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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the guy I fancy at work fancies me too?

162 replies

NightsInWhiteSatin · 12/08/2018 19:50

Please can you help me to interpret these signs! I'm normally quite forthright and have been the one to initiate the 'I like you' chat with a couple of guys in the past, only to have been knocked back. So now I want him to be the one who makes the first move, if indeed he is interested.

Just for background, we both do busy intense jobs. He is more senior than me but not what you would call my boss.

So, we met at work last October and although I didn't find him attractive initially (consciously), I was sure I had met him before and said this to him. And he said he felt exactly the same.

Since then we have become what I would say is close. We have worked long shifts together when it has just been the two of us for a few days in a row. We have had lots of intimate chats and I feel like we have got very close very quickly.

For context, he went to a single sex school and has 2 brothers. He is the eldest. He has referred to a couple of female friends who are in relationships.

We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and during that time apart I realised how strongly I felt about him. When we met again at work the rapport and banter was straight back to where it was before - i.e., close, intimate chats.

He teases me sometimes and thinks about me when we're apart to the extent that he reflects on our conversations and will bring things up again from previous chats.

But, his pupils don't dilate when he sees me. I'm sure mine are great big saucers!

He is always complimenting me on how nice and kind I am, etc.

Do you think he likes me?

I should add that we're in our mid to late 30s so this is not a teen crush!

Any thoughts or insight into the male brain is desperately sought please! Thanks.

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/08/2018 14:45

You know what, I honestly think just ask him out. Maybe wait unTIL just before he’s going to move job but just text him a message saying “hey wondered if you’d like to go out for a drink one evening”.

He’ll either say yes or tell you he’s married/or make an excuse about being busy. If he says no, it doesn’t have to be awkward. Just say no problem and act like it never happened.

Then you know for sure. None of this angst. Life’s too short.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/08/2018 00:02

The trouble with seductive people who kind of captivate others, is that it can be a form of deception. So he is controlling the parameters: he makes you feel drawn close but also unable to ask him outright if he is attached.

It’s a false intimacy if you can’t ask him stuff about his life. The rush of ‘closeness’ isn’t real. Just be wary.

Having said that I hope I’m wrong and it all works out...!

Goth237 · 15/08/2018 17:29

Do you really enjoy your job, OP? If so, I'd be wary of starting something with a colleague. As much as you may like each other, if things go wrong how will that feel? Is that something you think you could handle? Being around him every day at the office would be too difficult for me anyway.

Nettletheelf · 15/08/2018 18:03

Why is the OP being encouraged to strategise, stalk him on Facebook, ask him out, etc? She’s done more than enough. Something doesn’t smell right.

She asks him for lunch, he initially accepts, then remembers a meeting that prevents him going, does not suggest rescheduling and for good measure throws in that he doesn’t eat lunch, which he has apparently just remembered even though he accepted first time?

He’s a chancer. Don’t give him any more attention. As others have suggested, he likes flirting with pretty girls but isn’t really interested. If he was interested, you would know!

There are loads of men like this. I’ve worked with plenty. I’m a real hard hearted Hannah though, so I just treat it as harmless silliness. Not everybody does, though, and that’s when women I’ve worked with get hurt and damage their career prospects.

Move on and stop obsessing. You made it too easy. Six days working together and he knows all your secrets but you don’t know whether he’s single? That is not a normal healthy flirtation. Find a nice, normal man.

Polska03 · 20/08/2018 14:20

Any update? Halo

Writersblock2 · 20/08/2018 18:21

I’m invested now. I want to know what happened!

Woollyteacosy · 05/09/2018 18:58

Wish we had an outcome to this. Hmm

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/09/2018 21:57

Ah he likes you !
But someone needs to be brave and cross the line

You might need some WineWineWine

Pumkinfailure · 05/09/2018 22:00

Op are you there? I hope it worked out!

Booskina · 05/09/2018 22:23

Would love an update OP!
Halo

HollowTalk · 05/09/2018 22:33

Oh now, @NightsInWhiteSatin, I've read the whole thing and thought there'd be a resolution by now!

Crunchymum · 05/09/2018 22:43

Maybe the OP has been furiously shagging this fella since the 12th August and is too busy to post? Grin

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