To be really annoyed with SIL

[alwaysthesameold]

So my LO and SIL LO both go to our mother in law every Thursday.
I’ve chosen to work on a Thursday but SIL doesn’t work.
SIL little one has been vomiting since Tuesday night at midnight so about 31 hours. Don’t think she’s thrown up for the past few hours though according to SIL (since 1am this morning)
I’m due in work at 9am and SIL just text me saying she’s still sending her LO to our mother in law today as she needs some free time after dealing with all the sick and she wants to go to the gym.
I’m refusing to send my LO today now as 48 hours haven’t passed, her LO will still be contagious and it’s my daughters birthday on Saturday so really don’t want her sick for it.
I’ve also got to phone in work and take a day off unpaid.
Mother in law refuses to get involved and if I’m honest her LO always seems to come first (not sure if it’s because she was the first grandchild)
Just having a rant really because I’m angry and SIL is selfish as always.

Yanbu, that’s very selfish.

She is being very selfish. If my children are sick I don’t let them visit grandparents in case it makes them poorly too.

She really doesn’t care.
She’s sent her LO with chicken pox a week before our family holiday so I had to keep my LO away.
She’s sent her LO on numerous occasions mid sickness bug, as long as her LO isn’t being sick.
She’s sent her with hand foot and mouth and impetigo before.
Every single time I’ve had to take the day off of work or find alternative childcare.
And MIL won’t say a thing. So frustrating.

she is being incredibly selfish, her lo won't feel well enough either, so completely unfair on everyone, except sil, your mil should be saying no to sil , as mil could end up sick too

Yeah MIL won’t say no.
SIL is very spiky and has caused huge family arguments before when something hasn’t gone her way and has caused such a scene that my MIL has been in tears.
No one will mess with her because of the scene she will cause.

I think you need to find more reliable childcare. If you work you need h
To have provisions you can rely on, your employer can ask for this.

Send LO at a different day for grandparents time.

You NEED to find proper childcare. Pay for it and then at least you’ve got rules and exclusion periods to protect you/your child.

Maybe get regular non family childcare if you can't rely on this set up? SIL is being unreasonable but it seems unlikely this pattern will change, given MIL is frightened of the consequences if she says something

We take children at nursery with impetigo and hand foot and mouth so your daughter would be exposed to that there too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Was going to suggest what reluctant did. We’ve had similar before when visitIng ILs - they forget to mention that X has been ill until we get there (or they’ve brought them over). Drives me potty as it impacts on us if our kids get ill. My SIL is quite prickly too and more difficult so MIL tends to go along with it as my DH is more easygoing. No real answers other than you aren’t going to ‘win’ this one so make alternative arrangements.

Yep I think I will need to find alternative childcare.
The nurseries here though all insist on a minimum of 2 days a week though and I only work 8 hours. So I’ll be earning £70 a week but having to pay out £120 a week in nursery fees.
Just frustrating.

To be honest, nothing is going to change. We can’t afford proper childcare. I only took this job as MIL offered to have LO one day a week.
I can’t change the day as MIL will only do 1 day a week as she has other commitments.
Just wanted a moan really!

How old is your child?

What do you do, op? Could you up your hours to two days to make nursery worth it?

Yanbu; your sil is being unbelievably rude and selfish. Your mil needs to grow a spine though, and tell her she can't bring the sick little one over. What if mil ends up with a vomiting bug?

Could you find a childminder? That would mean you had childcare in place if you wanted to work more in the future too.

Child is nearly 2.
They can go to preschool from 2.5 so only 6 or so more months! That’s if the preschool has any 2.5 year old spaces. Otherwise will have to wait until they turn 3. I was going to still stay with MIL 1 day a week and use preschool on another day and up my hours at work as this preschool take children just 1 day a week and are really cheap so only £30 a day as it’s a charity registered preschool. But I think I’ll just need to stick at 1 day a week and not use MIL anymore to avoid this happening again.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just frustrates me!

Can't your husband take time off? Perhaps MIL would respond differently if he had to stop working fir a day and risk losing his job!

Your MIL isn't a formal childcare setting so she can do what she likes. It sounds like you expect her to 'exclude' your SIL's child for 48 hours every time she vomits, which, frankly, I wouldn't do either. If you don't want to send DD, you don't have to. 🤷🏿‍♀️

My SIL used to send sick children to the in laws, in laws would catch it and then let me down.

I remember bumping into SIL who laughed at the fact that MIL had caught a sickness bug!

It was why I decided to use a childminder after that. It was a far better option! It meant we had no benefit from me working for quite a while but it gave me piece of mind as my childcare rarely let me down in 9 years.

You certainly don't want to be paying for child care if that's the case! Sil sounds really selfish but tbf I can see why mil wouldn't get involved!

Not drip feeding either, but SIL child already gets 15 hours free childcare as is older. They take this over 2.5 days a week and Mil does 1 day, so they get 3.5 days childcare a week and I can’t even get 1 so I can go to work 🙄

OP, you are coming across as quite entitled here. Your MIL is doing you a big favour. Your SIL doesn't owe you anything.

Obviously just different opinions. If my child was ill then I would not send them somewhere before 48 hours. I would not want them to affect another preschooler, or 2 almost 70 year old grandparents for the sake of me being able to go to the gym.
Maybe just my opinion.

Yep she is really selfish. I feel frustrated on your behalf

alwaysthesameold

I'm not saying she isn't being a bit selfish - she clearly is. But you need to get over it because nobody owes you free childcare. If you pay for childcare you get to set the conditions.