to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

could not bear to have a room or area that does not have light.

Oh I think you'd manage alright if the property was all you could afford and was also in the catchment area for an amazing secondary (top 2% in the country) that was a suitable fit for your child with additional needs.

You see people have many varied reasons for staying in places that smuggards don't feel are quite suitable. It's just they don't want to share them. You look ridiculous on this thread imvho.

Quite a lot of pretty dirty ones that'll be staying that way. Affordable window cleaners are not one of my area's selling points, I'll admit, but there's a small business opportunity there for someone....

No DC but I live in a flat and have a garden. Bizarrely despite living in a flat I also manage to own a horse so I'm not quite as nature deprived as people think
No idea on gardening though

It is annoying that sometimes people seem to think you should impoverish yourself to fit their standard of what's acceptable... you need to live in London and you're doing OK without a garden or more space, so why should you strain yourselves to afford more space if you're OK?

When I bought my first house, it was in an area where a lot of people were a bit [sharp intake of breath] about because it was seen as downmarket (it's now super trendy), but the fact was, I could buy a 2-bed house there for the price of a one-bed flat elsewhere, it was really well connected on the tube and I didn't see why I should live in a small place just because other people would find it more impressive.

your son has a home to share with his parents - what does it matter? he is safe and loved and cared for.

fyi i’d have loved that growing up! i grew up in a semi-detached house in a quiet neighbourhood with shared back garden and i was always secretly jealous of the kids i knew who lived in the city in “cool” flats as i saw it

even now, id love to live in a tiny apartment in paris or new york. most people just want big houses and gardens to appear successful to others.

Why have you not "sold" it to the thread, let alone her?

Because she doesn't have to do something just because you want her to

Countryside living is overrated. I guarantee that London kids do more walking than those who live rurally. I grew up in a village and the path ran out 20m beyond it. I had to be ferried everywhere by my parents. In London you walk pretty much everywhere/jump on public transport etc

The thought of commuting far would be soul destroying. The culture, diversity and opportunities my DCs will have in London is amazing.

Look, you asked about gardens, I told you frankly that I thought that kids without gardens were somewhat deprived. You disagree. That's fine

You mentioned you had no natural light in your bathroom and that you could do without that because you were ashamed of your body. I told you that you shouldn't be ashamed of your body and that natural light is good

It's up to you TBH. You seem to have started this thread with the objective of getting posters to validate your choices. You get shirty with the posters who disagree with you. I do have some (real) sympathy with those children who are brought up in city tower blocks (or small flats) with no connection to nature and I'd genuinely like to make that better. You're getting angry with me because I am sort of agreeing with the thing that you are worried about.

I'd be delighted to welcome you and your children into our home and come and take some walks with us. We could take the dog and do the birdsong walk. There are blackberries now, all ripe for picking. You could come with us into the bluebell woods. The farmer's goats are getting all bouncy. He's got a field up for picking strawberries.

Look, you asked about gardens

No I didn't.

I'd be delighted to welcome you and your children into our home and come and take some walks with us

No thank you as by the looks of your posts on other threads we probably wouldn't get fed.

And I am going to assume you have simply chosen to ignore the myriad of other posters here agreeing with me, so I bid you farewell and happy fruit picking.

The farmer's goats are getting all bouncy.

I'm sorry, I don't know what a goat is.

Lol, well answered!

I’d be delighted to welcome you and your children to London, we could go for a walk along the Thames, stop at a museum, threatre or art gallery. You could bask in the history of London or stop off at one of the thousands of restaurants for any type of food you wanted......

I think the truth is that it's narrow horizons that limits children's lives. This can happen in cities or countryside and anything we can do to broaden them is to the good, and doing down other's lives is not helpful from either side. But a bedroom each and a private garden is not a prerequisite to a fulfilling life and anyone who thinks it is is guilty of narrow mindedness to the extreme. Most privileged children experience nature and culture and the balance between the two is down to personal preference.

Thesearepearls, the OP doesn't need you to take her anywhere, she can find all that you describe within easy reach.

A few camping trips a year takes care of the 'deprivation' that you think is going on. As does making the most of Country parks etc.

There are lots of inner city projects for those that don't have a garden, to take part in, if that is what you are interested in.

I think the truth is that it's narrow horizons that limits children's lives

Hear hear!

We live in a four bed flat in a city and we don’t have a garden

Tbh I do sometimes want some outdoor space when the weather is good. It’s a bit of a pain to have to take the kids to the park when you could kick them out into the garden and —enjoy a glass of wine— get on with the housework.

But they live in a good area, loads of friends, so much is walkable - swimming pool, cinema, park, shops, cafes and now my eldest is a teen she really appreciates the area and opportunities available.

And we have an allotment which helps

YANBU what is the point of being needlessly rude...DH was at PILs today and showed FIL photos of our new flat.. "I liked your old flat better. That one looks like a council flat" (Doubly offensive as I grew up on a HA estate)

I would hate to live where PILs live (East London) but I don't say that because I'm not rude.

Countryside living is overrated. I guarantee that London kids do more walking than those who live rurally. I grew up in a village and the path ran out 20m beyond it. I had to be ferried everywhere by my parents. In London you walk pretty much everywhere/jump on public transport etc

This is so true. We live somewhere semi-rural. There's a load of national speed limit roads with no footpath. And poor lighting!

I've had comments about our stairs being too steep. They're possibly a little steeper than normal but not freakishly so. And there's nothing we could do to make them less steep. Also our garden being very small. It is and there's nothing we could do about that either. I'd never make negative comments about someone's home as it's that - their home.

pearls Enjoy your bouncy goats. My poor deprived DS2 and I are spending tomorrow on the DLR where he gets to ‘drive’ the train, we are then getting a boat to Westminster bridge to hang out in the South Bank centre as they always have a free event on Sunday afternoons- everything from Mexican rock bands to Viennese string quartets and nobody bats an eyelid at toddlers running around or doing enthusiastic dancing.
DD is going to a giant inflatable obstacle course at the Olympic park pool and she is going to start diving lessons there soon.
Obviously it’s tragic and I’m sure they would much rather be picking blackberries

I feel you. I used to live in a studio flat last year and my friends would come in and piss themselves at the fact my bed was in the same area as my dining table and sofas. I was 18 and studying/ working part time on minimum wage, what did they expect? Plus it’s no one’s business but your own- as you said there are several parks minutes away so I’d be personally happy about the no garden maintenance and tell them to fucking shove it

@breadsticksandhummus

I live in the sticks with poor mobile phone signal and no bus stop for 3 miles, and it's 5 miles to the nearest shop, and 10 miles to the closest train station. Life with no car would be tricky! And I get that this would not be for everyone. But I do love it here.

After many years of living in a large town on a bus route and half a mile from a train station, me and DH just fancied living in the sticks. So when our kids left home, we decided to move to a tiny rural village.

I do enjoy the acres of fields and trees and lakes and so on, and all the farms, and I actually used to dream of living somewhere like this as a kid. And I have to say, people are very friendly in my little rural village (though I know not everyone is like that in small villages....) And I love our big garden, but I do love gardening... I also get that not everyone enjoys gardening.

But I also think London is an AMAZING place to visit, and love going there, and never ever get bored with it. (It's about 75-80 minutes on a direct train from our nearest train station.) And I can imagine it's a very exciting place to live. And I would never ever slag anyone off who lives there. There are so many exciting opportunities there, and great transport links, and career opportunities, and I don't know how ANYone can slag off living there.

Yeah it has crime and pollution etc, but so does every other city AND town, but London seems to have so much more going for it - culture, theatres, incredible architecture, art galleries, outstanding and exciting history, the underground, so many landmarks, and visitor attractions, so many incredibly beautiful sights, sooooo much. I would never get bored.

I also believe that there is plenty for kids in London. (To entertain them.) Country life is fab for kids, but City life can be too.......... life is what you make it...

Laughing at the idea of foxes and birds being only a country thing

London foxes are everywhere! fuckers even got through the bunjee cords on our bins which we used to try and stop the foxes from getting in

And the wild London parakeets are quite something

pearl do you realise how condescending you are?

OP is not the only person on the planet without a garden. why do you think she is so deprived? its very easy to grow fruit and veg in flats/apartments, since you seem so concerned about that.

Sorry I haven’t read updates, but I bet someone’s suggested the response ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’.

I don’t quite manage to be that forthright, but I do it very clearly with my body language. I turn slowly to face them, put a look of on my face and hold perfectly still for quite a few seconds. If there’s someone else around, like DH, I look across at him as if to say ‘Did you just hear what I heard??’. Then I let pity or sympathy waft across my expression and very deliberately change the subject as if to say ‘Well the one of us with MANNERS had better salvage this situation, let’s try to gloss over your horrendous faux pas’.

It works a treat on the older generations. The younger ones have usually pushed past me and are perusing my fridge by the time I think of it!!

Plain rude. If anyone were to comment on my home like that and think they knew better than me what suited me and my family they wouldn't be invited back.