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Original poster

Husband keeps tracking our daughter on find my friend on iPhone

471 replies

staraw · 12/08/2018 21:36

If she goes out, it's every 15 minutes he's tracking her. I'm not too sure how to address this, thanks.

OP posts:
Oldieandgoldie · 14/08/2018 21:16

If he takes the car back, she may end up putting herself at risk by relying on lifts from random strangers. How will he feel about that?

pointythings · 14/08/2018 21:24

Ansum when my husband was still living with us and I worked away, I would absolutely call nightly to talk to him and the DDs. Because we both wanted that to happen. But no trackers, and I wouldn't
have let him track DDs either. Fortunately he was a complete Luddite.

I agree with Graphista that tracking apps can give a false sense of security.

The things you have said, as quoted above, stand and are deeply unpleasant.

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 21:25

@Graphista

Plus it's got a range of I think 10/15 miles?!

It’s a lot more accurate than that. As I said before, my husband has me on his so that when I pick him up from the airport (just off the motorway, so I can’t call him), he knows when to come out so I don’t have to pay the high parking fees just for parking up.

It’s not just about checking what club your 18 year old is in. Obviously if it’s at the stage where you need to know every single club/bar they are in, then there are serious issues.
However, you’d be able to check that they got home safely, if they didn’t live with you. I’m sure most parents get used to their child then going out at night and it becomes the norm and the anxiety fades (mostly) away, but the first few times an 18 year old goes out, being able to check they made it home alive without ringing and embarrassing them in front of their friends is good!

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 21:28

@pointythings

“The things you have said, as quoted above, stand and are deeply unpleasant”

Then perhaps they shouldn’t have been so presumptuous and rude and begin with name calling

Graphista · 14/08/2018 21:38

Apple won't commit to it being more accurate than that. It can be more accurate depending where it's being used as some places have more items that can be used to calculate the users position. An airport wouldn't surprise me on that score. But most of the time it's not that accurate.

As for "knowing they're home safe" - again - false sense of security! What do you think most rape victims do after they're raped? I'll tell you most of them aren't heading to a police station or even rape crisis centre! Very slightly more likely to reach out to a friend or relative but most of them?

MOST go into shock, and as a result go into auto mode. So go home! Because that's what they'd have done if they hadn't been raped. Also because it's where they feel safe. Also because it's somewhere they can relatively easily remove/destroy the evidence they were raped - not to protect their rapist but to protect themselves, to aid denial. There's also often a strong urge to wash.

Being at home as shown on an app doesn't necessarily mean they're OK.

Graphista · 14/08/2018 21:40

Wow! You're trying to blame others for what YOU CHOSE to write?! Wow!

There is a report button if you feel attached. There are also ways of disagreeing with people without personally attacking them yourself.

And 2 of the quotes were nothing to do with retaliating!

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 21:44

“Being at home as shown on an app doesn't necessarily mean they're OK“

No, it doesn’t, but it’s a lot better than being lost and unable to be found.
If you child was to call in the morning and say, ‘I’ve woken up somewhere and haven’t a clue where I am, can you please come and get me,’ you can’t argue that you wouldn’t be the first one then opening that app!

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 21:47

If your child has their phone, and has GPS (in order for the app to work), they can tell you where they are themselves. During the phone call where they ask for help. Why is it assumed that the 'child' (actually an adult, given we're discussing over 18s) is so helpless they can't look at the maps function on their own phone?

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 21:50

Earlier, a poster said similar about their 17year old. They said he apparently gets lost and needs them to tell him where he is using this app.

There was no mention of learning disabilities in that post, but it is a mystery to me why a NT 17 year old with a working smartphone wouldn't be able to find out where they were themselves, and generate directions home (or wherever they wanted to go).

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 21:52

“There is a report button if you feel attached”

😂 They aren’t coming to my house and attacking me, why on earth would I report some faceless person on the internet for calling me a weirdo and calling my mother controlling and abusive, or something to those words.
I’d rather just fight back, to be honest. I don’t like people talking badly about my mother, even if it is some faceless entity.

titchy · 14/08/2018 21:55

If you child was to call in the morning and say, ‘I’ve woken up somewhere and haven’t a clue where I am, can you please come and get me,

If that happened I'd be saying get a bloody Uber.... Seriously what NT teenager with a smartphone cannot use the map app to see exactly where they are, then either the Uber app or google 'any town bus timetable'...

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 21:59

@WomanWithAltitude

Maybe they’re drugged and can’t see straight and have asked Siri to call mum? Maybe they’re tied up and their bag is across the room and have had to shout Siri to call? Maybe they’ve been kidnapped by a sex trafficker and have been blind folded but managed to smuggle their phone in their pants? Maybe their hands have been severed and they’ve unlocked their phone with their nose Shock Who knows.
You need to watch more of Ross Kemp’s programmes- it’s a big bad world out there

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:00

If you type where you want to go into Google maps it'll even recommend the fastest public transport route for your journey. I'd be shocked if a 17 year old wasn't able to do that.

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:02

They wouldn't be calling mum in that scenario, they'd be calling 999.

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 22:03

They won't know where they are if they can't get a signal, or they have no data...
But a tracker can give last known location. Same with a flat battery. Teenager has a bump, and a flat battery, they're on their own.

Graphista · 14/08/2018 22:04

"why on earth would I report some faceless person on the internet for calling me a..." Because that's the site rules. Mn guidelines are if you think it's a personal attack you report rather than retaliate.

A - if my child NT at that age got THAT lost I'd think she was bloody stupid!

B - I'd expect a NT child to figure out where the hell they were even without a smart phone! Check nearby landmarks, shops, ask someone! With a smart phone they absolutely can figure out age they are!

The example of an addict getting hurt and lost - just as possible they can lose their phone if they're in that much of a mess anyway!

Again - false sense of security - an app doesn't protect them from the addiction or consequences of it. I've a fair amount of experience in this area (not an addict myself) and know addicts frequently lose, drop, sell or have their phones nicked! (Easy target for thieves).

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 22:04

@WomanWithAltitude

Haha, true. UNLESS, it was corrupt police doing the blindfolding...

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:05

And the police are able to locate calls from mobile phones without using that app.

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 22:06

@TornFromTheInside

Thank you! Grin

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:08

But a tracker can give last known location. Same with a flat battery. Teenager has a bump, and a flat battery, they're on their own.

Except they have legs, and a voice, and a brain to go and get help with. Just like they would have done in the 80s and 90s, before mobile phones became commonplace.

Graphista · 14/08/2018 22:08

"You need to watch more of Ross Kemp’s programmes" I think it's more a case you need to STOP watching them and maybe talk to a real life police officer about the world we live in!

Taking sensationalist nonsense as fact is no way to live.

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 22:09

It's all very well being able to figure out where you are with a mobile phone, but then I need two phones... one to find where the hell I left the other phone!
I can't even find my phone half the time.

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:10

Ansumpasty - the scenarios you've described are... bizarre. If you are genuinely anxious about that sort of thing on an ongoing basis, you should seek help rather than tracking your children. Looking at an app will make that anxiety worse, not better.

And I say that as someone who was actually abducted as a teen.

Ansumpasty · 14/08/2018 22:18

@WomanWithAltitude

I don’t track my children, or anyone, for that matter. My children are infants.
But, I wouldn’t slate someone who chooses to do so, as long as the child consents and it isn’t to an unhealthy degree.

WomanWithAltitude · 14/08/2018 22:18

But you stated that you would definitely track them once they're 18 and going to clubs? I was taking you at your word, not making things up.