AIBU: Dinner Party Host

[BeautifulSlang]

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

You invited a couple of friends round for dinner. I would never expect them to bring anything unless they were intending to plough through shitloads of wine as most of my friends are wont to do and then, yes, I would expect them to bring a bottle or two of wine. If they were just drinking sparkling water then no I wouldn't expect them to bring anything and if DH and I were going round to someone's house for dinner and just drinking sparkling water then I wouldn't take anything either.

Green, it’s a gift for the hosts not you
You’ll enjoy their company and their food surely?
I was brought up never to turn up anywhere empty handed.
Wine, chocs and flowers are a perfect set to take and I would take all 3 to a bigger occasion (dinner for more than 4 probably).
Usually we just go to another couple for food and will take booze and flower or booze and chocolates.
I once hosted an event at home for 40 colleagues. I said I’d provide the food and booze purely because I knew some of them would flake out at the last minute and I didn’t want the hassle of someone not bringing the pimms/chicken/salad etc and leaving me in the lurch at the last minute.
I never normally ask for guests to bring their own food and drink anyway but every single person bar one turned up with nothing
Now yes, I said I’d be providing everything but I was quite taken aback that 39 people
Didn’t think to themselves “I’ll get a bottle of fizz/bunch of flowers/box of chocolates as a thank you for feeding and watering me all day.”
I haven’t hosted for them again! What bad manners I can’t believe they have never been taught to bring something for the host!

I always take things to peoples house when I am invited - wine, flowers etc for dinner, champagne as well if it’s a posh dinner. If I am going round for coffee will take a packet of biscuits or cake

We entertain a lot and 90% of people bring something

I think it shows poor manners not to bring a bottle of wine or a similar gift if you are invited to dinner. Just because you are not drinking is hardly the point. It’s meant to be a gift for your hosts. Don’t some people know anything?

I think it shows poorer manners to critique what other people do or do not do.

I'm wondering where the faux-graciousness crept in? It's highly crass and I don't see it in RL, just here on MN-la-la-land...

I would never go to a dinner party or someone's house for dinner without taking something as a thank you to the host.

^Me too. And it is not pretentious, just good manners.

Clearly some people on this thread do not know what is socially appropriate. 🙄

Critique indeed. Lollol🤣

CakeNinja but those were 40 colleagues, not friends. It's hardly the same thing is it? I mean, friends are well, friends. Not being formally 'hosted'?

This seems a lot like the other thread where it went all a bit Downton-esque...

I think it's fine to say what you personally would or wouldn't do. I think it's unmannerly to criticise what other people would or wouldn't do.

RWT, you again? No, they evidently do not.

There is nothing faux about good manners. It’s automatic. I was taught how to behave and I never have to think about it.

CakeNinja you hosted for 40 folk and expected them to bring stuff,wine,chocolates
In which case, just say,see you at 7 bring wine,food,etc
If you don’t say and they won’t automatically bring

Unmannerly not to have good manners?! This just gets better!

Unmannerly is that a real word

I mean, friends are well, friends. Not being formally 'hosted'?

Just because it's not formal doesn't mean it's not nice to bring something along.

My friends and I tend towards very relaxed, simple dinners at each other's houses but we all bring something along nonetheless. And as PP said, even if it's just a very relaxed 'come over for a cup of tea' invite, the guest will almost always turn up with some biscuits or something. It's just polite and a nice thing to do.

Can I derail the thread? When someone brings a bottle of wine is it:

a) polite to drink it then as you assume the giver enjoys it and/or chose it for the occasion...or
b) impolite to drink it then as it implies that you haven't planned the correct wine for the food/didn't have enough booze in/didn't value it sufficiently as a gift?

I've never managed to come down on either side of this and have done both in different types of situations!

I’d say choice A given I’d think they’d chosen it to be mutually shared

I'm wondering where the faux-graciousness crept in? It's highly crass

This.

You've just invited them round for dinner FGS.

They probably just didn't think about it. You could make a joke about it next time you see them, if you think they're the type of person that would'nt be offended. It depends on how strong you feel about it. I would say also its a generational thing. Myself and my boyfriend are in our early twenties and wouldn't think to do that, but my parents probably would.

A) if you are middle class / new money
B) if you are landed gentry / old money

As said we take wine, flowers, chocolates as a min,

The host usually asks what you want to drink, I just respond with whatever, a glass of wine, or a vodka and coke, or a soft drink. It's up to the host if they open yours or their own. Generally though people open their own and yours is put to one side.

Where’s Crumbs when you need her? 😂

Myself and my boyfriend are in our early twenties and wouldn't think to do that, but my parents probably would

I don't think that's correct. My daughter is 21 and as far back as I can recall her having predrinks she's either taken a bottle or her friends have brought one, probably from about 17 onwards. I've not known her or her friends to turn up at their friends houses and drink their booze or eat their food and bring nothing.

If she's overnighting she also always brings a gift for the mum, and her friends do it for me, also from about the same age, 17 onwards.

Did you consult debretts Sparkletastic or are you making it up on hoof

Natalia - you can ask your guests whether you should open it now or save it for later. Generally our guests bring wine round for us all to crack open together and if it's not meant to be consumed on the evening because it actually is a gift for me/DH they will make a point of saying so when handing it over.