to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

Breadsticks
Nowhere in your earlier posts had you said where in London you lived.

I had supper in Blackheath Village night before last.

If your MIL is so dumb to think that your son is missing out by having access to Blackheath / Greenwich Park / the Horniman / Crystal Palace / Hilly Fields Park
you need to drag her out there and make her realise that you have a FAB location
and that she should appreciate what you see in it
please stop being defensive
Have you been to the new exhibit at the Rangers House BTW

YANBU
DH and I are in the process of buying a flat with communal gardens. We don't have any children, but are planning to. So many people have commented on how we really need our own garden or land if we want a family. Whenever we go to any of their houses they are never in the garden, even on sunny days... One of them there garden is just full of junk and all overgrown.
I used to be a very polite person, but I've taken more and more to being rude back lately.
You know what you need for your family. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, but I wouldn't blame you for pointing out a the things you don't like about their homes when you visit.

"Oh I couldn't manage with such a tiny kitchen how do you do it?"

"Poor kids with no garden, I couldn't manage it, I really couldn't, don't you want a trampoline and a paddling pool for them?"

"Have you thought about moving out of London to a bigger place?"

"Oh I couldn't have a bathroom with no natural light"

I've got loads more. It's so boring and the smug assumption that everyone must be aspiring to their home and their choices.

Just had DD cropping the blackberries and the french beans. in my garden

Had dd cutting salad leaves from the pots on the roof terrace for dinner and then some lavender to dry out in the oven and put in our pillows and airing cupboard. And? .

And as for MsMarigold's DH 😁; the utter smugness and lack of awareness of his views on multiple other families and their living arrangements are hilarious.

I don't get the obsession with having to raise kids next to nature. Does it make them better people? Are all city people heathens? Do we need to have been brought up in the country to be appreciative of life?

Bizarre.

I have realised that I am everyone's MIL on this thread

How Oh I couldn't manage with such a tiny kitchen how do you do it?"

"Poor kids with no garden, I couldn't manage it, I really couldn't, don't you want a trampoline and a paddling pool for them?" Yup that's me. Plus the actual gardening - they should have their own plants.

"Have you thought about moving out of London to a bigger place?" The global cities are amazing places. I love London, Paris, New York, Shang-hai and Tokyo. They are truly amazing in terms of the breadth and reach. Doesn't mean I'd be enthusiastic about raising kids there

"Oh I couldn't have a bathroom with no natural light" I couldn't either - awful. I also wouldn't tolerate a stairwell with no natural light. Everyone needs light

Plus the actual gardening - they should have their own plants

I was brought up helping my mum do the gardening and I fecking hate it with a passion. DS loves helping with the community garden at the park however and they grow their own veg at nursery.

As for natural light in my bathroom, after a c section I don't want that all, ta very much.

Imagining how my teenagers would react if I asked them to crop blackberries and French beans.
IME living rurally can be great for small children but less so for teenagers who don’t want to climb trees or pick blackberries or go for woodland walks and don’t want to rely on their parents to drive them everywhere at a time in their life when they want to be more independent.
DD has been going into central London with friends since she was 13 and is an expert at finding her way round on public transport. DS1 has conditional offers from 2 London universities. He has the option to stay at home and save money or, if he lives in student accommodation, he only has a 30 minute journey to come and see us.

We go blackberry picking along the abandoned railway all the time. I admit I have never tickled a trout. I don't know what that is. I could be missing out, but I think the reality is we all like different things and as long as we endeavour to get the best out of where we live that's fine.

Doesn't mean I'd be enthusiastic about raising kids there

Then that's probably a good thing you're not, isn't it?

Still negative .....
what are the positives you will sell to your MIL
FFS the Horniman is a corker - esp the new gallery

YY to gardening being a massive chore for many. Outdoor housework. I decided aged 18 living in my first student house that parks were the way forward! I do admit to liking sitting outside with a glass of wine, and I think it's easier for parents if kids can play out without you having to accompany them but for kids parks are brilliant. And communal gardens are amazing. I have a friend who actually moved back to her flat with communal garden after a couple of years in a million quid house with own garden

Ta1k I'm listing positives, will you get off my back and let me respond to the holier than thous!

My MIL knows about the horniman - we have visited it together several times, along with blackheath, crystal Palace, Greenwich Park and everywhere else. I don't need to sell it to her, I'd just like her to keep her opinions to herself.

So then why is she negative about your choices?
Why have you not "sold" it to the thread, let alone her?

You seem to have guilt about veg gardens
I love my veg garden - my kids sunbathe near it
as a small kid, Kensington Gardens did me just fine

Ironically, I've spent more time in nature since moving to London. I'm from a rural county and hardly ever went to the countryside if I could help it. Too boring, too few people. I'm in North East London, so got Epping Forest virtually on the doorstep, loads of marshes, parks with wildlife reserves, city farms, horse riding etc. Lots of activities on, so more interesting to me. It doesn't take me long to get to central London either, so I have the best of both worlds.

First time I ever saw a fox was outside my block of flats in Hackney. Never saw one where I lived before thank god as they make a bloody racket at night. We have plants on the balcony. Or if you're that desperate get an allotment space. My sister has a garden for her kids - swings aren't allowed as it might ruin the grass, they have a sandpit but get told off if the sand knocks over as it ruins the patio etc. What's the point!

Why have you not "sold" it to the thread, let alone her?

I don't need to sell it to anyone . As I said before, I'm not an estate agent.

I'm only mentioning veg gardens because, alongside believing that foxes and birds don't exist in London, pearls keeps banging on about them. I assure you even we had a garden there would not be a vegetable patch in it.

I have a garden but the only plants my DC have of their own are at their aunt and uncle's allotment. I don't think they are weeping into their cornflakes about this. They also share a trampoline with the kids next door which is placed on a borrowed railway embankment. Ownership is not necessary to have am enriching life.

Let's get onto light deprivation.

As for natural light in my bathroom, after a c section I don't want that all, ta very much

My house is full of light. I could not bear to have a room or area that does not have light. That is my choice obviously but light is wonderful why would you not like it?

I've had multiple gynae interventions (three miscarriages two ectopics and multiple scarring down below). That's just life old love. It doesn't mean you should live life in the dark because you're ashamed of your body. I'd much prefer to have the unscarred body of a 21-year old. But I don't. It doesn't mean that I want to live life in the dark though.

Cool,
then you need not worry about anybody being rude about our home

thread resolved

Had dd cutting salad leaves from the pots on the roof terrace for dinner and then some lavender to dry out in the oven and put in our pillows and airing cupboard. And?

Did you miss this bit. She does have her own plants, see above...

@Thesearepearls living in the city doesn't mean living in darkness. I'd take a slightly dark stairwell to save an hour's commute each day thanks very much.

Your posts are somewhat bizarre to be honest.

What do London has no light either now? We are all living in the dark? Tell that to the window cleaner trying to charge me £90 a pop.

@longestlurkerever £90?! How many windows do you have??!!

pearls

I think you might be taking my comment more seriously than intended, I do in fact have light in my home. My flat gets the sun all day. I do have windows, just not in my bathroom.

You do you and I'll do me. OK?

Your posts are somewhat bizarre to be honest.

To put it mildly!

I mean it's dark now, but it's nearly 10.30 pm so I presume that's acceptable, unless the fabled countryside is bathed in golden sunlight 24 hours a day.

I just watched a documentary on minimalism on Netflix, definitely worth a watch for some good answers as to why more is not better- both in size of living space or number of belongings.