To think that the guy I fancy at work fancies me too?

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

Please can you help me to interpret these signs! I'm normally quite forthright and have been the one to initiate the 'I like you' chat with a couple of guys in the past, only to have been knocked back. So now I want him to be the one who makes the first move, if indeed he is interested.

Just for background, we both do busy intense jobs. He is more senior than me but not what you would call my boss.

So, we met at work last October and although I didn't find him attractive initially (consciously), I was sure I had met him before and said this to him. And he said he felt exactly the same.

Since then we have become what I would say is close. We have worked long shifts together when it has just been the two of us for a few days in a row. We have had lots of intimate chats and I feel like we have got very close very quickly.

For context, he went to a single sex school and has 2 brothers. He is the eldest. He has referred to a couple of female friends who are in relationships.

We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and during that time apart I realised how strongly I felt about him. When we met again at work the rapport and banter was straight back to where it was before - i.e., close, intimate chats.

He teases me sometimes and thinks about me when we're apart to the extent that he reflects on our conversations and will bring things up again from previous chats.

But, his pupils don't dilate when he sees me. I'm sure mine are great big saucers!

He is always complimenting me on how nice and kind I am, etc.

Do you think he likes me?

I should add that we're in our mid to late 30s so this is not a teen crush!

Any thoughts or insight into the male brain is desperately sought please! Thanks.

I should add that we only really got close in early July and then I was out of the office for 3 weeks. But I returned a week or so ago.

He clearly likes you and you obviously like him, go for it!

Does he flirt with you? Make humourous suggestive comments? Act jealous if you talk about other men?

Right now all you've described is friendship.

Oh, unless either of you are married.......then don’t

Bluntness100, I think he does flirt a bit. That's the thing I'm not sure about! Whether it's flirting or him just being friendly? Examples of our most (not very) flirty exchanges would be:

Him: I think you need to be a bit tougher with that client.
Me: I can be firm (smiling)
Him: I bet you can (smiling)

He was telling me about his hobby which involves aiming at a target. He said that he could fire his weapon at me and get me at 40m. It was a bit flirty.

I was asking him if he does any exercise and I was saying it's important, even for just the endorphin boost. He said he can think of better ways to get an endorphin boost.

But we also have very deep chats that I would never have with another colleague.

I don't know...!?!

Well that sounds like flirting to me.

Cheesy flirting but flirting all the same. 🤣

Why don't you respond in kind?

Are you both single? If so ask him out!

I have responded. If anything I think I'm the flirtier one. And I have been looking good in the office, if I do say so myself!! Ha! That's why I think he's perhaps not interested.

I'm 100% sure he really likes me but possibly just as a friend.

Hmm, you could do something that could be construed as friendship that could lead to something else.

We should grab a beer after work, up for it?

That kind of thing, if he says yes and it's just beer, then yeah he just wants to be mates.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo, the last time I made the first move I got rejected. And I don't want that to happen again. I want to feel feminine and desired. I don't want to be the predator (which is my normal default state!).

Is say it's a certain that he likes you. In my experience people don't say those sorts of things if they're not interested. Go for it :)

I did suggest lunch the other day and he said yes but then he remembered that he had to go to a meeting and came and apologised.

I think it does sound like he fancies you. It is possibly just friendship, but usually guys don't make that much effort to chat to a woman and say those kind of things if they're not interested on a romantic level.

Hmm, did he suggest lunch another time?

Just keep on doing what you're doing and maybe ask him to lunch again another time.

The kinds of intimate chats we have are about our hopes, dreams, bucket list types of desires, childhoods, previous relationships, etc. This happened over the space of about 3 days. So suddenly really close really quickly. I know all about his parents and siblings, their troubles, their triumphs, etc. I have never had a friend like that, let alone a male friend, let alone a colleague, let alone after a few days!

No he didn't suggest lunch again and he could have suggested it the next day.

He also asks me quite direct, probing questions about what I'm doing at the weekend, that afternoon (half day), etc.

I had one of these until recently. Exactly the same behaviours, asking me to lunch, acting jealous of a guy who was messaging me, etc. He has a serious girlfriend though. He’s never mentioned her existence to me but I know through other sources. So turns out he’s just an asshole. Shame because he’s a really nice guy, super bright, I really like him. But I can’t respect him anymore. So no more nicey-nice from me.

Oh wow JennyHolzersGhost. What do you think he was after? Sex or a new relationship?

Ego flattering. Unfortunately I’m not selling that anymore so he can get his confidence boost elsewhere.

I think if he was interested op he'd have suggested lunch thr next day or whenever. As in sorry I can't do today, what about tomorrow.

It may be just an ego boost for him.

Are you sure he's single? It may also be he doesn't wish to get involved in relationships with someone he works with,

Are you sure he is straight?

Maybe he's not single. Although I'm surprised that it hasn't come up!

I don't really understand the whole ego boost thing. Hmmm. I'm clearly not as intuitive as I had hoped!

If you don’t want to ask him out - which I get! - could you organise work drinks for a few of you for any reason? That’s how I met my DP; it was a fairly similar “does he/doesn’t he” situation for me. When we were the last 2 standing at the work drinks and then snogging by last orders, I had my answer.

Your posts make it sound as if he does like you, which is great, but I also know from experience that you can read into things when you like someone*. Really hope it’s the former, you have to keep us posted!

• • I once fancied a colleague who sent me an email that said, “have you ever been to Xxx bar? It’s in your neck of the woods!”

I really thought/hoped he was asking me for a drink based on that, but restrained myself from flying round to his office and saying YES YES YES like Meg Ryan on steroids. And sure enough it turned out he was just organising drinks with his mates