To be a little bit sad that my DH is now a little old man

[Oldsu]

I do love him dearly he is the light of my life BUT
I never really thought of him as old even though he is 69, but I guess having been married to him for 46 years I hadn't really noticed as its sort of gradual.

Today I was waiting for him to come home, a taxi pulled up and an old man in a raincoat had to be helped out of it, it gave me a bit of a start when I realised it was DH.

Mind you I am sure he looks at me and wonders where the young girl with the hour glass figure went.

Its a bugger this getting old lark

19 years age difference between me and DH. He has lived longer than my dad 39 and mum 63. Make every day count and congratulations on your long marriage.

My DH died in February this year after nearly 50 years of togetherness. I didn't think he looked old (he was 74), and I still used to get tingles up and down my spine.

DH was 25 when we met, and I was 23 - he was 74 when he died, I was 72. We lived for each other....

My husband is six years older than me. He has recently had health issues and is cross that he has had to slow down and tires easily. However, that is not what concerns me. His stick in the mud Victor Meldrew type attitude these days is far more depressing.

Proseccoagain so very sorry for your loss, I do realise how lucky I am, I too would be lost without him - its just that suddenly he looked so vulnerable

Congratulations OP. I lost my DH nearly eight years ago. I often wonder what he would have been like if he'd got to his mid-6os as I am now and we'd been able to grow old together - which had been our intention.

46 years! That is fabulous - like building a cathedral brick by brick xx

(Yes I’ve just quoted jilly cooper)

On a smaller scale, I see people from school on Facebook, and wonder how they got looking so old, then realise that I probably do too.

My husband is 15 years older than me. He was 37 when I met him. Now he’s in his early 60’s. Fairly fit and I forget he is quite a bit older than me. I don’t think he looks his age and we have 3 children, the youngest being only 9. But I do find it quite sad that we won’t grow old together. I see old couples in their 90’s and know that won’t be us. But then of course I could pop my clogs in a few years anyway. My dad died at 56 I could follow in his footsteps for all I know. So yes, we should appreciate what we have now. But I’d love him to live well into his 90’s but only if he is fit and healthy for his sake. His father was 93 and deaf, almost blind and incontinent in his last few months, he was very unhappy. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

I also have been married for 45 years and realised that we change massively in that time. The person I was when I married at 22 bears no relation to my present self, and my husband at 25 was a totally different person. Sometimes we read stuff about love and marriages enduring. It seems to me it's about living and loving the changing person, even when they drive you nuts at times. Starting at 22 is a very malleable age. There are wonderful advantages in marrying at 30+ and I hope it doesn't make it harder to be the willow tree swaying with change. Compromises are made that my younger feistier self might baulk at. To my younger self I would just say "Choose your battles, establish your priorities, and never be afraid to modify them" For the most part I like being older, am still frequently influenced by the thought s of young adults, it's never to late to change an opinion

Such wise words Confused

This made me a bit sad too Oldsu it reminded me of my grandad who was once this huge, great, hilarious man then one day he was, just as you described, a little old man

Coming up for 52 years married. DH had cancer at 51 thought that was bad enough then a different cancer at 60 which is still being treated 13 years later. Do I think he looks old, NO, I think he looks alive and that's a definite plus for me. Treasure each day no matter what you or your other half look like.

What is sad is people having children in their thirties, who then go on to have children in their thirties so first time grandparents will be in their seventies. My mother was a grandmother at 45 a great grandmother at 75. I do wonder how it will all pan out

welshmist: this was the problem with my DPs. They had us from 30 onwards, and the first DGCs arrived after they passed 65. My dad had less than 5 years of DD.

This isn't a problem for our DGS. On his dad's side his DGM is 40 something, his DGGM and DGGF are in their 60s, and his DGGGM is younger than my MIL!

So people should have children in their 20s in the hope that they will become young grandparents?

I felt guilty feeling this way about my h until I read these threads and realise I am not the only wife who feels like this.

Very soon we will have been married fifty years. I will be 69 later in the year and h is 71. He used to be a happy active man.

Now two years after a heart attack and multiple health issues (most of which could have been avoided if he had listened to me!) he has changed. Like welshmist my h has turned into a real life grumpy Victor Meldrew - just where does this come from? Only today he shouted at a woman driver who was coming head on to us on a very narrow bendy lane blocked by cars. He got grumpy and aggressive insisting she back up. After a bit of manoeuvring he got past her and shouted “brain dead” to her. I was mortified at his abusive behaviour. I told him I hoped she took his reg.no and called the police (a little unlikely but I wanted to make him realise the consequences). I can hardly look at him now I am so ashamed of him.

I was listening to a Talking Heads (Alan Bennet) performance with Patricia Routledge. In the episode (Miss Fozzard finds her feet) she tells how her brother is living with the consequences of his self inflicted illness saying “he’s paying for it now, but what seems unfair is that I am paying for it too”. This is how I feel thoug this isn’t strictly my circumstances it still makes me think.

I simply refuse to grow even older with a stroppy old git and very frequently tell him to stfu.

All I can say is that is doesn’t get easier the longer you are together.

Me? I still feel young inside - even if I am slowing down a little bit. I am determined to value every single day and thank the universe that I can look up at blue or stormy sky and still think it’s great to be alive.

I was 32 when i had my first child. So if she follows suit I'll only be 64. My mum was 58 when I made her a grandmother. And now at nearly 60 she's still working full time and doesn't seem to be almost 60 like I said earlier.

I would've liked children when i was younger but I was with my exH and I'm glad we didn't have any.

I was 41 when DD came along ....

DH is 68 and I am 60 and we've been together 40 years. He always used to look young for his age but not any more, whereas I am , I think, a young looking 60. However looks are deceiving. DH may be stooped and grey but he's healthy and yet I am the one with health issues.

60+here, still think I’m 27in my head, mirror says otherwise🤔However I try to be the best I can be, eating sensibly, regular exercise and facials. Most importantly, positive open outlook. My mother is only 19 years older than me and thinks I’m vain for taking care of myself. She chose not too and is housebound, bitter and looks about 100.

This thread is depressing and nice at the same time.

Dh is 56, I’m 41. I worry about him. He’s fit and healthy now but the future worries me.

This is making me think of the song 'Prettiest Eyes' by the Beautiful South, which invariably makes me well up.

I’m 42 & my husband is 56...when we met we were a very active couple (18yrs ago) but my husbands ill health has made the last few years very difficult. I’m at that point where I’m not sure what the future holds. I try to carry on doing things with the kids on my own, while he stays at home, very much like a single mum would do & I feel very lonely. As others have said about their OH’s he’s very grumpy & I do feel he’s not looked after himself as he could have 😬

Yes this thread does upset me. My DM was a very strong, competent 60
year old when she died. She never really got to be settled or financially comfortable. She never took the cycling trip to Switzerland that was the only holiday she really fancied.

I used to work in the NHS and partly gave up because I loathed people trotting out the line 'old age doesn't come in its own'.