Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 19:37

Thanks @bettybooper

I didn't word my OP well though, so deserve some of it BUT not nice that people have even stooped as low as to call me a bad mother that my children should saved from!

She is a bit of a bridezilla, just overzealous with everything with 99% of it I just eye roll but this just grated me!

I also find it strange that people presume I'm jealous of her, because I'm annoyed that she's done this. Women always presume that women are jealous of eachother! if my brother had done it would people continually say 'jealous of her?? is he more attractive than you'

But for a women to be critical of another womans actions it must be because she is prettier than me?? (hmm)

OP posts:
Bibesia · 08/08/2018 19:40

I would view changing my name before marriage as giving a bit of a hostage to fortune. If for any reason the wedding didn't go ahead the fact that you had to change your name back would make it all that bit worse.

mimibunz · 08/08/2018 19:44

You’re not “old school”, if you were then you wouldn’t have had your children before you got married.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 19:47

mimibunz

I meant old school as in facebook etc.

I only post things for work, so didn't know if this was something people did now or not.

I don't think having kids before marriage makes me anything though - its not really that uncommon.

OP posts:
PostcodeJack · 08/08/2018 20:17

I'd think it odder to be on Facebook on my wedding day to be honest. I'd be much more judgemental about that than your future sil updating her name. Which probably wouldn't even register with me.

On a side note, my exH's ex wife changed her name BACK to his upon hearing we were getting married. Still didn't call her a bunny boiler. I thought it was hilarious.

goforthandmultiply · 08/08/2018 20:19

You'd hate my sister in law. She's been listed as my sister in law on Facebook long before her wedding. She's part of my family and it was a quick way to acknowledge that, especially since even when she does get married she won't be changing her name.

I have someone else on my Facebook who put her married surname up before she got married. I thought oh did she get married sooner than I thought, oh no she's just changed her name a little early ok.

I never thought badly of either of them. I do hate when people put "mummy" into their actual name though. That makes me cry a bit inside.

BettyBooper · 08/08/2018 20:19

Yeah I think it's some of your additional comments that have riled up the MN. Her putting it on FB is odd, sure (tbh I think it's a bit cringe), but airing that view plus conclusions about her character is making you look bitter. I think you did well not to cave to the masses, honestly...

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 20:53

@goforthandmultiply

Maybe I have read to much into it - I just don't understand what would motivate her to do it so early. plus totally cringey.

Before my wedding I was obviously excited but also tried to be measured about it.

BTW its not something I've ever thought about with other people, or particularly noticed...unless I'm at the wedding and you might be lookig out for the pics of the day afterwards or something and spot they've changed their names.

I also have no strong opinion on whether you should change or keep your name.

I just don't see the need for the name change so early, the groom to be isn't on social media so wouldn't spot it.

Its obviously for the benefit of extended friends and family that aren't going to the wedding.

She has been posting 'xx days until I get married' for months now, so everyones on her social media knows when she is getting married and who she is marrying already.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 08/08/2018 20:58

I wonder what your DB would think if he knew what a bitch you were being about his wife to be on here? I reckon you're jealous and I hope karma bites you on the bum and she reads your OP and monotonous drip feeds and not only uninvites you from the wedding but tells you to stuff your flowers. Then you would really have something to moan about.

Monday55 · 08/08/2018 21:10

OP I bet if she procrastinated to change the surname you'd still be here bitching about how she doesn't like your family surname as she hasn't updated her FB yet. You're being a cry baby seriously !!
.
You don't use FB much and yet you manage to stalk hers? Jesus!!

Fabricwitch · 08/08/2018 21:14

I just don't see the need for the name change so early

9 days? It's not that early, it's 9 days until their wedding. They're going to married for the rest of their lives, 9 days is nothing.
She's probably finished all the planning and pretty much just waiting for the day. She was probably just messing around on Facebook. What's the big deal? They're getting legally married in 9 days and she's taking his surname. So what if she changed it on Facebook before then?

SoozC · 08/08/2018 21:19

Even if I saw the name change in passing and thought it odd, I wouldn't feel the need to start a MN thread about it. That's what's raising eyebrows here, I think, that to post here people think there must be more to the situation than you just finding it "odd" and "immature".

LeighaJ · 08/08/2018 21:19

Sure do what you like - but sometimes people have these little tradions and customs because it keeps events special and meaningful.

Ah, yeah, that old special meaningful tradition...of updating Facebook. 🤔

BakedBeans47 · 08/08/2018 21:21

I don’t think it makes her a bunny boiler but it’s a bit weird

LeighaJ · 08/08/2018 21:25

People on this thread (like yourself) are making me out to be an aehole for having an opinion.

You're doing a fine job of doing that yourself love.

@BakedBeans47

I think there are defitinetly people who might find it a bit odd, but the majority would keep it to themselves rather then slagging off future family on a huge site like MN.

sachabloom · 08/08/2018 21:38

If I were in your shoes I'd be glad my brother had found someone so excited to marry him and get on with my day tbf.

mzmum78 · 09/08/2018 07:51

Can I just clarify OP if this is the same future SIL that is marrying your DH brother and had an affair ? I know it's against the rules to TAAT but I think thats key to this if the same (sorry if this has been covered already)

If this is about a whole other FSIL that you have issues with then good god woman you have some complex familial issues going on and yes YABU

mzmum78 · 09/08/2018 07:59

Sorry I think this answers it
BTW I am one of 9 siblings, but husband is one of 5 so I have a lot on in laws that i get on well with, and have a happy family life, People on this thread (like yourself) are making me out to be an aehole for having an opinion.

I realize you have a massive extended family on both sides but to have such a huge conflict with one set of in laws, with DBIL marrying post affair whilst having had similar conflict with your own DB / affair/ marriage that you were invested in and at the same time having such strong negative feelings towards yet another sibling and in law surely can't be normal? I think you need to turn your focus inward towards yourself and your own family that being your own DH and kids etc. I don't know where you fall in the ages of all your siblings but suspect your one of if not the eldest and have always taken on a parental / supervisor role. You must now accept your siblings and DH siblings are grown ups making their own decisions and they have nothing at all to do with you even if your interference comes from a place of caring. In fact I think Pp said or perhaps it was the other thread, you're actually adding to the stress

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 09/08/2018 08:14

I think part of the reason you've had a roasting OP is that you've made up a load of shite posing as facts to try and back up what is simply an opinion. If you think it's weird or whatever, that's one thing. But all the stuff about how you do it this way if you have a church wedding, you require a marriage certificate to change your name etc, is just nonsense.

Fluffyears · 09/08/2018 08:56

Insecure? How does changing your name make you insecure that comment really baffles me?

It’s nothing to do with anyone else and it could be possible she changed it to see how it looked due to excitement and now can’t change it back. Once you change Facebook name you have to stay with it for 60 days or something.

FASH84 · 09/08/2018 09:07

You can change your passport in advance, some people choose to do this so they can honeymoon in their married name. She's a little keen, but she's just excited, you have clearly got your judgey pants hoicked right up. I hope you don't keep this up as a SIL

FASH84 · 09/08/2018 09:12

@Ambs81 *I knew that I didn't have to change it, of course.

I wanted to for my 2 dc, one was old enough to ask on a few occasions why we didn't all have the same name.*

You know a man can change his name too, or you can both double barrel. Stop taking your own bitterness out on your brother's partner.

CoraPirbright · 09/08/2018 09:29

OP - is the link that onalongsabbatical posted connected to this wedding (you mention you have a large extended family so maybe not?)?? If yes, I totally understand why you are not keen on your future SIL and if people read that link they will perhaps understand why (although I couldnt care less what people do on Fb).

If it is a different wedding then I think shrugging and thinking “each to their own” is the correct response here. Don’t wind yourself up thinking about it Confused

derxa · 09/08/2018 09:48

You sound like a ridiculous busybody.

Shampooeeee · 09/08/2018 09:53

YABU and a total bitch.
I pity your poor SIL.

Swipe left for the next trending thread