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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband keeps tracking our daughter on find my friend on iPhone

471 replies

staraw · 12/08/2018 21:36

If she goes out, it's every 15 minutes he's tracking her. I'm not too sure how to address this, thanks.

OP posts:
MoonageBowie · 12/08/2018 21:54

Way too controlling, it will give her the impression that her own dad doesn't trust her! Now that she's this age he definitely needs to give her the same freedom any other adult has.

LovingLola · 12/08/2018 21:54

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Fluffycloudland77 · 12/08/2018 21:54

It's creepy as fuck. My dad would have threatened taking the car back too.

NC now.

RichPetunia · 12/08/2018 21:55

I'd say he's being a concerned parent. He's not asking her to phone home every two minutes, so she's still going out and about. He's probably frightened in case something bad happens to her and by tracking her phone he's reassured she's ok.

Original poster
staraw · 12/08/2018 21:56

Yes I'm definitely aware of the behaviour being unusual. I don't have any desire to track her unless she was ever not home, in case something happened. I just don't know how to move forward with it.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 12/08/2018 21:56

He sounds awful! Does he track you too? Tell her to attach her phone to the dog for the day and get another private phone!

Original poster
staraw · 12/08/2018 21:57

Yes I am tracked but we are all on there as a family so not fussed about me being tracked

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 12/08/2018 21:58

Ask him why is does it, and go from his response.
An 18 year old should have a measure of freedom, and there's no reason to check on her so regularly unless she said she would be home and she isn't.

And this is from a mum with a grown-up daughter and one who is not much younger than yours, but who has a severe disability. My second daughter has only recently ventured out in her own. Yes, I do worry, but I have never gone to the level of checking up in her like that.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 12/08/2018 21:58

If he's just being a concerned parent, why is he accusing her of hiding something when she hides her location from him? She deserves privacy, you need to support her on this, she is obviously not happy with him constantly monitoring her.

DownstairsMixUp · 12/08/2018 21:58

Ew she's a person, not an object. Put your foot down and stick up for your daughter, she deserves a private life. Your husband and her dad is a fucking creep and could potentially damage the way she views how any normal male should act in a relationship.

Shylo · 12/08/2018 21:58

If it were me I’d support her in disconnecting him and when he threatens to remove her car, I’d be telling him that isn’t going to happen ...... you’ve tried talking to him but he isn’t listening, he doesn’t get to bully an 18 year old into being stalked by her own her father

I’d keep her connected to your phone so you can see where she is in an emergency and reassure him that you have the contact

Good luck OP

DownstairsMixUp · 12/08/2018 21:59

He sounds more awful the more you say

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 12/08/2018 22:00

She is 18, does she know she is tracked? If she doesn't, she needs to know.
Massive breach of privacy.

I'd not let my DP track me and neither would I want to track him.

I find this very odd and controlling behaviour from your DH.

PlatypusPie · 12/08/2018 22:00

Ask him how he would have felt if his parents had been able to do this to him when he was 18 ?!

ilovesooty · 12/08/2018 22:01

It's appallingly controlling behaviour. Is he controlling generally?

BestZebbie · 12/08/2018 22:03

This is just asking her to leave her phone at home if she ever does do anything her Dad might not need to know about though, isn't it? E.g.: at exactly the moments she needs a phone most?

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 12/08/2018 22:03

Shes an 18yr old adult he has no need to be so invasive and threatening to take back the car that was a birthday gift because he has a grump on is plain childish

Thesearepearls · 12/08/2018 22:05

Let's have a think about whether or not this behaviour is legal Presumably it is legal if your daughter has consented. Has that consent been provided under duress?

It's totally ridiculous behaviour which you know as you have posted for advice. Just tell him not to do it. This is an area where you should fight your daughter's battles for her (see the duress point above).

SassitudeandSparkle · 12/08/2018 22:05

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PatheticNurse · 12/08/2018 22:06

He sounds like a complete weirdo. Completely over stepping the appropriate boundaries.

victoriaspongecake · 12/08/2018 22:06

Why are you letting him control you and your daughter? Stop it. Now. It's abuse. Support your daughter.

LizzieSiddal · 12/08/2018 22:06

Does he have very bad anxiety and is worried she’s going to crash the car? If so he must go to the dr and get help.

Or you is it that he’s a weird, controlling father?

poppingalf · 12/08/2018 22:06

Fucking hell your poor daughter. He sounds nice to live with

Not.

ToadsforJustice · 12/08/2018 22:07

Jesus, I'd rather get the bus with no phone than be tracked. Your DH has serious issues. What does he think she would get up to? She only has to swap the phone with a friend to put him off the scent.

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 22:07

It's a good function to have - but it has to be for emergencies only.
He will end up ruining the facility and trampling on her privacy.

He's an idiot.

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