Lost birthday card with money - SIL insisting on a replacement

[deepsea]

Please tell me if I am being U.

I sent a birthday card with money to my niece for her birthday as usual, and it has been lost in the post.

SIL has sent a text demanding that I send another with more money, not only was the tone of the text rude and abrupt she also gave me the impression she didn't believe I hadn't sent it at all (I have been doing so religiously for the last 23 years to all three of her children)

My dh has been saying for some time he thinks we should stop now, they are all adults, the eldest being 28 years old. I suggested that the royal mail is not a safe way anyway maybe it was time to stop sending money now and just send cards given they are all adults (mine are much younger and will miss out but we are fine with that) she said no, she expects us to continue do this every year and we can transfer the money instead!!

We have two children and my two SIL have three each. All of them are adults and are heading towards their thirties and are not young. We have been generous over the years with toys for all of them, but is this going to continue? We are struggling to find so much money for birthdays and christmases. I am not close to SIL as she lives a long way away and she is hard work in every sense of the word.

Just to say she has missed my youngest child's birthday every single year barring one year (her first birthday) and doesn't seem to care very much about any of us.

Do I send more money or not? Do we carry on even though we don't want to? What would you do?

I don't mean to be rude but have you been a doormat all your life ?
Tell this woman in no uncertain terms to go screw herself.
And spend the money on something nice for your own kids....or for yourself.
Sending birthday money to grown adults ?
Just stop it !
NOW !!!

i would stop too. we give only give cards to over eighteens,

No way send anymore money, adults now, card is enough, it gets too expensive otherwise, and like you say your sil forgets your youngest birthdays apart from one when she was one year old, stupid, no more sending money, maybe a small gift for xmas or special occasions, it gets too expensive to keep sending money to people, no more sending money, no more of it, it stops now, you want to complain to the royal mail about the lost card/money and if you want to send money, send a cheque, much safer, if you do send money , put the money in a smaller envelope then put the envelope with the money in it into the card, that way no money can be detected, thats what i do if i sent money in a card, but safer to send a cheque, if they are adults they must have a bank account, so now on no more money sending, they are adults now they should understand, about time they stopped taking you for a mug, they see you as a money pit, stuff your sil, think of yourself for a change, you could use that money you were sending them yourself, things get too expensive to keep on like this, sorry my opinion take care christine

Ridiculous stop now, tell ur husband to sort it, she is his sister

Good op, long may nc continue, they have a brass neck, and more front than Buckingham Palace.

Don't send anymore money, sounds like she is pocketing the money herself! Chances are she did get your letter and is just trying it on to get more out of you!

Do the right thing send her and yourself a message "Grow up"

I stopped at 18. Present at 21. End of.

She’s a bitch. Do not send any more money.

I don’t see why yours should miss out if you’ve been giving to her children until they are in their late 20s, she should do the same.

op ... Your (nasty) sister in law is not only extremely rude, entitled, and selfish, but she is a THIEF. See my previous post. Please stop this now, for your own piece of mind, and your own childrens' well-being and sense of worth. Do not waste any more of your precious life on her.
xx

Is she your brother’s wife or husbands sister? Either way maybe you should get him to deal with her! Unbelievable! Just ignore them from now on!! People like that not worth having in your life.

To not send birthday money to your DC and at the same time demand birthday money off you for their DC is the very definition of CF.
Keep firm OP and YANBU!

Are you going to reply to her message telling her to fuck right off? If you want to go NC I'd make it nice and final .

I agreed with my children’s auntie we’d stick money in cards up until age 21 as that’s a special birthday.
Your sister in law is ridiculous, of course it’s unreasonable ;)

And btw it was an informal thing, no one was heavy about it. She sounds like a bully!

I'd text back:

I do understand Ella being disappointed about not having a present. knows how that feels as you have never sent her anything for her birthday. Shall we call it quits bearing in mind they are all adults, or would you prefer to do a transfer of 17 years x £30 to bring you up to date?

I am outraged on your behalf and I speak as someone that does still get gifts from aunties and uncles. They have been vile and rude enough without the fact they sent those messages while you were in hospital and conveniently ignored your child’s birthday.

It's really obvious those that can't be arsed to read all the OPs posts never mind everyone's .

YearOfYouRemember

?????????????????

The rule in our family is that your 18th is the last birthday of gifts from aunts and uncles that we’re not really close to 🤷‍♀️

You shouldn't be sending birthday money to adults.

There's no law on this. It's more sending a gift to a niece/nephew.

That said your SIL is incredibly rude. A gift is not a debt and should never be demanded.

Yes definitely stop

I thought people stopped at 18 too

*I'd text back:

I do understand Ella being disappointed about not having a present. knows how that feels as you have never sent her anything for her birthday. Shall we call it quits bearing in mind they are all adults, or would you prefer to do a transfer of 17 years x £30 to bring you up to date?*

Perfect 👌

Is she for real? I know what I'd tell her!

I stopped sending presents to my friend's children when I never got a thank you.