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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:
PeakPants · 08/08/2018 16:01

I don't get it, I wouldn't change my job title 9 days before I started a new job or promotion.

Actually LOADS of people do this. I have seen countless 'Future Pupil Barrister' and 'Future Trainee Solicitor' on LinkedIn.

LoveInTokyo · 08/08/2018 16:01

A friend of mine started a new job a few months before she was due to get married and she started using her married name for work straight away so she wouldn't have to change it later. I can see the logic in that tbh.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 08/08/2018 16:02

If an engaged friend asked you 'when is the best time to update your work email address, facebook profile, instagram name to their new married name'

no one would ever reply 'do it a week before', because its weird

No one would ever reply anything, because no one would ever be asked that question in real life, surely? On account of how it doesn't matter and no one actually cares

FruitOnAPlatter · 08/08/2018 16:02

no one would ever reply 'do it a week before', because its weird

Really? I'd registered an email address in my son's name before he was registered.. and for the second one, we'd been calling him a different name to the one on his birth certificate for ages before we got it deedpolled and applied for his passport in the new name - I can't see the issue with getting all the ducks in a row early personallly.

BitchQueen90 · 08/08/2018 16:02

The fact that it seems to bother you so much is the only weird thing to be honest. She can do what she likes, it's her life and her name.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 16:02

Weirdly, I'm not a massive social media user!

I don't use facebook other than a business account (i'm a florist - and yes i am doing the flowers next week!!)

Another family member sent a screenshot that said 'bit odd?'

And i thought yeah, it is...

obvisouly mumsnet don't agree!

OP posts:
Sunflowersforever · 08/08/2018 16:02

Jealous much?

Feeling a bit replaced?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 08/08/2018 16:03

would you throw your bouquet a week before the wedding?

Oh stop it now, you're getting sillier and sillier

KateAdiesEarrings · 08/08/2018 16:04

I'm not sure a facebook update has any relation to whether it's a 'traditional church wedding' Grin
OP you're a Star . Why not post about everything else she does to annoy you? I think it would be beneficial to get it off your chest on MN before the wedding Wink

redexpat · 08/08/2018 16:05

Yes its a bit odd. But heres a question: why did you change your name if doing so was so gutting?

SoyDora · 08/08/2018 16:05

would you throw your bouquet a week before the wedding?

Well no, I didn’t throw mine at all. Just like I didn’t change my name. But other people can do what they want!

TheIcon · 08/08/2018 16:05

Since when has a star emoji meant "twat"?

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 16:08

Wow!! You are massively obsessed with your SIL!! You’ve some serious immaturity problems. You need to look into why you get so upset with her.

To change bank account you need to show a marriage cert and bill in new name

No. Loads of people change their names without a marriage certificate.

anitagreen · 08/08/2018 16:08

It is not weird. I honestly am shocked you'd even have an issue with it?. You seem quite a cuntish person tbh

lilyheather1 · 08/08/2018 16:09

Still no answer regarding whether your SIL will be taking your old surname. Are you sure your reactions don't stem from being a bit miffed that she'll have the surname that you don't?

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 16:09

@ambs - c’mon that analogy doesn’t work!

If you hadnt mentioned words like “desperate, bunny boiler” etc - people probably would have said - “yeah it’s a bit unusual” but your tone isn’t nice which is what posters have picked up on.

DobbyisFREE · 08/08/2018 16:12

The first thing I thought when I saw this thread was what a good idea! Do all the boring admin stuff before the wedding then sit back and enjoy your wedding and honeymoon without a care in the world and nothing more to do.

I'd probably be more inclined to do the social media stuff after the wedding but the legal stuff before if possible and yes I would have a bit of a Hmm moment at seeing a name change beforehand. I'd probably dismiss it within seconds and think she was just excited and sweet though.

PositiveVibez · 08/08/2018 16:12

I am just so confused as to why it has got under your skin so much. 7 pages later and you are still bleating on about it.

You sound like a bunny boiler!!!!

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 08/08/2018 16:13

Minge how is changing your name after marriage weird?

Where did I say it was?

Meh. I'm with the Op. Hate married name changes

You're not with the OP then, because she doesn't. In fact she thinks at least some of them are special and meaningful. She just thinks they should be done at a particular time.

Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 16:14

No one would ever reply anything, because no one would ever be asked that question in real life, surely? On account of how it doesn't matter and no one actually cares

Exactly

Howhot · 08/08/2018 16:14

I think you're putting FAR more thought into this than she has and if you feel so strongly over this I feel sorry for what she has to come

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 16:16

In fact she thinks at least some of them are special and meaningful. She just thinks they should be done at a particular time.

Yes as tradition states Grin “the great Facebook name change ceremony may take place at the stroke of midnight on the day of the wedding and not a moment before”

Glumglowworm · 08/08/2018 16:16

Let it goooooooooooooo

Fabricwitch · 08/08/2018 16:21

YABVU
And you seem way too focused on keeping that one day so special. The wedding day isn't that important in the long run, the marriage is. And if changing her name is an important part of her marriage for her and she got a little over excited then so what?
And I know unmarried couples who use the same name, married couples who use their own names, people who had their party a week before or a week after they officially got married.

SoozC · 08/08/2018 16:21

I got married a year ago but haven't changed my name on Facebook yet... I'm guessing now that this is a weird thing to do because by your reckoning I should have done it during the day itself I wasn't on Facebook that day as I was too busy having a good time. Am I even married?! Shock

I started a new job (teacher) just after I married and went in beforehand to meet parents/pupils and it was all done in my married name. Just easier for everyone. I don't think anyone thought it was weird. We moved and I signed up to the doctors and dentist and library in my married name yet we weren't married for several weeks.

By your account, OP, I am "odd". That's fine with me. I'd rather be odd than someone who gets bothered about someone else changing their Facebook name. I don't give a stuff what people call themselves on there.

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