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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think his behaviour was pretentious/ toffy??

252 replies

Summerdays011 · 12/08/2018 00:29

I've been on a few dates with a guy who ordered a bottle of wine at a restaurant and accepted waiters offer to try it, he swirled it on the glass then smelt it... then .. finally tasted it!! (I know this is the correct way to order /taste wine lol but it made me cringe??)

When I then picked up my glass and went to drink it he said "smell it first"... I wanted to throw it at him lol!!
.. am I over reacting???

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 12/08/2018 08:48

My DH and I like to drink nice wine and treat ourselves when we go to nice restaurants. DH always does this, I think most do when you’re choosing something on the expensive side.

If however we’re talking about Ask, Prezzo or Pizza Express YANBU.

glintandglide · 12/08/2018 08:49

Well if you’re genuinely interested in the wine and the bottle is worth it the sniffing is More about releasing the aroma than checking for corkage

NicoAndTheNiners · 12/08/2018 08:51

Maybe he was nervous and trying to Impress you?

A male friend of mine has little self confidence and is always talking himself up a bit. It can come across as bragging and one of my female friends dislikes him as she reckons he’s so full of himself. When actually the opposite is true.

Bairnsmum05 · 12/08/2018 08:56

Jeezo if I’m offered wine-i just drink the wine 😂 I wouldn’t faff about with that and no way would expect a partner or friends to do it either! Have never seen anyone do this. I agree OP.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 12/08/2018 08:56

This probably wouldn't have bothered me if he was otherwise cool, but if it bothered you then you don't need anyone's permission not to see him again.

deepsea · 12/08/2018 09:00

You are not suited at all. He didn’t do anything wrong - you are not wrong to find it embarrassing if that is how you feel.

Don’t go out with him again. Pointless.

heartsease68 · 12/08/2018 09:01

You both seem to want the other to behave more like yourself. That's going to be a problem.

longwayoff · 12/08/2018 09:05

Find someone else who will take you to McDonalds

AnnaMagnani · 12/08/2018 09:17

It would be normal to me, whether cork or screwtop. It's not just tasting whether it's corked or not, it makes any wine taste better, even cheap ones.

Was he a poncy pretentious arse who thought he knew better than you, or someone with a hobby sharing it with you who thought he was helping you get the best out of your wine?

scottishdiem · 12/08/2018 09:20

Wine people like wine. If appreciation of something makes you cringe then perhaps you are not compatible.

Although life is kind of dull if the actions of people who like things make you cringe and you'd rather not see it.

TheStoic · 12/08/2018 09:28

I went on a first date, and he tried to teach me all about pasta.

He was just nervous. I ended up marrying him and having two wonderful children. Grin

Was he trying to make you feel inadequate, OP? Or does he just really like wine?

spanishwife · 12/08/2018 09:41

I think his behaviour sounds absolutely fine if you were in a top end restaurant drinking a special bottle of wine.

For a £20 bottle of wine it was overkill, as the restaurant must have been quite middle of range too and would have been out of place.

He's showing off because he likes you. Hopefully he'll chill a bit on your next date!

AnnaMagnani · 12/08/2018 10:13

Every first date I went on, a man tried to teach me about something.

I got married to DH because he was the first one to a) be interesting, b) listen back when I tried to teach him something and c) acknowledge when I pointed out he'd got his facts wrong.

HelpmeobiMN · 12/08/2018 10:16

It’s quite a normal thing to do with wine. Doing something properly shouldn’t be seen as pretentious. That said, i would have been annoyed too if someone told me to smell the wine first, it’s up to you what you do with it.

VladmirsPoutine · 12/08/2018 10:18

I would have cringed too. I just don't like the ostentatiousness of it all; considering it was a middle of the road restaurant and £20 for a bottle of wine is not going to stop the press.

BIWI · 12/08/2018 10:44

If it's a bottle of wine that has a cork in it, it doesn't matter how cheap it is - it could still be corked, so you should always be asked to try it first! It's not pretentious - it's good sense. You really don't want to drink corked wine.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 12/08/2018 10:52

You always smell the wine first. But you don't have to make a big song and dance about it. That would annoy me.

Was it an expensive bottle of wine? That makes a difference.

I also would not like being told to 'smell it first' before I took a sip. I'd find that controlling and patronizing. But again, it depends in the way it was done, which we can't really judge from your post.

Ginkypig · 12/08/2018 11:47

Iv posted already about the actual tasting of the wine but felt I should add that I agree with some others saying it's not nice of him to tell you how to drink your own wine. Again it depends on the the way he did it.

he might have been excited and didn't want you to miss out, then that's sweet but he went about it the wrong way or he thinks he is better than you or it's a very early little red flag which is worrisome.

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 11:54

Wait ... he had already established it wasn't corked hadn't he? So why did op have to smell it?

I'd have been annoyed at being given orders ... depends on how it was said I guess.

Also, I'm a pleb and only buy cheap wine, and never swirl it and sniff it.... I'd be cringing if someone did this on a date! Perhaps I'm an inverted snob!

TornFromTheInside · 12/08/2018 14:01

Believe it or not, a lot of 'taste' doesn't come from your tastebuds - it's from aroma. This is true of tea / coffee too.

There are reasons to enjoy the aroma of wine, but it's nice to discuss this stuff when two people both want to learn more, or one can pass on some of what they know to the other. It's the same with most subjects though. However, some subject areas are notoriously sexist and other snobbish (some both!). Art and wine are notoriously snobbish. They don't have to be, and I'm not claiming they often are, but they probably do attract a disproportionate number of 'high brow' attitudes.

daisychain01 · 12/08/2018 22:21

OP, It's a shame your first impression of you new date was him being snobby and pretentious, but maybe it was the way he came across. He may well have deliberately intended to be 'exclusive and niche', but it depends if he carried on that attitude through your date, or whether he was just guilty of trying too hard.

I'd have thought it would be worth giving him the benefit of "first night nerves" but if he really got on your nerves, probably best to throw him back in the river and try for a different fish. You know if the chemistry wasn't there, it isn't a crime!

Chartreuseveil · 12/08/2018 22:32

OP you don’t sound well suited to this chap. Find a Carling drinker

Maelstrop · 12/08/2018 22:37

bad manners to make a show of tasting wine. I wouldn’t bother for a £20 bottle of wine no,

No it’s not and you’d therefore rather be left with a potentially ruined £20 bottle? Bit silly.

PolkaHots · 12/08/2018 22:43

you’d therefore rather be left with a potentially ruined £20 bottle?

You do realise that if the bottle is ruined you are allowed to send it back, even if you haven’t done the whole ‘sniff and swivel’ thing at the start, don’t you?

MilkFuckingRules · 12/08/2018 23:08

I'd think he was a twat lol, I'm too down to earth for that shit!