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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that the guy I fancy at work fancies me too?

162 replies

NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 19:50

Please can you help me to interpret these signs! I'm normally quite forthright and have been the one to initiate the 'I like you' chat with a couple of guys in the past, only to have been knocked back. So now I want him to be the one who makes the first move, if indeed he is interested.

Just for background, we both do busy intense jobs. He is more senior than me but not what you would call my boss.

So, we met at work last October and although I didn't find him attractive initially (consciously), I was sure I had met him before and said this to him. And he said he felt exactly the same.

Since then we have become what I would say is close. We have worked long shifts together when it has just been the two of us for a few days in a row. We have had lots of intimate chats and I feel like we have got very close very quickly.

For context, he went to a single sex school and has 2 brothers. He is the eldest. He has referred to a couple of female friends who are in relationships.

We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and during that time apart I realised how strongly I felt about him. When we met again at work the rapport and banter was straight back to where it was before - i.e., close, intimate chats.

He teases me sometimes and thinks about me when we're apart to the extent that he reflects on our conversations and will bring things up again from previous chats.

But, his pupils don't dilate when he sees me. I'm sure mine are great big saucers!

He is always complimenting me on how nice and kind I am, etc.

Do you think he likes me?

I should add that we're in our mid to late 30s so this is not a teen crush!

Any thoughts or insight into the male brain is desperately sought please! Thanks.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:00

Ha!

High security settings. He might just be in a relationship.and he's avoiding lunch,,sorry. 😔

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:04

Bluntness100, I think you're probably right. It's a shame though as we have a ridiculously good rapport. We finish each other's sentences constantly Sad

OP posts:
Ohyippedydooda · 12/08/2018 21:05

I would play it cool and let him initiate. He sounds confident and so isn't likely to be too nervous to make a move? There's something about your descriptions of conversations etc that make me think possibly ego boost too... I've also experienced similar, an attached attractive guy enjoying a bit if what they see as harmless fun. It sounds like you really don't want the knock back so maybe wait until he moves company and if he hasn't made a move by then you could suggest a catch up once he's left? He might be waiting for that opportunity too! As you say you're not early twenties, you're at serious stages of your careers so a relationship with a colleague that could fail is quite a big risk!

PurplePotatoes · 12/08/2018 21:06

Hmm I was all for saying it definitely sounds like he fancies you until the lunch thing and have to say I agree with Bluntness on that one....he wouldn't have missed that opportunity (to rearrange) in my opinion anyway, sorry. I'd leave the ball in his court now.

PennyDreadfull · 12/08/2018 21:08

Hmm if you're close can't you ask to add him on social media? I would!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 12/08/2018 21:10

He’s had ample opportunity to ask you out and hasn’t. Maybe he’s not that into you

Tinkobell · 12/08/2018 21:10

Wow. It sounds like the beginning of LOVE to me OP. Hope I'm right! Do a date fgs!

NicoAndTheNiners · 12/08/2018 21:10

Ages ago I worked with a guy like this. Told me he thought I was lovely, that I looked fantastic, etc. We got on like a house on fire.

I asked him out and he blew me out.

I can only assume he liked the flirting/having his ego stroked.

I would agree. That if he was interested he would have asked you out. I convinced myself my bloke was just shy. He’d done all the stuff about quizzing me in great detail about if I was single, etc, what was I doing at weekends.

JennyHolzersGhost · 12/08/2018 21:12

Hmmm I’d knock it off with the rapport a bit and stop finishing his sentences etc and see what happens. Your colleagues will be watching, remember. Don’t make yourself the subject of workplace gossip.

NicoAndTheNiners · 12/08/2018 21:12

Have to say I don’t really understand why blokes do this. It hurt me at the time that he would lead me in and get my hopes up. Why tell a woman they look amazing and they’re lovely and ask if they’re single and then turn them down?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:13

Hmm if you're close can't you ask to add him on social media? I would!

That's not a bad idea. Friend request him on social media. See if he accepts or not...

RamonaQuimbyage38 · 12/08/2018 21:15

I would ask him directly if he's in a relationship. But word your question carefullly so that your reason for asking can be ambiguous (to save your dignity/avoid him taking the complete ego boost)if it turns out that he is.

Eg, saying something about lifestyle outside of work, talking about who you normally do stuff with/live with ... find a way into a conversation where it's an obvious thing to ask in passing. And ask casually, not pointedly.

And if it turns out he is, regard him with suspicion and cool it right down immediately.

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 12/08/2018 21:19

I knew someone once who didn't eat lunch or much else - no-one ever saw him eat anything while he was at work, not even when we'd ordered lunch for client visits. He was terrified of putting on weight looked like a racing snake, took a lot of exercise as well.

HabbyHadno · 12/08/2018 21:22

I had this. It went on for AGES, after a year I told him how I felt. We've been married for 5 years and have two kids now Grin

HabbyHadno · 12/08/2018 21:25

Just 'friend' him on FB, then you can snoop. If he declines he's spoken for.

Buxtonstill · 12/08/2018 21:28

Following his questions about what you were doing in your free time, I think he would have suggested meeting if he wanted to. You asked him to lunch. The ball is in his court now. From what you have written it doesn’t sound like he wants it to goaanywhere. Sorry.

wheezing · 12/08/2018 21:28

I had this. It went on for AGES, after a year I told him how I felt. We've been married for 5 years and have two kids now
Me too, for years. I’m honestly still a little confused over whether he liked me from the start or was just that friendly to everyone. I do know that if you find talking to the other person so easy and fluent it doesn’t just go away and it’s so nice to have a relationship built on that.

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:31

Ohyippedydooda yes I'd say he's quite confident but I wonder if he's just a bit awkward with women. I'm not sure.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 12/08/2018 21:32

It sounds as though he likes you very much, any more than that I couldn't say. Carry on being friendly but don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 21:32

Send him a friend request now,,,

Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:32

PennyDreadfull, I suppose I'm a bit worried about what I might find!

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:34

LipstickHandbagCoffee, yes that's my fear. Although to be honest, we have only really spent 6 working days with each other over the last 6 weeks. But it feels like we've got to know each other very deeply very quickly.

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:34

Ha! Tinkobell, feeling it this end!

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:35

Aren't some guys shit NicoAndTheNiners!

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Original poster
NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 21:36

Agreed JennyHolzersGhost, although we were completely alone for 95% of our conversations.

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