AIBU: Dinner Party Host

[BeautifulSlang]

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

I only take a gift for a formal sit down dinner party type of thing. For example, I’m going over to a friends later for a casual hang out and she’ll defintiely feed me at some point, but I’m not planning on taking a gift because it’s just hanging out iyswim.

Was this a dinner party or just having friends over?

Also, YABU for still thinking about a week later!

I think it depends on the dynamics really.

Some people are into all this 'hosting' malarky. It's all quite formal and yes, in that situation I think etiquette dictates that you shouldn't turn up empty handed (not necessarily armed with booze though).

Some people are more about casually having friends round for a bit of dinner and in that situation, sometimes you might grab something to bring and other times you might not.

Personally I prefer the latter but some people really enjoy the formality.

Mixed bag of responses here. Still, I think it's a little rude to not turn up with a gift, be it wine or whatever. I'd always take wine, but then again I'm a borderline alcoholic 😂

@CandleWithHair It was a sit down dinner.

I just guess my gripe with this particular friend is it's always take. May be that's why I was so miffed about it.

Worra I’m with you, much prefer casual! I would never expect anyone to bring me anything if I invited them round for dinner, but then I’ve never hosted a dinner party (my kitchen is too small!)

I think it’s rude to expect.

I usually take something when we go to friend’s houses, but if it was expected I wouldn’t.

I take a bottle of wine and/or flowers 90% of the time. On the odd occasion where I've forgotten to pick it up from the house or been running late to pop to the shops I am 100% confident my friends did not give a shit. That's why they're my friends.

In that case I probably would have brought you something, but given there are obviously some blurred lines in how people think about this stuff, I wouldn’t hold it against them too much.
So they never reciprocate in terms of inviting you over? Maybe stop offering yourself if it’s going to cause you negative emotions, stick to meeting in restaurants?

I just can't be doing with it Candle although I love having mates round to dinner and I'm lucky enough to have a big dining table (tiddly kitchen though).

I also find it hard to get my head around people 'hosting' family for Sunday dinner/Christmas dinner but that's because my family are very informal and it really is more of a "Do you want to eat with us?" kind of situation.

But everyone's different I guess.

Years ago my grandmother stressed to me that it's incredibly crass to take a bottle of wine to a dinner as it implies that you don't believe the host to have put in enough thought to have the correct wine with each course. Probably complete bollocks but it's put me off taking anything other than a nice pot plant or expensive chocolates!

It was bad-mannered.

I think it’s rude to expect How can you thought s be out of order. Unless you are a Catholic or in the Ministry of Love?

I usually take something when we go to friend’s houses, but if it was expected I wouldn’t How would you know?

How can you thought s be out of order

Uh, when you make a MN thread whinging that your friends didn’t bring a bottle?

How would you know?

Grabby people tend to be quite obvious!

YANBU. I always bring something to a dinner, whether flowers, chocolates, usually wine as we always have that on hand. And my friends do the same in return. I wouldn't bother about people turning up empty handed as a one off but if they're generally tight and all take they wouldn't be my friend as it's a quality I really dislike.

I'm more aligned to NotTheFord, Worra, AnniAnon's way of thinking. I would hate to think that if I had friends over for dinner that they'd feel obliged to try to compete with the drink that I had available - or my décor - or my after-dinner treats (because that's what wine, flowers and chocolates would mean).

I just want my friends to come (as Worra puts it so well), "for a bit of dinner" and company. No pretensions and no stress needed.

I read posts here sometimes about 'hosting' and expectations and picture a veritable army of Hyacinth Bucket's wanting to be seen to be 'doing the right thing'. It smacks of wanting to be viewed as more grandiose somehow and it's risible. I wouldn't encourage it in my friends. We give gifts when we want to do that, none of this 'it's expected' malarkey.

How can you thoughts be out of order Uh, when you make a MN thread whinging that your friends didn’t bring a bottle

But she didn't say that to the guests. So it was thoughts. How can thoughts ever be unreasonable?

But she didn't say that to the guests. So it was thoughts. How can thoughts ever be unreasonable?

Can you read? This thread isn’t a thought is it? Good grief.

x-posted with LadyFlumpalot's grandmother, with whom I heartily concur.

Mn is a really parallel universe were every social event is a minefield of etiquette and must do
In real life,you invite folk over they come,you eat,it’s fun,there’s no simmering undercurrent of manners

I just guess my gripe with this particular friend is it's always take. May be that's why I was so miffed about it.

Now that is very different. Not bringing a bottle of wine once-who cares; never hosting in return and never contributing- they are CFs. You can't be bean counting with mates (though clearly some here do), but ultimately if they are egregious takers then you need to stop making the effort.

I'm off to Lying's for lunch, armed with an Iceland Arctic Roll

the correct wine with each course whit does this even mean
I have red,white and rose,and some champagne in my kitchen.thats it
Really not into wine,certainly not to extent I think of what is correct

Mn is a really parallel universe were every social event is a minefield of etiquette and must do

Honestly I know people who are a bit like this; though not with the religious zeal that some MN regard these rules. I think it's a posh thing.

the correct wine with each course whit does this even mean

I put loads of effort choosing the just right box of wine for the right pizza. Some of us are connoisseurs.