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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 08/08/2018 14:49

It's being over excited but no harm is done. On the other hand, you're bitching about it now and I can't see how that helps.

Nebularin · 08/08/2018 14:49

A bunny boiler! That's a bit much.

Neshoma · 08/08/2018 14:49

Did you tell she had to conform to you views and opinions?

Not all women are raging feminists. She women like to be married and to change their surname, and want to be chained to the kitchen sink.

AnoukSpirit · 08/08/2018 14:50

Who the fuck cares?

MongerTruffle · 08/08/2018 14:50

she can't do it legally until she has the marriage certificate
You're allowed to call yourself whatever you want (unless you do it for malicious purposes).

SoyDora · 08/08/2018 14:50

I think it just ‘reeks’ of over excitement. How lovely for her.
Is there a back story as to why you dislike her so much?

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 14:51

Harsh to call her a bunny boiler. They’re getting married so it’s not like she’s misread the level of commitment. Just sounds like she’s excited. And presumably the people whose opinions she cares about are invited to the wedding so what does it matter if other people think she’s married already?

Original poster

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:52

I just think it's weird - I was a bit gutted to change my surname.
I just saw it as almost the admin part of it.
Had we not had kids when we got married I probably would've kept my maiden name for a bit at least.
I just think its strange to be so keen to wave you're surname bye that you change it over a week before.
I can't believe in 2018 a women would be so desperate to be seen as married by social media networks of friends and family they'd preemptively make that update.
It's like she's sending out a precurser of 'I'm getting married' when surely friends and family know this.
I think it takes something away from the 'specialness' of the day, getting your marriage certificate etc.

OP posts:

BrokenWing · 08/08/2018 14:53

pretty clear you don't like your future SIL do you?

LoveInTokyo · 08/08/2018 14:53

OP, yes it comes across as a bit immature and overexcited. And yes, it could make matters worse if for some reason the wedding doesn't go ahead. But I think you should live and let live. She's clearly excited to be joining your family. Don't judge her for it. Make her welcome.

Hissy · 08/08/2018 14:53

'bunny boiler' ? Bless you OP - you haven't been on Mumsnet for long then if you think this proves your SIL-to-be is anything other than excited.

BettyBooper · 08/08/2018 14:54

To be fair, if someone I knew did this I might be a bit but going from that to 'bunny boiler' is a bit of a stretch. I think you lost your audience with that one....

CruCru · 08/08/2018 14:54

I did this a few months before my wedding. I was setting up an email account and FB (it was ten years ago) so used what would be my new name. Meh.

Hissy · 08/08/2018 14:55

I think it takes something away from the 'specialness' of the day, getting your marriage certificate etc.

That is YOUR opinion. it's none of your business ultimately and you sound really mean tbh

Original poster

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:55

@Trumpodious

You can't change your bank and passport until you get your marriage cert, on the day of the wedding.

OP posts:

Prettysureitsnotok · 08/08/2018 14:55

I can think of very few things which matter even less than this

She's excited. That's a good thing. Other people's happiness is a good thing. Maybe try saying that into a mirror 20 times before bed.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2018 14:55

I think it reeks of immaturity and insecurity.

That's exactly how I feel about this thread.

Your poor future SIL. She can choose her husband but she's gonna get stuck with you as a relative.

Nicknacky · 08/08/2018 14:55

Changing her name on fb isn't going to take any of the specialness of her wedding day away, don't be ridiculous

Porridgeprincess · 08/08/2018 14:55

Is there any chance they may have had a private ceremony before the actual day, so might be married?

She obviously is just very excited. i personally wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't think that it is an immature or insecure way to be either.

missperegrinespeculiar · 08/08/2018 14:57

iF you were gutted why did you change it? it's not compulsory. I would have never done it, I am me, not Mrs somebody. But some women like to do it, clearly she does, and you must at some level, too, to have decided to do it?

If you are feeling ambiguous about it you can always go back to your maiden name, or everybody double barrel if you want the whole family to have the same surname? but don't take your frustration out on her!

Ohlellykelly · 08/08/2018 14:57

I just think its strange to be so keen to wave you're surname bye that you change it over a week before

Actually some people don't like their surname, whether it's awkward to pronounce, spell, or comes with an association they would like to escape.

We aren't all the same as each other.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 08/08/2018 14:57

Is their upcoming wedding definitely the legal wedding? Could they have gone to a registry office already and just be having a celebration next week?

CruCru · 08/08/2018 14:57

You can change your name on your passport before the wedding if you like. A friend changed her name to her partner's (they aren't married) and her new name is on all her legal documents.

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 14:57

I just think you sound mean and over-invested in a decision that doesn’t affect you at all. I actually find your scrutiny of it much weirder than her doing it in the first place.

Original poster

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:57

It takes about 30secs to change your name in profile - why not do it on your wedding day?

OP posts:

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