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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband keeps tracking our daughter on find my friend on iPhone

471 replies

staraw · 12/08/2018 21:36

If she goes out, it's every 15 minutes he's tracking her. I'm not too sure how to address this, thanks.

OP posts:
augustusglupe · 12/08/2018 22:08

OP I went through this with my DD and she was 24/25 at the time. She was living alone in a big city and I worked myself up into such a state at 3 in the morning when I thought she was dead at the bottom of the Manchester ship canal...turns out she was sound asleep in her bed and her phone was off and on charge!!
She blocked me after that for my own sanity...and hers Grin

titchy · 12/08/2018 22:08

What do you mean you don't know what to do? Her and you remove him from your find my friends contacts. Job done. Let him bluster all he likes. If it continues for more than a week or two tell him to move out.

SunflowerJo08 · 12/08/2018 22:09

Where does she go that he might not like? There must be some sort of underlying anxiety or control issue here. It's really not normal behaviour at all. Does she work? Plans for uni?

She really needs to be encouraged to have her own independence etc.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/08/2018 22:10

Wow, can't she have a life? Shock

popocatepetals · 12/08/2018 22:11

Have you actually asked him why he is tracking her?

Rebecca36 · 12/08/2018 22:12

That is really wrong, tell him!

Knittedfairies · 12/08/2018 22:14

As a matter of interest, could you track him?

MycatsaPirate · 12/08/2018 22:14

Has he only done this since she turned 18? ie no longer under his 'control'?

19lottie82 · 12/08/2018 22:15

You need to sit him down and tell him without any confusion that he is being a creepy bastard and needs to knock it on the head NOW.

Goldmandra · 12/08/2018 22:15

This is controlling and abusive behaviour.

He is teaching her that controlling and abusive behaviour is normal and setting her up for some very unhealthy relationships. You may lose her to an abuser if you don't demonstrate very clearly to her that you are prepared to fight for her right to privacy.

This man is not just concerned. He is using that as an excuse to control her. If the car is registered in her name and he tries to take it back, she should call the police.

You need to stand up to him.

If you can't, you need to contact Women's Aid. The Freedom Programme will help you to understand the dynamics of your relationship and how damaging this is for your daughter.

AppleKatie · 12/08/2018 22:15

Yeah I want to know why to!

And also what is he like in the rest of his life?

Anxious?

A controlling psychopath?

It makes a difference here obviously.

BewareOfDragons · 12/08/2018 22:18

Is this a misogynist thing? Would he track his teenage boys in this manner? I highly doubt it.

Make him stop or tell him you're going to tell your daughter. And then you won't be able to use if in a true emergency because she'll have taken it off her phone!

steff13 · 12/08/2018 22:20

If he's just being a concerned parent, why is he accusing her of hiding something when she hides her location from him?

This. If he was concerned with her safety, he wouldn't be badgering her about where she was. He sounds creepy.

zen1 · 12/08/2018 22:22

He’s stalking his own daughter, basically.

misspops · 12/08/2018 22:23

get him a cheap pay as you go phone , remove his iPhone when he's asleep and tell him thats the deal until he stop this daft stalker behaviour

steff13 · 12/08/2018 22:23

Right. He sounds like a jealous, controlling boyfriend, not a father. She should LTB.

TheIsland · 12/08/2018 22:23

I assume you’ve talked to him about this - what did he say? How does she feel about it? Have they talked about it like adults?

Gottokondo · 12/08/2018 22:23

He is very very creepy

Ventiamore · 12/08/2018 22:24

If this is true (who would have the time and dedication to check every 15 minutes?) how long has it been going on for? Weeks or months? Does he do it on every occasion she's out of the house? As he's not like that with you it seems to be a matter of concern for her safety especially now she's driving alone. Could you get her to text him on arrival as an alternative and wean him off checking?
This is a typical OP which gets some ppl frothing about stalking and control through phone location apps. I reckon he's just anxious. My whole family, including parents and sister, have a similar app. It's v useful when meeting up, and none of us use it for any other reason.

llangennith · 12/08/2018 22:25

Both you and your DD need to turn off the App so he can't track either of you. Stop enabling him.

Pebblesandfriends · 12/08/2018 22:27

Get her to remove him but keep you. That way you can find her in BC a real emergency which should Alay any fears he has but he can break this compulsion to track her. He will loose her if he carries on.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 12/08/2018 22:27

Creepy as hell. You need to put your foot down or else it’ll seem like you’re enabling it and condoning his behaviour.

Hogtini · 12/08/2018 22:27

Jesus wept, this is massively disrepectful. Does he want a normal relationship with his adult daughter? And threatening to take back the car she had for her birthday?! That gift nor any gift gives him that permission. He needs to be stopped and your daughter needs to know. Be her mother and take action.

Gabilan · 12/08/2018 22:28

I reckon he's just anxious

So why threaten to take her car away from her? Why question her about what she's hiding? That isn't anxiety. It's being a control freak who cannot accept that his daughter is an independent adult and wants her to be daddy's little girl forever. It really isn't healthy.

LilQueenie · 12/08/2018 22:29

He tracks both of you and although you say it doesn't bother you I'm guessing he has questioned you at some point too. This is abusive and controlling. stop enabling it. Its actually classed as a crime now.

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