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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL has not vaccinated my nieces

999 replies

Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 19:49

My baby has been booked in for her vaccinations soon. I asked my sister in law, who has primary school aged kids, about the experience and I was flabbergasted when she said she didn't get their jabs. I can't quite believe it!

When I asked why, she said the risks outweighed the pros but she struggled to articulate what the risks were beyond 'potential death'. I said that that was also the downside of not getting the jabs too! She said she was persuaded when her friend said that the jabs couldn't be undone if her kids had a reaction.

AIBU to be shocked and quite disappointed about this? I'm not looking forward to it by any means, but the eradication of many awful diseases and protection against those still prevalent is surely a non negotiable?

When her kids don't get these diseases, she'll be vindicated but that will likely be because the majority have had their jabs rather than proving jabs were unnecessary.

I imagine I'll get over this - my child will be protected - but I'm just Shock at hearing this news.

OP posts:
Anonnymouse54321 · 12/08/2018 20:08

Oh fgs. Why must posters always latch onto something that isn't the OP, which then ends up the focus of the thread. My DH has never really had any massive input in parenting decisions. As the primary carer, everything like that fel, and does fall, to me. He may be there and I may ask his opinion (although he often doesn't say much anyway) but all decisions are mine and I suspect this is the case in many families. So yes, I would be questioning the SIL too.

YANBU OP. There have been measles outbreaks recently because so many don't vaccinate. I think they should be compulsory unless there is a proven reason why an individual cannot have it. I'm sure it's the US where you can't start school without being vaccinated.

Leesa65 · 12/08/2018 20:08

I never had any

I am not dead.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/08/2018 20:10

No misscontrary it’s much worse. Vaccination is a bloody modern miracle. It has saved millions of lives and people who don’t vaccinate their kids are severely misguided and are putting everyone else at risk.
Whereas Boris is just a loudmouth fuck

Original poster
Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 20:10

I don't think that though, Nick. If my brother disagreed I would expect him to get them vaccinated. I just had this conversation with my SIL and she told me that she didn't get them vaccinate because she thinks the risks outweigh the pros and her mate influenced her by saying they couldn't be undone.

If I had said "my sister has not..." would it make any difference.

My bro may or may not agree - he wasn't there - so either my SIL didn't get them vaccinated or they both didn't, but I had the convo with her.

OP posts:
MamaHechtick · 12/08/2018 20:11

My sil did sort of similar. We have family from other parts of the world and our children were offered the TB jab (tb is on the rise and isn't on the vaccination schedule). DH and I got our DC the vaccinations and sil and bil refused their DC to have the TB vaccine, even though it's given because our children are at a even higher risk. We were really confused by why they wouldn't.

We've obviously moved on from then but learnt we have very different values and beliefs as parents.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 12/08/2018 20:11

I can't actually believe how many people are commenting on the fact you aren't blaming both parents!
Of course you are you just didn't mention it because you had the conversation with sil first!! That's not the issue here!

But of course this is Mumsnet where equality comes before the well being of children.
Get a fucking grip people and lose the chip on your shoulder.

PurpleDaisies · 12/08/2018 20:13

I never had any

I am not dead.

That’s hers immunity and dumb luck, and in no way a good reason not to vaccinate.

politicalcorrectnessisgreat · 12/08/2018 20:13

Most people who don't vaccinate are university educated, many are GPs. People who don't vaccinate usually research it quite thoroughly, probably more than those who do vaccinate.

Original poster
Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 20:14

I think people must just cruise the message board looking for anyone mentioning their in laws just to shout "WHAT ABOUT YOUR BLOOD RELATIVE?!?!" at every opportunity. Really boring when it doesn't affect the information (trying) to be discussed.

OP posts:
seventhgonickname · 12/08/2018 20:15

I would not be letting her children visit until your baby has had all injections.It is not just her children her risk it can affect everyone they come in contact with.The measle outbreaks last year affected those who weren't vaccinated and put babies and those that cannot be vaccinated at risk.Many people now do not remember how devastating measles can be.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/08/2018 20:15

poliitical you know that’s wrong

scaryteacher · 12/08/2018 20:16

Aintnothing Some people choose not to vaccinate their children. Some choose to vote Brexit.Wherever you look there are thick uneducated people who do stupid things. Sadly that’s life

Yet some of us ensured our kids were vaccinated, and then voted to leave the EU - how do you square that one? Many people who voted for Brexit are Postgrads and hold Chartered Status....

politicalcorrectnessisgreat · 12/08/2018 20:16

What about all the adults the baby will come into contact with?? Are you not bothered about them being in contact? I had less than half the ones kids have nowadays.

Original poster
Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 20:16

Will my baby be protected after this first lot of jabs, or do I need to wait until she's had the lot?

OP posts:
CaveyLass · 12/08/2018 20:16

Yeah? Wait until polio comes back. The anti vaxxers will be trampling people underfoot to get to the vaccination clinic.

Thatsfuckingshit · 12/08/2018 20:20

If I had posted 'my sister hasn't vaccinated my nieces', would your responses be different? Why because it's my SIL (who I am as close to as my actual sis, and had been in my life for years and years) mean I can't have this convo with her directly?

I actually don't give a shit if she is your sil or your sister. It's the fact that you only blamed female. I don't care wether she is a blood relative or not.

I totally disagree with their decision. But they made the decision as a couple. Just couldn't work out why your op was all about her.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/08/2018 20:20

scaryteacher that just means one sensible choice was made and one very stupid one

MsFrizzle · 12/08/2018 20:20

Her baby, her choice.

Not when it affects so many others.

politicalcorrectnessisgreat · 12/08/2018 20:21

Yeah? Wait until polio comes back. The anti vaxxers will be trampling people underfoot to get to the vaccination clinic.

This country has high levels of hygiene. Polio was fierce before hand washing. The number of cases went down when hand washing came in, before the vaccine.

Original poster
Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 20:22

Well, hopefully I've cleared that up for you now thatsfuckingshit.

If I had said my sister, I highly doubt everyone would be going "but what about your BIL?!"...

OP posts:
MiddlingMum · 12/08/2018 20:22

I know someone with DC who are far too precious to vaccinate. She openly says she's relying on herd immunity to do the job for her.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 12/08/2018 20:22

Tbf, I was the one who made the decisions on vaccination, and while I am the primary carer atm, dh was a SAHD when our first was small and we shared care about equally when our second came along. Dh has always been 'go along with whatever the schedule is', i have done the research and made differing decisions at times (for example, gave dc2 single measles followed by MMR, put off the second MMR for dc1 and the MMR for dc2 until they were a little older than the scheduled age in our country (where you can theoretically have the second MMR 4 weeks after the first (!), although most docs don't recommend that), decided against MMRV for dc1 and 2 but for it for dc3, and opted for extra non-schedule vaccinations for all dc such as Men B, Men ACWY and tick-borne encephalitis). It may be that that's how it happens to work in this particular couple.

Apart from that, I do despair somewhat of people who blanket refuse vaccinations for no sound medical reason, and when I found out my neighbour hadn't vaccinated her son (who played with my sons) I was a lot more cautious about having him around baby dd.

PattiStanger · 12/08/2018 20:23

Your reaction seems very extreme, did you not know that the take up of any voluntary medical intervention is less than 100%?

You sound like you're going to alienate your family by assuming your choice is the superior one. It's not any of your business whether they choose to vaccinate.

I'd suggest you mind your own business

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 12/08/2018 20:23

Its not really any of your business to be honest.

It’s of people don’t vaccinate and that’s up to them.

I do vaccinate but I think a hell of a lot of side effects aren’t fully disclosed or recorded

MissContrary · 12/08/2018 20:24

No misscontrary it’s much worse. Vaccination is a bloody modern miracle. It has saved millions of lives and people

Yes it has. But if hearing that someone doesn't vaccinate shocks people, I think they need stronger constitutions. It's not that unusual Hmm