Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride changing surname 1 week before wedding?

256 replies

Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 14:33

I spotted this week that my future SIL has already updated her social media profiles to her married surname 9 days before their wedding.
I guess she's excited but it just seems strange, surely people will be presuming she's married now?
I left it a couple of weeks, and had updated bank etc before I did facebook.
AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 15:14

How does it make her a bunny boiler, I presume your brother is planning to marry her

StaySafe · 08/08/2018 15:14

I expect she has a million and one things to do in the run up to the wedding and this is one thing on the list she can do now. I wouldn't think for a minute if she was a friend of mine on social media it was anything else. OP, I think you are very over invested in this and not very kind.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 08/08/2018 15:15

Why change yours in the first place then OP? It's not compulsory!

Travis1 · 08/08/2018 15:15

Christ you're a bit of a bitch aren't you? What difference is it making to your life? And FYI you can get your passport before the wedding, I did so I could travel in my married name. I couldn't wait to be rid of my bastard 'fathers' name.

Countdownto40 · 08/08/2018 15:15

Bit keen!

thedevilinablackdress · 08/08/2018 15:16

Pretty unanimous YABU OP.

Your arguments about name changing don't stack up. Try to be happy for your DB and STBSIL.

LoveInTokyo · 08/08/2018 15:16

How does it make her a bunny boiler, I presume your brother is planning to marry her

Perhaps the OP hasn't seen the film and thinks bunny boiler is a generic expression for women who do things you disagree with.

LeroyJenkins · 08/08/2018 15:16

It takes about 30secs to change your name in profile - why not do it on your wedding day?

I dunno, maybe because she will be a bit, well busy, you know, getting married???

SoyDora · 08/08/2018 15:16

Surprised any woman changes her name. Why would you?

Because they want to?
I didn’t, but don’t care what others do.

Thatsfuckingshit · 08/08/2018 15:17

I just think it's weird - I was a bit gutted to change my surname.

Then you shouldn't have changed it.

I find someone getting in a twist about this very odd indeed. You describe her as a bunny boiler, you are the one getting upset about decisions made by your sil, that have nothing to do with you.

I find that far more like bunny boiler behaviour than hers is.

BunnyColvin · 08/08/2018 15:18

You do realise you didn't have to change your name OP, right?

LeighaJ · 08/08/2018 15:18

"upsideup

Is she your brothers future? You were gutted to have to change your surname and jealous that she's now getting to have it?"

Oh I hadn't thought about that angle. I remember the first time my MIL called me "Mrs xxxx" she said it in such an odd way. My husband said later it was because she was jealous I had that surname and was now a part of his paternal family in a way she hasn't been since his father and she divorced.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:19

@LeroyJenkins

Most people change their social media profile on the day of or day after their wedding.

I'm at the age were most of my mates have got married in the 2-3 years and nearly all did it on their wedding day.

Much like most people will post a pic or update etc.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 08/08/2018 15:19

So long has she hasn't done it by deed poll, because that will invalidate the banns/license etc.

zzzzz · 08/08/2018 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rarfy · 08/08/2018 15:20

Id think it was a bit weird. Sil changed her status to married on the morning before her wedding which i also thought was a bit weird.

Same sil told me the other day her and db have been ttc since the day they met and even if he didnt want a baby she would have ttc anyway and not cared whether he stuck around after Shock

KennDodd · 08/08/2018 15:20

I think changing you name to somebody else's name at all reeks of immaturity and insecurity.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 08/08/2018 15:21

AIBU to think she's acting like a bunny boiler?

Bunny boiler: a woman who acts vengefully after having been spurned by her lover

Yeah, that's absolutely what changing your name on facebook means Hmm

You don't like her much, do you?

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:21

@BunnyColvin

I knew that I didn't have to change it, of course.

I wanted to for my 2 dc, one was old enough to ask on a few occasions why we didn't all have the same name.

OP posts:
InfiniteVariety · 08/08/2018 15:22

Why does she have to do it the way you & your mates did it?

You sound like my sister OP - unless everyone does things exactly as you would do them, you snipe & criticise which suggests you are the insecure one, not her

rudewordsaretheshit · 08/08/2018 15:23

Lol. She sounds fine. You sound like a dick. Are you bitter about changing your name?

Thatsfuckingshit · 08/08/2018 15:24

So what if people usually change it on the day or if your friends did it a few days later.

It's up to her what she calls herself and when she wants to change it. There's no rules about this sort of thing.

Fuck all to do with you. It sounds like pure jealousy.

I wanted to for my 2 dc, one was old enough to ask on a few occasions why we didn't all have the same name.

And?

AlbertaSimmons · 08/08/2018 15:24

Love these threads.
OP - AIBU?
MN - Yes
OP - no I'm not.

Original poster
Ambs81 · 08/08/2018 15:24

By bunny boiler I just mean a bit obsessive, full on, etc

Not vengeful, obvs.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 08/08/2018 15:25

Oh I hadn't thought about that angle. I remember the first time my MIL called me "Mrs xxxx" she said it in such an odd way.

My MIL has never called me by my husband's name. Not that she has ever addressed me as anything but my first name anyway. I don't think she would presume that I had changed my name, and it's not come up in conversation.

My GMIL, on the other hand, used it. And my reaction was, "No, that's your name, and MIL's name. It's not mine!" (Didn't say that out loud though obviously.)