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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think his behaviour was pretentious/ toffy??

252 replies

Summerdays011 · 12/08/2018 00:29

I've been on a few dates with a guy who ordered a bottle of wine at a restaurant and accepted waiters offer to try it, he swirled it on the glass then smelt it... then .. finally tasted it!! (I know this is the correct way to order /taste wine lol but it made me cringe??)

When I then picked up my glass and went to drink it he said "smell it first"... I wanted to throw it at him lol!!
.. am I over reacting???

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdays011 · 12/08/2018 01:14

Yes dirty... I think thats exactly it! I think he wanted to make sure I fully appreciated the bottle of wine he ordered which is a little insulting.. as if it shouldn't be wasted and I must fully appreciate it lol

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 12/08/2018 01:15

Well you've got a modicum of something but it's not sophistication

Original poster
Summerdays011 · 12/08/2018 01:16

Yes dljlr.. it felt more like he was putting on a display to show he knows what to do with wine rather than simply checking it's not corked

OP posts:
edwinbear · 12/08/2018 01:32

Corked wine is also a weird colour, you can see it even before you smell it. Agreed, if you are at a wine tasting and you want to appreciate and learn about different wines ‘legs’, tastes, smell etc, fair enough, the faffing around is all part of the fun. But a big performance over a £20 bottle of plonk is way OTT.

LemonysSnicket · 12/08/2018 01:33

I'm not bothered by it usually but telling you what to do is frankly rude

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 01:36

He ought to have recognised that you don't drink wine in the same manner as he does and let you just enjoy it.

It's a bloody grape. You're on a date. It's not significant.

And if someone like the lightswitch in the art gallery - they are appreciating the form and function of practical design. Good luck to 'em.

I think the Mona Lisa's dull.
I think Sunflowers is crap.
I like Vettriano.

We don't have to like, or appreciate complex processes in the manufacture of food and drink. We don't have to fear liking a steak well done.

catinboots9 · 12/08/2018 01:43

@Stirner

"took you" or taken you?

TemptressofWaikiki · 12/08/2018 01:43

My extended family have a small vineyard in the south of France. We may have a bit of wine tasting of their own wine and at other places. They are wine people and yet, when it comes to having wine with a meal, even they don’t bother with swirling and sniffing. They drink it and eat. End of. Ditch this dude. He is a pretentious wanknoodle.

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 01:57

If the wine's corked it can be rescued, but that's another matter - it's not 'off' per se - it's contaminated - one of the reasons screw caps are actually very good.

Also, corked wine isn't always obvious, and other faults are sometimes attributed to corking when that's not actually the case.
The entire process of determining if a wine is corked doesn't HAVE to be at carried out at the table - the sommelier could do it, but there is a fair amount of pomp in the ritual. It needn't be pompous, but it often is a tad 'showy'. Depends on the company you're with.

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 02:00

The changing of colour in a wine isn't due to corking, it's oxidisation that causes that.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 12/08/2018 02:14

For many people, the 'swirling and smelling' bit of drinking wine is just part of the pleasure. I probably do it sometimes without thinking. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone doing it to be honest.

SabineUndine · 12/08/2018 02:20

The carry on over tasting etc himself is fine I suppose if he wants to. Telling you to smell your wine makes him a prize arse.

WoodsBook · 12/08/2018 02:21

I guess some people are very much into sensory experiences, does he sniff all his drinks and food in the same way?

LavenderHills · 12/08/2018 02:23

Are you going to keep seeing him, OP?

thebewilderness · 12/08/2018 02:34

You have to decide how you feel about people who put on an elaborate show in public. YANBU.

PolkaHots · 12/08/2018 02:49

For many people, the 'swirling and smelling' bit of drinking wine is just part of the pleasure. I probably do it sometimes without thinking

Yeah, I don’t get the impression that this bloke was doing so absentmindedly though, do you?

I have a sniff and a sip to check it’s not toxic and we’re good to go!

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 02:53

Sensory experience?
How about experiences the lady he's dining with and take in some of her?
I think I'm missing something here, but the wine is way down on the list of interesting adornments on a date.
There is nothing wrong with being a bit of a wine aficionado, but the focus of the evening isn't really about the dining, it's about the company and making the other partner as comfortable as possible.

If I was on a date with a woman who knew much more about a subject that I did, I'd hope she recognise that, and didn't care, and as I became more curious, she could answer questions. That's far nicer than having your lack of knowledge illustrated!
And when you do know a topic well, it's nice to play it down a little and explain that it's really not so complicated and there's a lot of nonsense involved too - because that's what nice people do, they make you feel more comfortable about the knowledge gap!

Icouldbehappy · 12/08/2018 03:03

Stirner

Work on your grammar before you criticise the OP.
“Have took” - how embarrassing for you Grin

Doghorsechicken · 12/08/2018 03:15

Wow I can’t believe how many rude, pretentious people have commented. OP hasn’t taken an interest in wine tasting so he’s immediately too good for her? Give your head a shake, you’re appalling!

springydaff · 12/08/2018 03:21

He was showing off imo.

I'm with you, very off-putting.

mavismcruet · 12/08/2018 03:39

I think he likes you and was trying to impress you!

Previous dates/boyfriends (who clearly weren’t right for me) put me off by doing the most innocuous things. One poor man made the grave error of asking “should I be mum?” when we were having a naice high tea. I had to LTB for saying that!

When I met my dh, he did all sorts of wanky sweet things to try to impress me. They didn’t put me off him as he was right for me.

I’d take it as a sign that he isn’t your perfect match.

Monty27 · 12/08/2018 03:54

I never knew cork brewed wine. Poteen perhaps.
Are you a known troll OP because I can hardly believe the slating you are getting on here.
A 20 quid bottle of plonk Grin
Are you going for a next date? Wine

vivalafrida · 12/08/2018 04:14

Stirner you need a modicum of grammatical knowledge to go with that there sophistication of yours.

An ellipsis is only three full stops and doesn't need a comma...

llangennith · 12/08/2018 05:36

YANBU. No need for all that rigmarole to decide if a bottle of wine is off.
I'd think he was pretentious too. You're not seeing him again are you?!

Fightthebear · 12/08/2018 05:44

He’s a wine bore. They’re always male for some reason.

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