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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:
FruitOnAPlatter · 08/08/2018 15:27

she can't do it legally until she has the marriage certificate. I would think most invited to the wedding will assume that they aren't yet married.

In the UK you can use whatever name you like, whenever you like.

For some things (like passport/bank account) you might need a deedpoll, or to declare previous names (jobs etc.), but we don't police what people call themselves day to day/on facebook.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:27

Ok ok ok....

I was being unreasonable to say bunny boiler

BUT whatever you guys say it is weird!

If a work friend did it i'd be like Hmm

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 08/08/2018 15:27

I can't wait to change my name, I have the surname of my EA stepfather, both of my younger brothers have already changed their by deedpoll, If I wasn't getting married in 6 months I'd have changed mine already too.

Maybe they're already married - if it's a 'different' type of ceremony you have to go to the register office and sign all of the documents beforehand anyway then it's just a blessing on the day for friends and family!

SandyY2K · 08/08/2018 15:28

You clearly don't like your future SIL.

You also don't know what a bunny boiler is. Did you ever watch Fatal Attraction? Is your SIL a stalking obsessed OW?

Just because you would have preferred to keep your maiden name...does not mean changing it is wrong...even in 2018. Changing your name upon marriage, does not make you less of a woman.

You really sound petty and immature....taking SM far too seriously.

I hope you don't become a really difficult interfering SIL to her.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/08/2018 15:29

" AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?"

yes YABU and really nasty about her. If you don't like her, stay away.

LoveInTokyo · 08/08/2018 15:30

BUT whatever you guys say it is weird!

Also quite weird and unkind to do a thread on Mumsnet about it though.

And of course there is a risk that someone who knows her (or even future SIL herself) might be reading this thread and figure out who it's about.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/08/2018 15:30

'I'd be like Hmm'

so, like, how old are you?

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:30

FruitOnAPlatter

To change bank account you need to show a marriage cert and bill in new name, its pretty hard to organise - the culture certainly isn't 'call yourself what you like when you like'

Passport i needed to send old passport or birth certificate and marriage certificate.

People on this thread make out you can call yourself anything anywhere anytime.

Even council tax office wanted copy or photo of marriage cert.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 08/08/2018 15:30

Ah OP are you a bit jealous, is her wedding a bit better than yours? Or were you just one of the mean girls in the playground that thinks she’s still at school?

She’s getting married, she’s happy and excited which is how it should be. Changing her name now hasn’t harmed anyone has it? Is it a crime to be happy and excited about your wedding? Surely even the most sour faced get a bit excited

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 08/08/2018 15:31

I wanted to for my 2 dc, one was old enough to ask on a few occasions why we didn't all have the same name.

And?

And so everyone else on the planet must do the exact same thing because the OP is right, goddammit!!! Anyone who doesn't do exactly what she finds acceptable is silly, immature, a psychopathic killer of fluffy pets. And probably voted 'Leave' into the bargain Angry Angry Angry

(Oh to be a fly on the wall when they get to 'If any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, he or she should declare it now' ... 'SHE CHANGED HER NAME ON FACEBOOK BEFORE IT WAS LEGALLY CORRECT TO DO SO!!!!!' )

flamingofridays · 08/08/2018 15:31

why does it matter to you?

thethoughtfox · 08/08/2018 15:31

A bunny boiler? Maybe if she changed her name after 2 dates. She is marrying the man.

SomeKnobend · 08/08/2018 15:31

Wow. I can't imagine what it could possibly take to give even a single fuck about this.
Is Claire's still on the high street? Suggest you obtain a grip immediately.

flamingofridays · 08/08/2018 15:32

People on this thread make out you can call yourself anything anywhere anytime

well, you actually can in the UK - you can change your name to whatever you like, you don't have to get married to do that.

Sparklesocks · 08/08/2018 15:34

It’s a bit weird that you care so much! Not got much else on..?
She’s clearly excited, let her enjoy her moment – no need to piss on her cupcake.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:35

@SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst

I think you're response is a bit disproportionate.

I never said anything about the legal side in relation to facebook.

I just think its weird, like posted your babies name on facebook 3 days before its born and taking a guess at the birth weight, or as I said earlier, finding out youve got a new job and immeadiatly updating your linkedin profile.

Generally, if someone changes to their married name on facebok or instagram i'd think they've got married, I wouldn't think they are getting married in 9 days.

In the same way I would say 'congratulations on your beautiful wedding' 1 week before.

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 08/08/2018 15:35

It’s not as weird as your fixation on what someone else calls themselves on social media Confused

howmanyusernames · 08/08/2018 15:36

You. Are. Weird.

We live in this world where......guess what....everyone is different! Shock

Just because YOU wouldn't do it it doesn't mean someone else can't. That's the thing with having our own brains, we all think differently.

For the record, I think she is sweet, romantic and excited. You are bitter and clearly have too much time on your hands.

flamingofridays · 08/08/2018 15:37

I just think its weird, like posted your babies name on facebook 3 days before its born and taking a guess at the birth weigh

its not though it it, you all know shes going to be mrs xxxx

you don't know the name and weight of her firstborn

MrsChollySawcutt · 08/08/2018 15:38

Nasty post. Tell me OP, are you one of those people that gets enjoyment out of pissing on other people's chips?

If seeing others enjoying something is a problem for you, you might want to think a bit more that.

Head tilt.

sachabloom · 08/08/2018 15:39

Bonkers

WeirdCatLady · 08/08/2018 15:40

Wow OP, what a truly unpleasant thread to start. What, were you hoping we’d all leap in and agree with you that she’s a total loser? Nice......really nice. Hmm

QueenElsie · 08/08/2018 15:41

What a mean post Sad

Igorina · 08/08/2018 15:42

Does it bother you to see her with your old surname OP?

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 08/08/2018 15:43

People on this thread make out you can call yourself anything anywhere anytime.

Yeeeeeees. Because that's an accurate assessment of your legal rights relating to names changing.

You can change your name without getting married, and people do all the time. Organisations can ask for paperwork, but it's not required by the law and it most certainly doesn't need to be a marriage certificate. I could call myself Mrs YourDBsSurname as of today if I wanted, provided my intention wasn't to deceive. Should I wish to obtain a new passport in that name, the passport office would not be allowed to insist on a marriage certificate. Because I wouldn't need one in order to change my name.

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