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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:
MsBagelLady · 08/08/2018 16:24

Ambs81 How well do you get on with your FSIL?

CobwebKate · 08/08/2018 16:24

I’ve been married for 13 years OP and still haven’t changed my name. It’s just not for me, but I have no problem with other people doing it, I’m the one going against the norm and it’s no one else’s business what a person calls themselves.

Most people don’t change their names on social media before they get married but someone being slightly different to the norm doesn’t mean that she is deserving of the comments you have made about her. She is actually getting married next week and it will be her name. I know people on social media who name themselves after celebrities, or just call themselves completely random things. I also know people who name their babies long before the birth and announce said name, which you suggested would also be weird. None of these things I would do, but I couldn’t care less if other people do. Maybe just concentrate on doing the flowers and spend less time bitching about the fact that someone is obviously excited to get married as I’m guessing much of your business relies on people being quite keen on marriage.

Lalliella · 08/08/2018 16:29

Minge please can you advise how do you go about changing your name? I just want to add a middle name (it’s my unofficial middle name, I want to make it legit)

OP the only thing weird in your posts is your attitude towards your SIL. Also - BTB has changed her name, her SILTB is doing the flowers, possibly a little bit identifying if SIL is also on MN......

Pebblesandfriends · 08/08/2018 16:30

If sounds like you don't like her. She's obviously excited and organised and can't wait to marry your brother - exactly what I would want a future sister in law to be.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 08/08/2018 16:36

Legally you can change your name just by saying right I'm now Laliella Jane Smith not Laliella Smith. Nothing else required. Arguably you've done it already. In practice, companies and institutions like paper trails, so I'd do a change of name deed. You don't send it anywhere specific, just provide people who want one with a copy. Loads of free ones online, no need to pay a solicitor unless you particularly want to.

ClaryFray · 08/08/2018 16:38

The heat really brings them out on mumsnet. Yabu OP and frankly judgemental.

OctaviaOctober · 08/08/2018 16:42

I think it's weird you changed your name when you didn't want to. Each to their own...

Valanice1989 · 08/08/2018 16:44

OP, you sound utterly OBSESSED with this woman. "Bunny boiler"? FFS. I feel sorry for her if her own sister-in-law is going to analyse everything she does to this extent.

JoyceDivision · 08/08/2018 16:46

Maybe they snuck off and married early and you weren't invited?

HarshingMyMellow · 08/08/2018 16:47

Disappointed in your brothers choice of wife by any chance?

Funnily enough, she can do whatever she likes on her social media.
I think it's sweet that she's so excited to be a part of your family.

Shame the feelings not mutual though.
Poor woman.

Wolf1826 · 08/08/2018 16:47

People on this thread make out you can call yourself anything anywhere anytime.

Yeeeeeees. Because that's an accurate assessment of your legal rights relating to names changing.

You can change your name without getting married, and people do all the time. Organisations can ask for paperwork, but it's not required by the law and it most certainly doesn't need to be a marriage certificate. I could call myself Mrs YourDBsSurname as of today if I wanted, provided my intention wasn't to deceive. Should I wish to obtain a new passport in that name, the passport office would not be allowed to insist on a marriage certificate. Because I wouldn't need one in order to change my name.

This

HarshingMyMellow · 08/08/2018 16:48

As an aside, who goes on Facebook on their wedding day?? Even if it is to change their name.

HmmHmm

loveyoutothemoon · 08/08/2018 16:53

Do you like her?

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 17:00

Definitely think there’s some jealousy here about the SIL ‘taking’ OP’s old name.

alligatorsmile · 08/08/2018 17:02

If it helps, imagine two circles. They are entirely separate and do not overlap. One represents "Your business" and the other represents "Not your business". Guess which one this falls into. (Hint: it, quite literally, isn't your business)

Bramble71 · 08/08/2018 17:05

Anyone can call themselves anything they like, providing it's not for fraudulent purposes.

Sounds like she's just excited. No need to be so judgemental.

HaveSomeGrace · 08/08/2018 17:05

I changed my surname to that of my husband the January before my wedding in August. And yes, my name written in the spinster box is what my name is now and yes it causes a lot of confusion but there are various ‘real’ reasons that I won’t put on here but I guess that makes me a ‘bunny boiler’ too?!

Osirus · 08/08/2018 17:06

To change bank account you need to show a marriage cert and bill in new name, its pretty hard to organise - the culture certainly isn't 'call yourself what you like when you like'

No, OP, you don’t. If you want to change to your married name you need to show your MC to some organisations, but by no means all.

You certainly don’t need to show a bill in your new name.

imip · 08/08/2018 17:07

Just for the record, I kept my name when I got married 14 years ago. I have 4 dc with the same surname as DH. It’s really fine, they don’t ask questions, they are not concerned. It seems to be strange to be so ‘traditional’ about this when other ‘traditions’ such as having children after marriage obviously isn’t an issue for you.

I’m not knocking any of these things, but I just find a pick n mix of traditions a bit strange.

Bluelady · 08/08/2018 17:10

Well OP reckons you need your mc for council tax purposes which illustrates how far from the real world she lives.

SandyY2K · 08/08/2018 17:19

If a friend did it...the only thing I'd think is she's a bit keen...as one should be when getting married. Although it's not something I would do myself. I'm a bit superstitious.

I tested out a new signature with my married name before I got married...perhaps that's weird to you too.

Rachie1973 · 08/08/2018 17:21

Ambs81

(maybe i'm just a bit old school)

Sure do what you like - but sometimes people have these little tradions and customs because it keeps events special and meaningful.

Really? Like having your kids after marriage so they have the same surname as you?

You don't get to pick and choose which bits are important

BunsOfAnarchy · 08/08/2018 17:28

So. Fucking. What

Grow up OP. Be a better example for your kids for crying out loud.

Maybugger · 08/08/2018 17:28

You sound very spiteful and almost jealous of her. I wonder if she realises what she's got for a SIL?
Poor girl.
Perhaps you could have the decency to not attend the wedding as clearly you look down on her.

Takfujimoto · 08/08/2018 17:30

Just say it op.

You hate her guts.

You'll feel better once it's out.

YABU though.

I'm reading this thread like HmmWink