AIBU: Dinner Party Host

[BeautifulSlang]

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

As said we take wine, flowers, chocolates as a min what all 3?
I’d take 1 but no not all 3. Seems a Bit ostentatious try too hard

If she's overnighting she also always brings a gift for the mum, and her friends do it for me, also from about the same age, 17 onwards

At the age my friends and I often stayed in each others houses - taking gifts for either parent (or just "mum"?) would be very odd (but then so would not chipping in with the washing up etc.).

Obviously not a total consensus, anyway! I must admit, I'd always thought you should accept it as a gift and that it should therefore be admired and then put away for "special". But I had a (admittedly, pretty dreadful) poshboy ex boyfriend who was very into his wine. He would take very lovely bottles to people's houses and then bitch endlessly afterwards about what he was given to drink. This obviously wasn't good manners in and of itself, but has always made me wonder....!

I usually take flowers or some sort of gift.

Ds is allergic to flowers and I don't drink and most people bring me chocolates. But I'd never expect it.

I have never given or received a gift for children sleepover.thats a new level of preposterous
I send mine with money,and multipack of something to share with other kids
I’ve sent and received text and email to say thanks for sleepover

Plain bad manners to turn up as a guest with nothing for your host.

I'm not sure I'd class a 17+ year old as a child and I certainly didn't send her with multi packs of stuff, nor did I expect the parents to text me at that age. See I find that very odd. We are all different.

I never expect anything if I'm inviting people for a meal.

BUT I always take something if I'm invited (and most people who come to ours bring something - we ended up with more booze left over than we originally bought for one BBQ! Which was very kind).

Usually we'll take a bottle or two of wine but sometimes (if it's parents of friends of our 11 year old for instance) we'll take a nice box of chocolates instead so the kids get to enjoy them too either whilst we're there or when we've gone.

I never even think about it if someone turns up with nothing - it doesn't bother me.

DS is being brought up with the idea of taking something if he's invited somewhere. If he goes round to a friend's house to play for the day I try to get some biscuits to send round with him, depending on the notice given and how long he's going. If it's something arranged that morning or just for a couple of hours then he goes along without but if it's a day or he's been asked to lunch or tea and it's arranged a bit in advanced I'll try to remember to pick up a little pack of choccy chunk biscuits or something. It teaches him to think of others and starts that idea of taking something for the host. His friends tend to do the same.

As far as opening wine that someone has brought with them? We're not a family that has to have red with beef, white with chicken. I drink rose all the time with everything! So I'm not a 'meal matches booze person'. I tend to say at some point 'shall we open one of your bottles next X?'. If it's supposed to be a present just for us I've had friends say 'no enjoy that after we've gone' or something similar. Otherwise we'll all enjoy it.

Natalia - our friends are a mix of old money, new money, no money. Just ask them if you don't know them well enough for them to be cracking open bottles of wine with awaiting your permission anyway.

without awaiting permission

Old money, new money. What a stupid affectation

Bundle of primary kids doing a sleepover,so pack multipack they all like
Text and what’s app to arrange, confirm pickups,say thanks

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time, OP. I’d never go to someone’s house for dinner empty-handed unless we had a fairly regular informal reciprocal arrangement, whereby you go round and she reheats some chilli or she comes to you and you sling a pizza in the oven, and you’re both in your slobs and that’s that. Presuming that you didn’t actually gave it out with her, I don’t think it’s unreasonabke to find it a bit off that she didn’t bring anything. There’s certainly nothing ‘pretentious’ about bringing some wine, chocolates, a cake, a pot plant. Or Schloer. Can you even get Schloer anymore?

I would never turn up empty handed.

Lipstick, I specifically stated 17 plus.

has anyone said It’s pretentious to bring a gift?

You can specifically state what you want
I’m simply saying my kids take a multipack to a sleepover

Yup, and ostentatious if you take flowers wine and chocolate 🤣

That's fine lipstick so did mine as primary kids, but we are talking about adults.

Bluntness100 we're not talking about predrinks... we're talking about a dinner party.. they are two very different things. I maintain we wouldn't bring a bottle of wine if invited for dinner, we would just host them in return.

LipstickHandbagCoffee I said I was glad I don’t have pretentious friends. I think that’s where the word has been picked up from.

I didn’t say it was pretentious to bring a gift though. It’s wanky to expect one though, and even wankier to start a thread whining about it

modern manners dinner party guest

My favourite guest is a friend of DH's who is very into his wine. Rolls up with bottles galore and gets out the corkscrew. "You must try this....".

He came last week on Saturday. I proceeded to spend most of Sunday in bed drinking water 😂

I just don’t read or abide by strangled must dos such as modern manners list

I would not turn up empty handed. I also think its rude when people don’t return the invite.