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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think his behaviour was pretentious/ toffy??

252 replies

Summerdays011 · 12/08/2018 00:29

I've been on a few dates with a guy who ordered a bottle of wine at a restaurant and accepted waiters offer to try it, he swirled it on the glass then smelt it... then .. finally tasted it!! (I know this is the correct way to order /taste wine lol but it made me cringe??)

When I then picked up my glass and went to drink it he said "smell it first"... I wanted to throw it at him lol!!
.. am I over reacting???

OP posts:
AgathaRaisonDetra · 12/08/2018 07:40

LTB

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 12/08/2018 07:42

Honestly I think you're an inverted snob and lack sophistication, maybe he should have took you to Wetherspoons

*taken.

Stating the OP isn’t very bright! Grin

Not so bright yourself StirnerWink

Northernparent68 · 12/08/2018 07:46

If everything else in the relationship is ok then I’d let this go. No one is perfect.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/08/2018 07:48

The wine thing sounds a bit dickish. Depends how it’s done I think.

But instructing you to smell it? That’s irritating and controlling.

Madmarchpear · 12/08/2018 07:51

It's an affectation in my opinion and I'd be really turned off too. It's the whole performance aspect as people watch on waiting for your subtle approving nod. Cringe cringe cringe.

PrincessoftheSea · 12/08/2018 07:56

This is normal to me but like others have said not if you make a big song and dance about it. I always smell my wine before I take a sip even alone at home.

Discretion · 12/08/2018 08:05

Loving Sterners bitchy reply ‘Honestly I think you're an inverted snob and lack sophistication, maybe he should have took you to weatherspoons’

It’s taken darling. Not took. Maybe you’re a Wetherspoons kind of person

4littlebirds · 12/08/2018 08:12

Maybe he just likes you and he’s trying to impress.

flumpybear · 12/08/2018 08:15

You'd only need to worry if he spat it out into a spitooon after rolling it over his palette first

Monty27 · 12/08/2018 08:16

It's a £20 bottle of plonk in a restaurant that you could probably buy for a fiver in sainos. Albeit it could still be an ok wine. But it is poncy to do that. Wine

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 12/08/2018 08:17

I'll have...half a bottle of Blue Nun.

karyatide · 12/08/2018 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquesHammer · 12/08/2018 08:18

Not pretentious in the slightest.

Why wouldn’t you want to taste the wine before committing to buy the bottle?

PlatypusPie · 12/08/2018 08:18

My DH tends to do this- goes beyond a reasonable smell and taste for corked wine. I used to teach wine appreciation and there is a difference between what you do in a restaurant to assess and what you do in a full on wine tasting ( the aeration, the swishing in the mouth, holding up to the light ) are not what you do in a restaurant having a normal meal. Crossing the line can be cringey , especially if the dining partner either isn’t as interested or has shown no particularly sign of being so. At the risk of a sweeping generalisation, performance tasting does tend to be a male thing.

We will order a wine ( discuss or take turns) do a brief assessment of viability and check that it is the wine we ordered ( mistakes can be made ) . Then at our leisure, without the wine waiter standing there awkwardly ( not talking about a sommelier in a Michelin starred) we might note the nose or interesting taste notes. If we really want to taste something special we do it at home, without the restaurant mark up.

I had a basic knowledge of wine, from my father , but when I started to make my way up the career ladder and started having to host businesss lunches or dinners (in the distinctly boozier 80s) I felt at a disadvantage - and the wine waiter would also hand the wine list to a man, even when I was clearly hosting. I took Wine and Spirit Education Trust classes and turned out to have a very good taste memory, so entered competitions rather successfully. I became the go to for wine selection in my company, even by the old buffers who would otherwise think a mere girl would have no idea about it.

I’m not really interested on a hobby level now - my DH ( who I taught how to judge !) is still involved, but what I like to do is find good value in the cheaper ranges: the supermarkets have some very good buyers working for them. Tesco’s are my current pick.

Drycleanonly7 · 12/08/2018 08:20

I am surprised at the replies so far. Harsh! We all know how you are 'meant' to taste wine but how many of us do and have gone on a course for it and then instruct our partner in public how to do it? Just guzzle it back. And by the way I like wine and am not a McDonald's sort of girl as suggested by another poster. OP - I would find this behaviour pretentious and cringe too.

RoadToRivendell · 12/08/2018 08:21

Only you can judge how much of this wine-tasting exercise was showmanship. I wouldn't like an over the top display at all, but I wouldn't think anything of a middle of the road one.

DoinItForTheKids · 12/08/2018 08:30

Yeah, I'd see him as a bit of a knob OP and fuck what anyone else thinks on here.

Firstly there's the boring obsessive shite from people who are into wine in a big way (you see them on Come Dine With Me boring the bloody pants off their guests - NO ONE CARES how it's pressed by the feet of the virgins from the local village and matured in olive casks containing x y and z grape varieties!!!!).

Then, in this example, there's the excessive having to overtly show you that he knew more and he was going to milk that moment - but even worse, to then force YOU to get involved as well, instructing you. Ergh, no, that would be the last date for me.

Great, I go on a date with someone knows about wine (potentially I'd be interested to learn more about wine, got no problem with that) and they say "oh DoinIt what wines do you normally drink?" and I'd say "well I like a nice crisp pinot grigio, I used to enjoy Chardonnay but went off oaked wines, I like something really light" and they'd say "ah, let's get a bottle of the [insert name of wine that probably isn't stocked in little Tesco and is more than £7 a bottle], I think you'll really like it". That would be fine. If he then wanted to 'educate' my clearly defective ass when it came to the table and we had to conduct a joint swirling sniffing and tasting session whilst he extolled the tarmac backnotes and crisp melon aroma's, I'd find a place for the cork and it might not be seen again for at least a couple of days.

Presumably he selected the wine based on his vast knowledge and aside from discreetly tasting to see if it was corked or not, there was actually no need for him to swirl and sniff and taste and then get you to do the same - when he tasted it he would have known it wasn't corked, end of story.

And I'd be quite happy to not see him again and I don't care what anyone says about it - if he's like this over a fairly unremarkable bottle of wine think what a nit-picking type he might be in other aspects of his relationships.

WeWantJustice · 12/08/2018 08:32

As for am I seeing him again.. probably yes as I don't think it's grounds to dump .. will just hope he's not pretentious in other way

I am always astonished by the behaviour women are prepared to accept from men

He'd just met you and he told you what to do with your wine That for me, tells me that he has an unconscious assumption that he has some kind of authority over you. That is a much bigger issue than the poncing around with the wine glass. Pretentiousness isn't great, but it's nowhere near as bad as him believing that he's entitled to school you on a first date. To those people who say he may have just wanted to share the pleasure of wine and how to enjoy it properly with you, that might be acceptable on third of fourth date where you know each other a bit better; but on a first date, where you're trying to make a good impression? Absolutely not.

But hey, if you have a second date and he does more pretentious shit, do come back and tell us because it's hilarious Grin

nervousnails · 12/08/2018 08:33

It looks like the OP downed much of the wine. All the lol's between sentences sort of give it away.

Duchessofealing · 12/08/2018 08:35

Maybe he simply always tastes wine in the same way and maybe this bottle had a really lovely nose that he wanted to share? It’s all in how it made you feel, as you felt patronised then he probably isn’t right for you.
BIWI / BETRAND - I’ve also had the sommelier taste before we do - at Petrus they do this (I was horrified they were stealing my nice wine Grin)

diodati · 12/08/2018 08:36

DoinItForTheKids Wonderful!

VickieCherry · 12/08/2018 08:37

If he knows what he's doing and is interested in wine, of course that's totally normal.

I wouldn't have a clue so wouldn't bother - it either tastes nice or it doesn't - but I'd appreciate someone's expertise.

glintandglide · 12/08/2018 08:38

I find it unlikely that he needed to do that, but only you know what sort of restaurant you were in. If it was a £90 bottle in the mirabelle, yes. £17 in prezzo, well Grin

bengalcat · 12/08/2018 08:43

If he's already swirled sniffed and tasted and you're drinking the same why on earth would you need to sniff etc too . I'd trust my partners judgement .

BertrandRussell · 12/08/2018 08:48

Actually, making a big deal out of it is pretentious, but only because you’re trying to look more knowledgeable than you are. A quick swirl, sniff taste and a nod and a smile to the waiter without breaking stride is the proper way to do it.

It’s more of a convention now that wine is pretty unlikely to be corked or off. But you still do sometimes get a dud bottle.

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