Apologies for long post!
DH and I have been married 8 years 3 kids and currently expecting our 4th child.
We took FIL to his GP appointment yesterday, and they advised a repeat blood test needed. FIL is out of country 6 months of year due to work, and flying out of country on Saturday. I quickly drafted a letter to GP from him asking permissions for full medical history including bloods/results/appointments could be discussed with Husband, and sister in law as there have been issues in the past over communications from which meant him flying back unnecessarily.
I asked FIL if he wanted me in there he said yes, so I added myself too. (For background I usually sort out his appointments, repeat prescriptions, collections etc). Note we live almost 80 miles from his GP, and SIL has never done this in the last few years.
FIL took letter into surgery and I emailed it to SIL, me and hubby so everyone is in the loop. We then took FIL to hospital for blood test to be done asap.
SIL then messages me to say following
"Hi I’m not comfortable with the GP discussing my Dad’s medical condition with you at the same time that it will be discussed with Hubby and I. It’s not appropriate and it’s not right as we are his children. I’ve spoken to FIL about this in the past when you have suggested this before and he agreed that that is not what he wanted. I’ll speak to him about it again but there appears to be crossed wires here.
I say "ok".
At this point I speak to hubby who is in hospital with FIL and he says SIL called him, and he explained to her that FIL was happy for me to be added to letter, and consented, it wasn't done in a malicious/cohersive way.
She replies
"I’ve just seen your email. I’ll write back to the GP today once I’ve spoken to FIL to get the letter reverted. In future I would ask that as my Dad’s daughter matters such as these are discussed with me also before any action I’d taken. It’s going to now look odd that a further letter is done"
I replied stating it's inappropriate she contacts me and that she needs to discuss with FIL and my hubby. She states she doesn't know what's inappropriate and that she is well within her rights to have this view. I state the following.
"To be honest if you dont know there is no point in discussing it with you. There are many different ways in which this situation could have been dealt with and I didn't need to be involved in any of it. What is clear is that you clearly have an issue with me, and that's fine, but I am pregnant, and dont need this addition stress and attitude from you, so I would appreciate it if you don't contact me further. As previously stated please discuss with Hubby and FIL . This would have been the most appropriate way of dealing with it, as it is his medical record, and I only did what FIL discussed with me and hubby and followed his wishes. This is my opinion and I'm well within my rights to have a view too just like you"
She then replies "Stop messaging me then and stay out of family matters"
Heated conversations then took place later that evening between hubby, FIL and SIL, and SIL states to hubby that I shouldn't get involved as I'm not her family, and these are family matters, (but I'm good enough to sort out flight bookings, collecting prescriptions, take him shopping etc when needed). I only get involved in things if FIL directly asks me to help him with something.
Hubby states I am family and she doesn't get to decide who is family or not. She repeats about 10/20 times I'm not her family.
Hubby then asks if our kids are her family, she states Yes, but Your wife is not family. Hubby then states if I am not family then there is no point in any family relations, and that she needs to apologise for her comments. She says never. Hubby explains situation cannot be left as is, and things cannot just go back to normal after her comments. SIL doesn't understand and that they can! Hubby states that if she doesn't understand there is no point in continuing contact.
Who is being unreasonable here?