Husband keeps tracking our daughter on find my friend on iPhone

[staraw]

If she goes out, it's every 15 minutes he's tracking her. I'm not too sure how to address this, thanks.

Are you OK, OP? This must be a difficult read for you

At what age does he think she won't need to be tracked or will he just hand the tracking app over to her husband?

I bet he’s the sort of man who’s is obsessed with his daughters sex life/virginity too

If that's the case, I'm seeing more parallels with my own father, which is quite uncomfortable. And my dad was another one who said "well actually it isn't your room, it's mine, I paid for it".

op youve been picked up by a local(ish) to me radio station

OPs long gone, tho.

I hope she's still reading, but it must be a hard read - her DH is a creepy weirdo fucker, and she herself is being controlled without realising.

I hope her eyes have been opened.

And my dad was another one who said "well actually it isn't your room, it's mine, I paid for it".

My ex was like that to DD.

RichPetunia
I'd say he's being a concerned parent. He's not asking her to phone home every two minutes, so she's still going out and about. He's probably frightened in case something bad happens to her and by tracking her phone he's reassured she's ok.

I couldn't disagree with you more. I think its creepy as fuck and wholly unacceptable to track an 18 year old. I would be telling him to stuff the car where the sun don't shine and leave home, after turning off his ability to track me of course.

It's clearly not about him being concerned about his DD, though he might claim that as his reason for tracking her. It's all about control, hence the threat to take her car off her. This is not a man who cares for his daughter's safety, he thinks of her as his property.

I'm sure the OP has found this upsetting. But it's better she sees this man's controlling ways for what they are now rather than having her DD cut her off as well as her 'D'F. Or if her DD told her in years to come how her life was wrecked by this vile man's abuse. (That's what my DM had to face, and it's broken her.)

My youngest DS is a vulnerable young adult and I do have lots of rules for him to try and keep him safe.

I worry about him when he is out on his own, travelling to and from College mostly, but there is no way I'd put a tracker on his his phone to monitor him.

He's technically an adult and I try very hard to treat him as an adult as much as possible, not always feasible given his level of learning difficulties but the tracking just seems weird to me in so many ways.

@WomanwithAttidude

You say ‘tracked’ like my mother has a tv monitor set up in her room with my whereabouts, that beeps every time I move location.
Clicking on an app once a day or once every few days when she misses me and wonders what I’m up to and hasn’t spoken to me in a while because of time differences is NOT strange in any way. I think it would be more odd to want to conceal the fact I’m in Sainsbury’s, or McDonald’s, or heaven forbid, my own house. Fancy my mother knowing that!

There really is something quite perverse about some people’s minds on here. Not everyone is creepy with an agenda, or controlling and abusive. Jesus wept

Ansumpty, it is when the person is an adult and does not want to be tracked. He tracks where she is frequently as op says.Gross invasion of privacy.

If my DD was in a different country and I wondered how she was, we'd exchange quick texts/messages. Tracking her wouldn't be as good.
A "Hi, love you" text to be replied to when the other person is free/not asleep etc. Is communication. Knowing they are at home/in their office/shopping isn't as good.

@Aeroflot

I know, I was replying to someone who said it was ‘absolutely not normal’ for my mother to be able to see where I was, if she needed/wanted to.

@Bekabeech
I don’t think you will understand what it’s like unless you actually experience living on the other side of the world to your loved ones.
I have nobody in this country, besides my children, as my husband works away. Sometimes I’m busy with the kids and don’t answer a txt for hours.
For my mum to be able to feel a little closer to me and reassured that I’m just going about my normal life is pretty priceless.
There’s also the added security that it gives; if I don’t reply or answer my phone for a day or two, she can see that my location doesn’t say ‘local hospital.’

Technology can be used to our benefit...it’s not all controlling and creepy!

It was wasn’t too long ago that people said, ‘i’d hate to have a mobile phone, i don’t want people to be able to contact me whereever I am!’ Yet, here we are

Oh and I’ve added my husband to mine, too. It’s SO handy that he can see how far away I am from the airport when I drive to collect him, so he can come out and save us the airport parking fees.

Again, not creepy, nor ‘definitely not normal’, and not controlling.

No doubt some will say, ‘you allow your husband to see how close you are to his airport!? LTB!!!’

ansum - Clicking on an app once a day or once every few days but it's not once a day, or every few days. It's every 15 minutes. It says so in the OP fgs.

And what if you are unavailable? Do you get the third degree? Do you get threats of your gifts being taken back?

If you want to be tracked, that's up to you. This dd doesn't, but doesn't have that choice. She HAS to submit to her father tracking her, even as an adult. That is creepy. That is controlling. And therefore is abusive. How can you not understand that?

You think it's him being a good, caring father? Not everyone is creepy and abusive, no. But those that display creepy and controlling and abusive behaviours, usually are! And it is useful to be able to identify creepy fuckers . If you can't identify them from their behaviours, how will you protect yourself from being abused and controlled? Or don't you care? Are you the sort of parent who blindly thinks the best of everyone, even when they display this sort of controlling behaviour? If so, it's you that is the crap parent. TEACH YOUR CHILD to identify abusers. And avoid them.

I don’t think you will understand what it’s like unless you actually experience living on the other side of the world to your loved ones. Yep, done that. My mum doesn't even have a computer, and doesn't have a smartphone. I phoned her once a week. She has a life, I have a life. She doesn't need to know what I'm doing every 15 minutes.
I have nobody in this country, Yep, I was the same. I knew no one. SO?

And I say again - you have obviously agreed to have a tracker. You and you dc, and dh. That's fine. If you want it. What happens if someone in your family doesn't want to be tracked? That's when the abuse starts. That's when the controlling starts. When you don't have a choice.

@ciderhouserules

AGAIN, I was replying to individual, direct posts who were OFFENSIVE to me. ‘FGS’

@ciderhouserules

That’s a shame, sounds like you and mum aren’t close. Unfortunate. Let’s hope you and your children speak more than once a week, hey? Or not, maybe you just aren’t one for close family relationships. (Or maybe you just aren’t a very nice person?)

He tracks her every 15 minuites as op states, when she is out. It is creepy as dd is an adult who does not consent to be tracked, and is shut down by her controlling father when she protests, that is wrong.

@Aeroflot

Yes, which is why I said I was OBVIOUSLY NOT NORMAL. Again, I was replying to people who decided to alter the course of the thread and direct their posts towards me

It *

ansum AGAIN with the PA digs! As I said, my mum dosen't have broadband, and has no smartphone. How do I contact her? I phone her landline.

You think we aren't close because I wouldn't let her put a tracker on my phone? (Which she couldn't anyway) OK then.... I don't think she needs to know where I am all day long. And to be perfectly honest, why would she want to know? And what could she do if she saw I was in the hospital? From the other side of the world?????

And - AGAIN - what happens if one of your family refuses to let you track them,? If they say NO, you are not putting a tracker on my phone? Would you do it anyway, because you 'love' them so much?

And to clarify, the op majorly drip fed.

The original post said:

If she goes out, it's every 15 minutes he's tracking her. I'm not too sure how to address this, thanks.

She could have been 12, going into London shopping alone with her friend for the first time. Seeing that she’s safe then? Not exactly child abuse.

She could have just started clubbing a few weeks ago, and the dad was having trouble wirh his anxiety due to, I don’t know, past/current issues? Drug use? Who knows.

As the op continued to drip feed, it became obvious that the father is being unreasonable.

Ansum, she explained all that within 12 posts! You actually said you were commenting without bothering to read the thread.
Dearie me.
Shall we agree that he sounds weird and that you and your mum have a totally different (and lovely) relationship....

@Helmetbymidnight
Fair enough