafe rather than sitting in a big bustling restaurant where you'll feel visible. Take a book or have a notebook and pen with you so you can write while you're eating.

Evenings are harder, but you can do room service or stay in an apart-hotel that has a kitchenette, so you can put something together for yourself. Have long baths and an early night so you can be up early the next morning to get to the front of the queue for the Vatican!

Think about it: go to Rome or Amsterdam or Barcelona. So much to see and you can also just take a book to the park for the afternoon if you want to laze. Also look at Meetup.com in whichever city it is, because they have lots of free/cheap get-togethers and activities that you can join in as a tourist and almost everyone goes as a singleton. Things from language practice to salsa to wine-tasting or yoga in the park. Just doing one thing makes you feel like an extrovert and they're usually only a couple of hours with polite non-invasive conversation.

I know it can feel lonely, but think of yourself as an adventuress or a traveller. Get to know one foreign city pretty well - most people never get to spend more than a couple of days in a capital city, you have the chance to do a full week. Good luck and enjoy yourself. x

Original poster
palmtreeparrot · 13/08/2018 14:19

Yes I appreciate what you’re saying but I think I would still be missing out if I went alone.

OP posts: