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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the guy I fancy at work fancies me too?

162 replies

NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 19:50

Please can you help me to interpret these signs! I'm normally quite forthright and have been the one to initiate the 'I like you' chat with a couple of guys in the past, only to have been knocked back. So now I want him to be the one who makes the first move, if indeed he is interested.

Just for background, we both do busy intense jobs. He is more senior than me but not what you would call my boss.

So, we met at work last October and although I didn't find him attractive initially (consciously), I was sure I had met him before and said this to him. And he said he felt exactly the same.

Since then we have become what I would say is close. We have worked long shifts together when it has just been the two of us for a few days in a row. We have had lots of intimate chats and I feel like we have got very close very quickly.

For context, he went to a single sex school and has 2 brothers. He is the eldest. He has referred to a couple of female friends who are in relationships.

We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and during that time apart I realised how strongly I felt about him. When we met again at work the rapport and banter was straight back to where it was before - i.e., close, intimate chats.

He teases me sometimes and thinks about me when we're apart to the extent that he reflects on our conversations and will bring things up again from previous chats.

But, his pupils don't dilate when he sees me. I'm sure mine are great big saucers!

He is always complimenting me on how nice and kind I am, etc.

Do you think he likes me?

I should add that we're in our mid to late 30s so this is not a teen crush!

Any thoughts or insight into the male brain is desperately sought please! Thanks.

OP posts:
Bimgy85 · 12/08/2018 21:37

If you've got such a great communication with eachother and rapport then why not just go ahead and send the friend request? Surely he wouldn't mind! Let us know what happens! Thanks

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:37

Bluntness100, I can't send him a friend request. It's not an option on his FB page. I guess he has high security settings.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:39

RamonaQuimbyage38, I suppose I should ask him. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to and he would lead on things.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:40

HabbyHadno, that is a LOVELY happy ending!

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PennyDreadfull · 12/08/2018 21:41

What I mean is, can't you just say in conversation "hey, can I add you on Facebook?" See what his reaction is?

If I was close to someone I would.
Surely it's better to know then not know?

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:41

Buxtonstill, I suspect you're right. Although he asked about my weekend which was full and busy (his was completely free). And the morning I saw him and he asked what I was doing that afternoon (on my half day), he had to work.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:42

wheezing, I would absolutely love a relationship based on this lovely new friendship, or whatever it is!

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:43

Thanks Rebecca36.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:44

To those suggesting I just add him, I actually can't. He doesn't have that option.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:45

But PennyDreadfull that suggests that I have looked him up and know that I can't befriend him. And I don't want him to think that I have stalker tendencies!

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Whisky2014 · 12/08/2018 21:46

Is there ay colleage you could discretely ask if they know if he is in a relationship?personally, i think he is flirting with you!

Shambu · 12/08/2018 21:46

If it were me I'd take a step back and see if he comes after you.

You've not known him that long.

I agree he could have an undeclared love interest in the background.

NashvilleQueen · 12/08/2018 21:46

My FB used to be like that so I understand what the OP means. You can set it so no one can send you a request, or only friends of friends etc.

Have you tried Instagram/Twitter?

Whisky2014 · 12/08/2018 21:47

But also, if he does like you, why isn't he asking you out?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:47

I don't know about Facebook very much but would that not mean he's blocked you? I don't know enough to know why you can't send a friend request. Maybe a more avid face book user could comment,

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:48

Thanks Whisky2014. I don't think there's anyone else who knows him that well.

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LipstickHandbagCoffee · 12/08/2018 21:48

Can you discreetly ask about,get any collateral info eg partner
I’d not ask him out, I’d hang fire see what you find out
It’s tricky isn’t it,because a good rapport were you get someone is rare

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:48

Yes, Shambu, I think stepping back sounds sensible.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:49

NashvilleQueen I haven't tried those as I research can't imagine him using either of them.

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Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:50

Ah Facebook you can have it so only friends if friends can send you friend requests.

It's either that or everyone.

HabbyHadno · 12/08/2018 21:50

Actually thinking about it I'm totally skipping to the end on my story. I cut him off first to test the waters and see if he cared and he did, that's when I knew it was safe to strike. Do that. Go cold, if he's bothered he'll show some interest.

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:51

Whisky2014, I'm beginning to think he must be attached. It would certainly explain the feelings of him being very friendly but keeping something back.

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TheVanguardSix · 12/08/2018 21:51

I had this for two years. And then it just got too much for me so I pulled way back and became distant... very friendly but less chatty, less personal. I dialled it back. Not long afterward, I got a letter through my door from my colleague and a bouquet of flowers on the step... at 8am on a Sunday morning. We
moved in together a month later!

We’ve been together 9 years now. Grin
Don’t read too much into the lunch thing, is all I’m saying.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:51

I may be over invested but can you google his name and address? As long as you know the town, you could find his address, it would then tell you if anyone else lives there,,,

cunningartificer · 12/08/2018 21:52

Take your time. What’s the rush? If it’s only been six days of close conversations all told, albeit spread across a few weeks then to be honest I think you may be reading a bit too much into this ‘instant friendship‘. It may become more, it may not, but there’s no mileage in forcing the pace. If he hasn’t thought how much he missed you when you were away (as you did), perhaps his feelings aren’t as intense as yours quite yet. It’s early days. I think your instinct to let him make the running is right.

I can’t help feeling if this was reversed people would be saying ‘why can’t men enjoy having female friends without bringing sex into it!’ Smile