AIBU: Dinner Party Host

[BeautifulSlang]

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

If im getting chips and curry sauce I’ll bring ginger too
In addition To the crispy rolls,and pickled onion
But I want cold butter on the roll so it melts into the chips & curry sauce

I would have expected them to bring something, but not wine if neither of them were drinking.

LipstickHandbagCoffee I thought I was the only person who did that with the butter!! I’ve finally found my tribe

It has to be cold.mmm.the cold hard slab of butter melting against hot chip.dipped in curry sauce
Who wouldn’t love that?
Ive got a hankering now

Aye me too and the chippy doesn’t open until 5

I wondered that too! Nouveau riche?
Yes, exactly. I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek, BTW.

It has to be cold.mmm.the cold hard slab of butter melting against hot chip.
Fuck, stop it!

Yes, exactly. I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek, BTW.

I wondered that too!

Fuck, stop it!

I know, I’m almost slavering

It’s too late Im away to the chippy.like now

ENVIOUS

It’s too late Im away to the chippy.like now

Ours isn’t open yet

I wouldn't be offended or expect a gift but I would always take something for the hosts.

I was offended however when SIL bought along to a get together I hosted (for her birthday) some bottles of sparkling perry that she had got free included in a limo we went in for her weekend hen do a couple of months before then proceeded to drink my champagne.

I am maybe a bit unreasonable about it but think I was on edge about it as a few nights before it was her hen do (night before wedding) and I hosted here as her DH to be had the men round to theirs, she bought her friends and DCs round to mine and not one of them brought any food or drink at all with them at all. I just had to scrape together whatever extra food I had in the house (luckily it was Christmas break so I did have things in). Was all really bizarre.

Gifts always appreciated, obviously especially wine but not expected.
Totally OTT to be offended, wouldn't cross my mind to be if a friend came round without one!
Smacks of entitled and a bit rude yourself, sorry.

Any wine you bring is for the host/s. It does not mean you are implying anything at all.🙄

Did they bring anything? Even if not drinking i’d bring a gift for the host - flowers etc.

I agree with rainbowsandsmiles and I think if you're going to be irked because a friend doesn't bring you something then better that you don't host at all because the objective is to make your guests feel comfortable not witness your disappointment.

Perhaps I'm just much less formal and my friends are the same. We wouldn't put up with this structured gift nonsense because it's clear from the thread that people are weighing up gifts given, mentally calculating the worth of them and judging their guests. I find that horrible.

OP asked the question so posters have responded but, as per, they take it as read that other people want their judgements too. I don't think they do.

I don't care what other people do; if it works for you then carry on but accept that your way isn't the only way and you are not arbiters of politeness. Let other people do things as they choose, whichever 'side' you're on.

I think yabu and quite rude tbh I never noticed before I joined Mn how many normal causal things like dinner at a friends house etc becomes such a formal event and require Gifts etc
When I've invited friends over for dinner I've always found it weird to be offered something, I've offered for you to come round and have dinner why would I need a gift for that? Maybe I'm the rude one who knows

Tbh I've never really experienced this IRL and don't know if it's that I'm poorly brought up or if it's just not a thing in my fairly working class area in Central Scotland. Not that I attend a lot of dinner parties but if I'm ever at a mates for food or vice versus, I wouldn't bring a gift for the host. I might offer to bring a course or pick up a bottle of wine though. Similarly at family meals, Christmas, other events, we've just all pitched up with whatever alcohol we want to bring. I can't imagine being so formal as to give or receive a hosts gift

If I really liked the people, I wouldn't have been offended at all, and probably wouldn't even have noticed.

But if I secretly despised them, if they were 'frenemies', you bet your life I'd be offended to the max, because I could be.

I see a lot of this on this thread, but not sure many would admit it.

Twatty - rest assured I really don't think this has anything to do with being from a working class area or from Scotland... I think ChristmasFluff has it!

It's mad to invite people round to your house/comfort zone, where they have to do the travelling to come and see you and you expect a gift from them in return for their efforts.

If they're not people you really like/know very well, just meet in a restaurant and have done with it (and then post a whingey thread on MN about who should pay the bill and we can all enjoy another CF thread).

I don't drink, so wouldn't take wine if I was invited for dinner. I would take flowers, chocolate or nice biscuits though.

There's no point taking something I can't enjoy!

You've completely missed the point. What you take to a dinner party isn't for you, it is a gift for the hosts. If they drink alcohol, then it is polite to take wine.

It depends if this was a dinner party or some close friends coming over for dinner. We host a lot, because we have more space than a lot of our friends and I love cooking. Usually I'd say there will be soft drinks, wine, beer, gin, vodka etc but if there is anything very specific you'd like alcohol wise you're welcome to BYO. As they weren't drinking I don't think they needed to bring anything, you host friends because you want to, not to receive gifts. If this was a formal dinner party for ten for example, or a celebration of something I would've taken a hostess gift.

Next time they invite you for dinner, don't give them anything either.

Or maybe they don't have you over if they're takers?

Also, the man could just easily have thought to bring a gift, it's not just the woman's job.