AIBU: Dinner Party Host

[BeautifulSlang]

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

Now that list IS pretentious!

Fucks sake cook something, invite friends, have fun, they leave, you chill out.

See how easy it is?

I don’t arrive empty handed,no But I don’t act like it’s the BAFTAs handing our wine,flowers,chocolate

Surprised at the level of anger on here about bringing your host a gift from those that don't. It's a nice thing to do, good manners.

I wouldn't normally serve the wine a guest has brought as it won't necessarily go with the food you're serving.

However if they bring a bottle that's clearly better than what you're offering (though I wouldn't always be able to tell this) then it's probably good manners to serve it.

It is, I always do.

What I am annoyed about is the grabbiness of the OP, people with that attitude piss me off.

I don't see the fun in inviting people over to your house for dinner that you don't get on with well enough to have to abide by some abstract list of "manners". Much rather eat in a restaurant in those circumstances.

That frantic final hour of table dressing and disaster limitation is stressful enough without the doorbell interrupting your surreptitious attempts to stick the pastry back together.

Lol

Table dressing?what the fuck is that?code for getting cutlery and candles

Lipstick - that modern manners list (linked) is not a list of 'strangled must dos' but rather, at the heart of it, its about being considerate and polite

Years ago my grandmother stressed to me that it's incredibly crass to take a bottle of wine to a dinner as it implies that you don't believe the host to have put in enough thought to have the correct wine with each course.

Your gm was wrong. The wine you bring is a gift for the host not for them to serve with dinner.

I wouldn't be offended by guests not bringing a gift of something, but I would never dream of being the guest who brought nothing.

I was always taught that it was inconsiderate to take a bunch of flowers to a dinner because it means that your host has to stop what they’re doing to find a vase etc.

I would always take a thank you gift to the host, not necessarily wine but flowers or a plant if not.

Has anyone said it’s pretentious?

Yes. And ‘unmannerly’ is a word.

Cloaked article it’s strangled ,fussy and steeped in coded must do for folk to guess
Don’t say oh no, just yourselves . If This is actually code for "a bottle of wine”. Just say a bottle of wine would be super,thanks
Don’t make someone have to unpick a choked etiquette were you don’t say what you mean. Even when directly asked

So it’s apparent the rules aren’t clear, and it IS a minefield. There’s a whole other thread about a guest being irritated that the host didn’t serve the wine they brought.

Maybe hosts need to put in writing their expectations, make it easier for everyone

An old friend of ours used to bitch if friends turned up with red wine when we were supposed to magically know she could only drink white. I used to wonder what happened to the bottles of red because she certainly did not hand them back saying enjoy these at home as I cannot.

Put in writing?Then there’d be an unmannerly fight about the medium
How boorish it was not to use vellum paper and matching envelopes
How only the déclassé send a text

Put in writing?Then there’d be an unmannerly fight about the medium
How boorish it was not to use vellum paper and matching envelopes
How only the déclassé send a text

Feel free to come to mine for dinner (don’t worry, I won’t care if you don’t bring anything!)

Aye sounds good count me in,I’ll jump up to your bit seeing you asked

chips and curry sauce alright?

Mmm I’ll bring the crispy rolls and pickled onions

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Who turns up without something for the host? Really rude people.

Years ago my grandmother stressed to me that it's incredibly crass to take a bottle of wine to a dinner as it implies that you don't believe the host to have put in enough thought to have the correct wine with each course.

That sounds a bit nouveau to me.

That sounds a bit nouveau to me
What’s that even mean?new, what?

I’d definitely bring a gift such as flowers or chocolates or even both! It’s not cheap to host a dinner party and takes a lot of effort and time believe me. I wouldn’t like it if someone turned up empty handed when I’ve spent all that money and hours preparing and cooking food.

What’s that even mean?

I wondered that too! Nouveau riche? that saying always makes me think of Dorien from Birds of a Feather

Ooh crispy rolls!