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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really annoyed with SIL

132 replies

alwaysthesameold · 09/08/2018 07:17

So my LO and SIL LO both go to our mother in law every Thursday.
I’ve chosen to work on a Thursday but SIL doesn’t work.
SIL little one has been vomiting since Tuesday night at midnight so about 31 hours. Don’t think she’s thrown up for the past few hours though according to SIL (since 1am this morning)
I’m due in work at 9am and SIL just text me saying she’s still sending her LO to our mother in law today as she needs some free time after dealing with all the sick and she wants to go to the gym.
I’m refusing to send my LO today now as 48 hours haven’t passed, her LO will still be contagious and it’s my daughters birthday on Saturday so really don’t want her sick for it.
I’ve also got to phone in work and take a day off unpaid.
Mother in law refuses to get involved and if I’m honest her LO always seems to come first (not sure if it’s because she was the first grandchild)
Just having a rant really because I’m angry and SIL is selfish as always.

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 09/08/2018 09:10

I'd pay for a childminder if it was me, I couldnt be doing with this.
SIL is a very selfish person but a lot of people are and dont ever think about others.
Also people at work do moan when people are having time off. In my experience people bitch like hell about parents taking time off to look after kids. All behind the persons back of course.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 09:14

It's unfair to blame the MIL imo. She would be taking sides with one DIL over another if she said anything.

Topsyshair · 09/08/2018 09:15

Your sil is being quite selfish. Though I can understand your mil not wanting to get involved refuse to look after her daughters child.

Seems pointless you paying for childcare if you're only working one day a week.

You might have to grin and bear it until you get funded hours.

Topsyshair · 09/08/2018 09:17

Sorry just read that sil isn't mils daughter.

Not that it makes much difference.

You could confront sil over it but is it worth the potential fallout?

Gazelda · 09/08/2018 09:19

I think you should up your hours to 2 days, put D.C. in nursery, get DH to tell MIL that you've decided to do this as you can't afford to lose your job.
It won't change anything, SIL will still be selfish, but it will solve the problem. Maybe the nursery will do 9-4 so not too many more hours for DC?

OliviaBenson · 09/08/2018 09:22

I'd be telling her not to come at the weekend.

Also, your husband should take the odd day off, it shouldn't all be on you and your employers. If taking 1 day to look after a sick child will affect a promotion, his job can't be that stable.

yorkshireyummymummy · 09/08/2018 09:23

Your sister in law will be one of those people who send their sick kids to school so that instead of one child being sick, there’s 15 off. 🤮
I can’t bear people wh9 are so selfish like this when it comes to kid being sick.
I would be telling MIL she wouldn’t be seeing DD on her birthday either after she looks after an ill child today- even if she hasn’t got it she could pass it on.
And although your MIL is doing you both a favour she knows that she looks after your DD in order for you to work - so she should be less cowardly and say to SIL that looking after her own sick child won’t affect her but you having to take a day off work has consequences. It’s pathetically cowardly not to have the balls to say ‘ no. I’m not looking after a sick child’.
All this talk of entitlement is wrong - the OP has taken the job on the understanding that MIL looks after her DD. SIL does not need her child looked after so why should she have preferential treatment? If a family member - e.g a MIL -says they will look after your child so you can work then they should fulfill that commitment .

BewareOfDragons · 09/08/2018 09:25

Your SIL is a selfish cow.

Your DH should talk to his brother and his mother, especially if it puts your household into financial difficulties when she acts like this.

Let him deal with them.

HotSauceCommittee · 09/08/2018 09:32

Yes, I agree with BewareOfDragons your DH needs to step up and have words. (And also take a fucking day off for his DC once in a while!).

SeaCabbage · 09/08/2018 09:38

You say that your MIL won't say anything to SIL but nor will you! The reason why she is getting away with it is because yes she is a cow but also you are not challenging her.

A passive aggressive text about how your child won't be going to MIL's becuase her child is sick is not challenging her. She is able to send a breezy text back saying OK!. What does she care? She's just glad you aren't actually saying anything real.

As it has happened a few times I would get your husband to sit down with you and her and maybe the other brother and have a grown up chat about the situation. You can cite several incidences where this has happened and you have to miss work and SIL's child has other free childcare hours.

Anyone can see it isn't fair. If SIL kicks off then that's her problem. Would she really fuss, if the two brothers and you were all sitting there calmly talking and discussing?

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 10:03

BewareOfDragons

Woah. Any financial issues resulting from this are not the SIL/MIL's problem, are they? MIL is providing free childcare. She is not obligated to them in any way.

PrimalLass · 09/08/2018 10:06

OP, you are coming across as quite entitled here. Your MIL is doing you a big favour. Your SIL doesn't owe you anything.

How horrible. Do people really think like that?

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2018 10:08

OP, you are coming across as quite entitled here. Your MIL is doing you a big favour. Your SIL doesn't owe you anything

Not entitled at all! MiL owes her fairness and she’s not getting it.

OP up your hours and use a nursery or childminder

PrimalLass · 09/08/2018 10:09

It's unfair to blame the MIL imo. She would be taking sides with one DIL over another if she said anything.

And so she should. The SIL is being selfish.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 10:16

It would be wrong to drag MIL into this PrimaLass.

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 10:22

PrimalLass/NannyOgg:

You both sound like ten year olds. The MIL does not remotely owe anybody "fairness", but even if she did, how is she being unfair? She is saying sort it out between yourselves.

IlonaRN · 09/08/2018 10:23

Text back that you won't be seeing her at the weekend as the child is unwell!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 10:31

SIL is very spiky and has caused huge family arguments before when something hasn’t gone her way and has caused such a scene that my MIL has been in tears

And posters wonder why MIL doesn't say anything?

OP I'm surprised knowing how SIL has behaved to your MIL that you're still annoyed with her for not saying anything to her.

It's your situation not MILs. She's just doing a good deed by offering you and the other DIL free childcare. You need to have it out with SIL like a grown up and tell her exactly why she's pissed you off.

Bluelady · 09/08/2018 10:42

If I were MiL I'd take a step back too. The poor bloody woman's doing both of you a favour, she didn't volunteer to mediate in dil disputes.

PrimalLass · 09/08/2018 10:48

You both sound like ten year olds. The MIL does not remotely owe anybody "fairness", but even if she did, how is she being unfair? She is saying sort it out between yourselves.

The onus is on MIL to say no to cheeky DIL: 'no I'm not taking your vomiting child so you can go to the gym'. It's not up to OP to tell SIL she can't send her child to someone else's house.

CF SIL will keep on CF-ing.

It must make OP and her DH feel awful that they are second best all the time.

Barbaro · 09/08/2018 10:49

I would have told the SIL by now that she is an ungrateful little brat that needs to learn what being an adult and a parent is. She doesn't work yet gets other people to look after her kid 3.5 days a week? Wha is she doing with her time off? Doesn't work and doesn't look after her own child. Great person.

I would tell the MIL that you won't need her help anymore since the sick kid is preferential and that since she has chosen to expose herself to not turn up to the party at the weekend since none of you want it either. Uninvite sil and her kid too.

Then try and get more hours abs get free childcare for yourself so that you can earn more and you have proper childcare.

PrimalLass · 09/08/2018 10:49

It would be wrong to drag MIL into this PrimaLass.

I totally disagree. MIL is the only one who can say no to having a vomiting child in her house.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 09/08/2018 10:50

It's extremely unlikely that your husband would be passed over for promotion becuse of taking his contracted carers leave. If he was, company would be acting against their own policies and the equality act. While I agree SIL unreasonable, it does sound like you're being a martyr about this based on your responses about your husband taking care of his child when childcare falls through tbh

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 10:51

PrimalLass

The onus is on the OP to make a decision about whether to send her child, when both children are welcome. There is no other onus.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 10:52

PrimaLass the OP has already explained how the SIL has made her MIL cry due to her behaviour. It is not down to MIL to state that the sick child can't go to her house! The other SIL needs it spelling out to her by her brother and SIL that her actions are selfish and unfair.

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